TheGhostOfHarambe
257276
11685
527
Oct 23, 2016 4:11 PM
TheGhostOfHarambe
257276
11685
527
ThyCountess
@OP have you ever summoned a demon? I think that would make a more interesting post
reverendbonobo
All these demons suck. I don't want the "Lord of Death" or the "Master of Darkness." I want the Mopper of Kitchens and the Mower of Lawns.
ThatOneGirlWhoGotEmbarassedByHerUserAndChangedIt
-laughs- why would anyone ever need this? -favorites it- like what the heck haha -reading over very carefully- so dumb
eggboy
Favoriting just in case, even tho I kinda know I'll never actually get round to summoning a demon
aprimitivetake
strakur
<3 Chloe
Gastonisasociopath
Time to request a fiendish union
ZleepyKiwi
You seem to be missing my ex's sigil.
Jaysteeny
This is a list of demons that one could conceivably WANT to summon.
DetectiveSherlockHolmes
Am I the only one that immidiatly tried looking for The demigorgon
NekoMiko06
I looked for zepar and furfur, not dissapointed https://akari.in/jsrY.jpg
TheTriangleGuy
NekoMiko06
Dat username
BrokenTrace
Big deal. Looks like electrical schematics. They summon demons all the time.
BC2k2
And suddenly Facebook is explained!
smj2893
Attention to detail here is important. One slip and you could end up summoning a Damon instead. Ruined tonnes of sacrifices for me.
ImOnlyHereAllTheTime
Maaaaattt Day-mon
skipweasel
Count yourself lucky. I summoned a Danone. The place smelled of yogurt for weeks.
TheGhostOfHarambe
I don't know. It could be his only chance of getting back from Mars.
smj2893
Mattateus
sassybeckalicious
"This thing reads like stereo instructions..."
C141Clay
I got that reference!
sassybeckalicious
Just don't say it three times ;)
ElZutterino
I'm really bad at summoning demons. Guess that's why I'm single.
VitusApollo
Time to request a fiendish union with a succubus!
whatscrappening
pelusita35
And now all your white laundry is pink
eyeofthepanda
Some demons have better graphical designers than others.
JTechnopotheosis
i like the ones that look like circuit diagrams
MediaBlitz
Yeah, looks like ole Amnixel ended up with a buttcrack.
NinjaSpork
Instructions unclear, ended up with a schematic of a 6502 processor
FsImgur
And now you're stuck with a demon from the 1970's who's not only slow as shit, but only makes disco balls.
grimmwar1
The1stBellicose
https://media.giphy.com/media/3oEduT0ml2JN6iYxy0/giphy.gif
Randomice
brassbass
I can't read cursive either...
DeadPhish21
/a/L4pyj
CodySage
ALargeAgglomerationOfAtomsSuperficiallyResemblingAUser
UNACCEPTABAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!
ZTheDragonz
ArcaneConjecture
Cursive is like the Secret Language of us old folks. The kids can't read it nor write it, lol.
0hmymymy
I predict cursive will return in the future as a lost art and it will become a huge fad to learn it.
ADuckOnQuack099
You just lost your soul to a lemon dude.
misskelliekel
Oh my god I love this sooo much!!!
evilterran
The artist's on imgur: @JKBenton
misskelliekel
Thanks!
ShowMeYourButtonhole
*summons Jesus by accident*
ArtemisOrthia
C141Clay
That would be awkward. "My child, how may I help you?" Oh Shit! Yeah, Um, thinks just got ok Jesus. You gotta go. Thank you. Bye.
BC2k2
I found Jesus. He was hiding behind the couch the whole time.
ShowMeYourButtonhole
Classic Jesus
BC2k2
Are we talking Classic Jesus like Coke Classic, or a Classic Move by hiding behind the couch?
ShowMeYourButtonhole
Yes.
ProgressPanda
But which one is super hot, and down for getting freaky?
C141Clay
http://imgur.com/38JydPX
truthHurtsSometimes2200
You're looking for succubi. The accounts of successful summonings remind me of schizophrenics' stories.
KPopGirlKimi
Sources? Sounds like an interesting read.
mcorr88
.
