Update kinda? TLDR included

Posted this in November and received an influx of support from imugians, which was really nice thankyou guys.

A week after posting, this happened. I was not super close with the woman but I was still angry at myself for not being able to cry with everyone else. Iv never even attended a funeral let alone watch someone die. So I marched myself out of the room and cried for a different reason. Because what kind of fucked up person doesn't react to seeing a family member pass away?? I basically came to the conclusion that Iv turned into a shell.

Then in late November this happened. We've been preparing to move twelve hours away together so he can attend uni for about a year now. I did need to warm up to the idea at first, but I was so genuinely excited to have this adventure with him at this point. Everything We owned was packed in boxes and ready. I love him very very much, but he ended up going on his own. We still talk sometimes, but he doesn't know I'm not coping being alone.

My dad came home early a few weeks ago, and heard me crying in the shower and basically busted down the door. We don't have an amazing relationship but he fished me out of the shower and hugged me and asked if I had fallen and hurt myself or something. I blurted out so many things that Iv been keeping to myself and asked him to help me and to find a good psychologist or someone to help me. He got up told me to grow up and stop feeling sorry for myself and left.

And to top off these amazing few months. I am now in the process of being checked for the breast cancer gene and am considered high risk. Fun fact it's about $1800 (Aus) to get tested. Brilliant.

So today marked eight months of being unemployed (left my job to prepare to move away with bf) and I sat at my computer and busted out my first ever resume. It's an incredibly tiny thing, but I managed to think clearly while doing it and it felt good. So... yeah... I think that's progress.