InkedInOttawa
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I've been feeling off, went to the hospital, despite telling them I had a radical hysterectomy due to cancer, they MUST run a pregnancy test because its procedure for unexplained abdominal pain... I make a fuss saying it's a waste of time and hospital resources but they insist..fine fuck, whatever...
Aaaaannnddd...it's positive....what the fuck
Now everyone's confused to hell...waiting for the doctor to come back with what he's going to do next, he said he's going to look up my surgical notes (I really don't think he believes me anymore about my surgery, but I had it done here in 2016 so all the records are available) possibly to confirm and speak with an associate.
Edit 1: going for an ultrasound!
Edit 2: ultrasound shows no pregnancy, tumors, cysts, and yes the radical hysterectomy took everything from cervix to ovaries... redid blood draw and added more things to check, so waiting for results
Edit 3: latest blood test says negative for pregnancy so someone fckd up somewhere. Still no explanation for current problems, but at least I have a fun story for my afternoon here
Edit 4: being referred to a cardiologist, mentioned my daughter has POTS and hEDS and nothing else is showing to be the cause. Apparently I pass the test/have the symptoms so.... it makes sense, bleh...
Okay since it's going on below and MrJaunty seems to be misinformed, let me repeat, you CANNOT get pregnant if you do NOT have ovaries. Even if you don't have a cervix (no way for the sperm to enter) but say it does with a tear, yes a pregnancy can happen without a uterus but if there are NO eggs, please, believe medical evidence, you need a sperm and an egg to create life, without an egg, it is not possible
kittenkatt
I hope everything is ok, @OP. Not knowing what's wrong can be super scary, but hang in there!
allblack38
It's positive for the hormones not specifically a baby. Abnormal growths can possibly increase your hormone levels to give a false Pos
byohzzrd
Holy fuck this thread needs some remedial biology lessons.
YouSufferWithCognitiveDissonance
Now go on Maury and he'll do the test and say that you're definitely not the mother
iBangYourFace
I think your husband is cheating on you and you are carrying the child of him and the woman he is cheating you on with
batmanbumantics
Alabama sex ed 101
SendMeDogs
Since no one else is gonna say it, get well soon @op
InkedInOttawa
Thank you :)
Reelthreat
You're like a lizard... but instead of growing back a tail after you pull it off you grow back uteruses.
tyrpestdeath
Thus it is imperative you have as many babies as possible to pass on these extraordinary genes
DarkSock
Same thing happened to my ex, turns out it was a false positive because she had a pituitary gland issue
StepRightUp
Yeah, but a sonogram certainly wouldn’t give a false POSITIVE for pregnancy!
DarkSock
Depends on whether or not Taco Bell was involved
hoppedup
Look for a star in the east.
EMTMarv
*Story Time* As an ER tech, I once did an preg test on patient by chance because she was of childbearing age, It was positive. Pt claimed 1/
reallyguysseriously
I had a patient today convinced she had a complete hysterectomy yet she had an IUD placed not too long ago...
EMTMarv
To have had a hysterectomy. Every one thought I mixed up urine samples and thought I was stupid. Charge nurse runs another test and its 2/
EMTMarv
Positive. Now doctors calls previous hospitals for pts med recs. Turns out it wasnt a hysterectomy but a cyst removal. Her ABD pain was 3/?
EMTMarv
Labor pain. She gave birth in the ED 10 mins after the doc confirmed it
Sephority
Was she just really fat?
EMTMarv
Yes she was very obese. She thought she having another ulcer because she said pain was similar
76000BatteryLlamas
PerkyBoobs
Waiting for, "so, yeah we cut you open, but you only have one kidney and ARE pregnant cuz surgery charts got mixed up that day. Whoopsies!"
ohwhocaresanyway
Swansatron
I had a (false) positive pregnancy test at 17 (I was still a fucking virgin) it scared the absolute shit out of me. “I DONT WANT A JESUS”
Swansatron
Turns out I had cysts and polyps and that somehow fucks with the results sometimes.
db22
'Fucking-virgin' is kind of redundant, though. That's generally the default meaning of 'virgin'.
Wubalubadubdubc124ricksanchez7
My grandma had my dad and his brother after a partial hysterectomy.
InkedInOttawa
Believe me they took it all, I've been cancer free 2 years and 5 months
StepRightUp
Great! (Well, on the ‘cancer free’ part!!!)
Killertomatonew
maybe it's a food baby, have you had taco bell lately?
dommen
Intense hormonal stress csn cause false-positive results
InkedInOttawa
....yes
Killertomatonew
grats! it's a poo!