Drewbeedoo
.
michealikruhara0110
If those sort of people are to be believed, they say demons generally don't physically manifest unless it's for something big. 1/2
michealikruhara0110
I seriously doubt they would show up just so you could get your rocks off. 2/2
manimatr0n
"Here's some shit a bunch of Victorians with a poor understanding of the Ancient Near East made up while high on opium"
elethomel
the grimore from which these are taken is thought to have been written around 1570
manimatr0n
"Thought to have been written." the late 19th century is truly abundant in forgeries and lies about earlier ages and beliefs.
elethomel
to rephrase, similar texts began appearing in the 15th century and coalesced into widely reproduced compilations by the mid 17th century
elethomel
cons and hacks like crowley used material like these as the basis for their ancient magick bs
elethomel
not that it wasn't bs when it was written, it was just the product of an earlier mystical fad than the one in the late 19th c
krapmyself
Emergency? My balls are so big and blue, astronauts are mistaking them for earth. So how do I summon a sucky bus.
CrabWallet
+1 for sucky bus
revcleo
succubus sometimes have teeth
OneFuckedPony
krapmyself
Oh lord... yeah just my luck I fuck up one of the squigglies and get an incubus. Ah, fuck it. I'm into traps, as long as he's really feminin
OneFuckedPony
With my luck I'd summon an over the pants hand job demon. Fingers crossed for your evil BJ.
SnugglyBurrick
That second to last on there chap. Careful to specify, otherwise the default is Incubus
namelessfish
*locks keys in car* dammit *summons Surgat, One Who Opens All Locks*
PenguinPete
I, too, am a Harlan Ellison fan.
C141Clay
Still cost 75 bucks.
ecodude
And takes two hours to get there, but you've got to wait by your car the entire time in case he shows up early.
DotSlashNatalie
"What the fuck do you need money for?" "Stuff - now do you want your door unlocked or not???"
phizatmatt
Forget it! And go.. back? To hell?
DotSlashNatalie
Go back to where your kind comes from!!! Don't make me build a wall!!!
phizatmatt
Lmao, yea sure.. Guess Illinois isn't that bad.. I'll go back.. lol
Joshua221b
Instructions unclear, drew a penis...
HippoTel
That was what we call in the trade an Unscheduled Reality Excursion, usually abbreviated to "Oh fuck."
aboxacaraflatafan
That summons Caden, the neighbor kid who spies on the swimming cheerleaders and has a stash of his mom's dirty romance novels in his closet.
TrixieLaBouche
But how specifically would you summon a demon? Asking for a friend.
CrabWallet
I guess the first step is creating them.
Crixnosis
First thing is first, start posting pictures of sexy women on Imgur to lure virgins as potential sacrifices. Then you make them "visit" you
ecodude
Tell your friend to find the best occult bookstore nearby and ask around there. They're absolutely everywhere and you can learn a lot.
DotSlashNatalie
bbl I'll let you know how it works out and if I still have my soul.
evenpoopistaken
.
Chronoroth
The demon of lust is named Anael... Whooda thunk it.
reiryo
bilateralunsymmetry
Hmm I thought it was Asmodeus, but I bet there are many demons of lust.
NekoMiko06
There are. Among others, Zepar and Furfur are known to make men and women love and lust. Anael is an angel.
LuckyWristbands
Kinky bastards
Chronoroth
Imustupvotealltacos
I betcha he "thunks" it plenty
IAmTheMasterCommanderWhatThePoop
I thought the same thing! XD
Althecon
Glad someone pointed it, gave me a giggle.
[deleted]
[deleted]
MWVaughn
http://imgur.com/uqoefiZ
hooktail419
Gotta love incase.
Lovenkraft
I wonder what demonic codex they are using for this, because it sure as hell isn't Solomon's Lesser Key.
NekoMiko06
Right? Pretty sure Anael is supposed to be an angel.
elethomel
anael is a demon but the sigil listed for him in lemegeton does not match the sigil attributed to him here
NekoMiko06
Anael is, if I recall, a variation on Haniel, a Jewish angel sometimes regarded as one of the archangels.
NekoMiko06
Nvm, saw your other comment
elethomel
upon further perusal, theurgia goetia names anael a duke of the night in the service of gediel, but pauline arts names anael an angel
Vagetarian
bradthegeek
Sauce?
Vagetarian
Prepare for weirdness ... https://youtu.be/gdvQkbTASk8
Im26AndStillDontKnowWhatIWantToBeWhenIGrowUp
.
charonthehand
http://p.vitalmx.com/photos/forums/2014/02/14/45762/s1200_brown.jpg
bradthegeek
.
glittershit
.
FourOrangeCircles
No, I'm good, no more acid for me, thanks.
GalaxyRangerZero
.
trophygeek
Tried it and got this:
v Am I doing it right?
BC2k2
Depends... how much hentai have you seen and did you want it to have tentacles?
DarkUranium
I think you forgot to carry the one.
CanadianFurr
Kill it with the Holy Hand Grenade!
C141Clay
The best: http://imgur.com/38JydPX
C141Clay
Try this one: http://imgur.com/DZbJ32r
DavidKlecker
Why would you call a demon in an emergency? A demon in my room IS an emergency.
BC2k2
For when the ghost of Fred Phelps is haunting you?
DavidKlecker
I'd rather have the ghost of Fred Fuchs.
michealikruhara0110
Always remember: You can't get Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome if you ARE the traumatic event.
Arlok
you can use their runes to trap and block them
xuriV
well, that'd be a great reason to summon another demon!
BustyCrustacean
Thedude144
Just assumed this was a new Gender Chart.
imgurliestome
Did you just assume my gender chart?
PerroMalcriado
for your information I sexually identify as a a spawn from hell
Mewmus
fuck you and your "Cis" privilege .............................. *sarcasm
IllusionOfHatred
ą² _ą²
noodlemcb
I've had my contacts in all day, and did not squint to read; for moment there I thought you wrote "I just summoned a new Gordon Christ...."
AlwaysBeenWeird
In what type of "extreme emergency" would summoning a demon be necessary ?
Gaviao24
Taking a shit at work and there's no toilet paper
sarteret
But what do you use to draw the summoning circle. Because I ain't dippin in my bung for writing material.
Lyrahani
Soap. Soap will do. Maybe wet toilet paper mass also? Would it disappoint the demon?
Iwanttofingeryou
Then use blood
[deleted]
[deleted]
Voltarity
*secret formula
LiUben8572
MagicallyMike
Always upvote Jensen Ackles
Timtam2580
Lonely Saturday nights
GoodNewsCigaretteJuice
I can think of plenty
GodOfTheBumbleBees
Cheesecake
HisDudness
This is what I was looking for.
Phobia3
Dnd fix-all solution
misskittyamazing
See Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and several animes for that answer.
Nepeta33
mother in law.
ProfessorMorifarty
Demon orgy.
BlueSpaceLizard
http://imgur.com/8AuLtHS
foglifter
Tursday
Acefowl
Too much ketchup up your hamburger.
intestinalhack
Introducing him to Jesus Christ, saver of souls.
crockmonster
2 hrs before your essay (5-6 pages) is due
Threadnomancer
When it's tax season
ThePigeons
i drew the Ronove symbol on a math test and the teacher gave me a 100
SirDieAlot147
Fighting darkspawn in the deeproads..
Aguynamedcarl
When you need to find something to put your brothers soul into when he disappears?
chickenoodlesoup
Bad day at work, idiots in traffic, etc.
ISayFuckAllTheTime
Your inventory is full and you don't have any potions of strength, so you need to call up the daedric merchant
Artemis47
Skyrim reference, 10/10
KyokiPotato
When you already used your ultra ball
sangheraj
I got stuck on my statistics homework and tried summoning the knowledge staff, thought it was an emergency, didn't go well
MisterOp
Ah! I've fallen and I can't get up! Better suMMON THE DEMON OF STANDING-UP
GooglingStackOverflow
Trump
phizatmatt
When your loosing an election..
AnsuSuscitatio
About to miss a plane? Demon shuts down the tarmac. Traffic at a sporting event? Demon destroys the road and people flee.
Cazio
There's a snake one. Maybe you need a bunch of snakes in a hurry.
Mewmus
snakes...why'd it have to be snakes
Lastevolved
Perhaps on a plane
FourOrangeCircles
Wait- I just had a great idea for a movie! Gotta think of a name...
ciezer
Call Hagith when you want to mess with an ex
CarrierHasArrived725
When you're pooping and run out of toilet paper.
3vieTheEevee
When you need to fight an ancient white dragon in Draconia
TestSubject86
Dunno, just horney I guess
Theflakypoopcrustofanadultdiaper
When a child molester with alien hair runs for president.
DwarfOwner
Donald Trump winning the election.
AnythingMuchShorter
But he's actually Zagam, Lord of Forgery, so summoning demons is what got us into this mess.
Im26AndStillDontKnowWhatIWantToBeWhenIGrowUp
Also if Hillary wins the election
SkyGuyTheGuy
When you finally remember The Greatest Song in The World.
CapnTyingKnots
You know. Just Winchester things
MagicallyMike
MissySnow
It's the family business
TheGhostOfHarambe
When you run out of ice cream, need help with your homework or when you just need someone to talk to.
RamenFlavourPacket
http://imgur.com/BcTiU
crashzealot
Or when you want a refund for No Man's Sky
Meowseph
That's why we have Meeseeks
OldIronsides
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/i-am-not-a-clever-man-comic.jpg
EpicMasterMan
Not sure I think this might be a trick somehow..
aleister94
Hey you forgot my sigil
Mostbetadude
Reminds me of the story of the demon that caught the feels for the little sickly girl that sold her soul
Xenolith166
Sauceroni
grinninggremlin
Need help with your homework...ha! Sounds like someone has(n't?) seen Del Toro's Geometria. Seriously, watch it, it's hilarious.
catinheat
Leo and Satan
boopbeepimr2d2
I'm now in an extreme emergency. Please give me something to wipe all this sticky white stuff up. *summons*
martymcfyi
Hey luci it's me can you tell me 5 reasons why the revolution was so successful
Jaysteeny
Which revolution?
CondescendingCunt
...when you feel like banging some hot, infernal she-bitch from the depths?
InquisitorOctaviusoftheOrdoMalleus
Thats the one
BlueSpaceLizard
Let us know how it goes down http://imgur.com/8AuLtHS
NekoMiko06
Do these count?![]()
Nate3
Why not
NotInClass
November 8th 2016
r3ddawg01
Demons have already been summoned, that's when it's time to make your choice Try not to embrace the dark side Be very very careful
jeromygride
Muriel vs ozigin
NotInClass
No, the only way we will defeat this evil on both sides is with more evil
RexNihil
So THAT'S how they ended up running for the presidency. Good to know. I uh...I'll be right back. I have...a thing. To do. Else...where.
Attacker732
I've got a wet match in one hand, and a burned-out lightbulb in the other. Which was supposed to be the dark one again?
NotInClass
I like this haha
iamOzymandiasLookOnMyWorksDumbassAndDespair
Just don't do it. You could invite serious trouble into your life.
bartybastly
Y'all act like life is a movie
disinformatique
Ha ! I am level 110 Demonology Gnome Warlock , nothing will happen to me !!
disinformatique
Sauce - https://goo.gl/Q7F0ur
carolinaguuurl
This is very good advice. Dangerous beyond wildest nightmares. I have been affected before.
DoctorSpaceDog
Pssst. Demons aren't real.
carolinaguuurl
You believe whatever you want to believe. Just be careful.
iamOzymandiasLookOnMyWorksDumbassAndDespair
Which is why, if you fuck around, you will have trouble for a lot longer. Because you won't know what is going on.
sarawrrrr
..... can't tell if serious or not. But I'm intrigued if there's a story!!
carolinaguuurl
Totally serious. Please, please don't get involved in paranormal things. Don't allow ouija boards in your house, ever.
Isthisausernameyet
What if I want fame and fortune? What would I have to give?
Elavine91
Many who have had negative experiences with dark spiritual entities do not want to talk about it. Sometimes it is fear of judgment ....
Elavine91
..... or fear of looking crazy. Sometimes they just want to pretend it never happened in the first place.
carolinaguuurl
I don't want it to come back
mishmashmish
Threadnomancer
God dammit
hickorysmokedhorsebutthole
30 hot
AmicusCuriae
This knowledge too must only be use in time of extreme emergency.
boopbeepimr2d2
Just use 30 hot.
theninthmike
Ohmygosh I'm dying. This is too funny, someone summon a stop laughing demon.
namelessfish
AvidApostate
Much more useful.
NinjaEnigma720
Yea... I fux with this one lol
davidbowieeyes
Lolll
Tiankui
Absolutely perfect response
orejuela
ivivibpbp
What a sick names!
Mind792
Instructions are unclear accidentally bring Frankestein monster back to life
erock111
Ill try to summon spanish electabuzz
erock111
Even better i might summon the legenday spanish zapdos!!! Fuck i totally forgot!
DarkNinja2462
That's just Spanish circuit symbols
0hmymymy
You conjure shocking Spanish demons
Spencinator24
You're just Spanish circuit symbols
DarkNinja2462
Y tu tambiƩn *bzzt*