GasBandit
YE HOOR
StopAskingMeForAnAccountImgurIWannaLurk
Next time you go to the bathroom make sure you have an ice pack ready
CaffeineManic
Sounds like the plot for Grey's Anatomy or House:MD.
Sephority
It's always lupus
CaffeineManic
Except House MD: "If it's lupus, this drug will cure them. If not, it'll kill them. Let's try it!".
PeRySh
Pregnancy tests look for a specific hormone. Men with testicular cancer can show the same effect. In your case a cyst or tumor.
scientistress
Yeah. I work in a hospital lab. Was gonna say this exact thing.
earlymutation
Shit. If they switched up someone’s blood...some poor girl is out celebrating with margaritas only to get that phone call...
earlymutation
Or, hopefully, it’s the call they’ve been waiting for. Who knows. Either way, someone’s life is about to change.
mybunsarestale
Or she gets an abortion and her life goes on as normal. She finishes school, pursues her dream career and lives happily ever after. Choices.
Ketchupkilla
Didn't realize kids were so terrible. Wouldn't the default be *wanting* the baby? Safe legal rare, all that?
mybunsarestale
Sure, plenty of women want kids. But their comments above implied that this hypothetical womans only choice is to have a kid.
earlymutation
My bad. It can seem there is only this dichotomy. I also forgot adoption. And abortion rights are necessary. Good call opening the choices.
AgnesMcGillicuddy
Good luck OP. My daughter also had a radical hysterectomy due to cancer and is still trying to manage the aftereffects. Keep us posted!
besoft
Jesus second coming!
Crestedtit
Yep
crapcomments
I was going to say ovarian cysts can cause positive test, but you got no ovaries! Duh me
thecoldmage
Calistrasza
Dammit, you beat me to it xD
capughe
Glad to hear there's no tumor or chance of ectopic pregnancy (since ovaries are gone)
InkedInOttawa
Thank you!
sharkbate
So umm.... is your name Mary by any chance?
InkedInOttawa
Lol that's my middle name
sharkbate
Oh shit (jk I saw your last edit)!
ScrewHavinAUsername
Please let us know how it goes @OP
GamerDad30
Sometimes cancer can show up as a positive pregnancy test. It happens to men all the time. Be safe, and we'll pray for the best @OP
burlyqlady
The question there is why would a man take a pregnancy test
GamerDad30
They don't, but it's a good way to early check for testicular cancer. #HealthCareWorker
burlyqlady
Wow good to know
sgtrodriguezj6430415
Sometimes a cyst will give a positive pregnancy test. I knew someone who had like that.
Dangeruff
Now I’m watching that 6yo cyst at her first dance recital
suiseiseki
So can testicular cancer but I suspect that's not the issue here.
odanobunaga89
Testicle cancer can lead to positive pregnancy tests too.
Chkari
Someone found out they had testicular cancer by posting a joke prego test on reddit.
freckledkink
I don't think hysterectmies involve getting testicles getting put in place of what was removed. But I'm not a Dr, so, I could be wrong.
LCDC
FirstnameBunchofnumbers
It measures HGC (human growth hormone) which can be present with tumors
jurassicmark
Beta Hcg (human chorionic gonadotrophin)
LCDC
But why would a dude take a pregnancy test. That’s the weird part
jurassicmark
Because peeing on things is fun.
ChubbyNipple
Is that someone your mom and are you that cyst?
sgtrodriguezj6430415
guerillagirl
Savage
hockeybrat
ColClone54
Well at least they didn't issue a cyst and decease order.
cinderspires
or ectopic pregnancy. look it up.
InkedInOttawa
Nope
TheAnimalBehaviourist
I'm not a doctor, but if she had a hysterectomy, surely any sperm wouldnt reach the falopian tubes/ovaries for an ectopic?
ColClone54
That'd be a looooonnngg trip for them little swimmers even if they're doin' the backstroke.
ChickenFingerFingers
And they can use an ultrasound to check it.
TheBubblerum
You done got one of those rare anal babies
Flexster74
thetruejoz
Does that mean baby comes out black? Or is there some other factor that makes color change?
nitroghost
.
saintsolaris
Congratulations! You're going to have a lawyer.
KonaDarbles
Like Arnie had!
myotherusernameismyotherusername
UrsulatheArtist
strangeassfiction
The brown ones, with corney eyes?
Applepotamus
ThoughtYouSaidSithLord
davidthegoliath
Or maybe Antman crawled up the wrong butthole
Alistairetheblu
ImNotAnOrange
https://imgur.com/89Hclhu
[deleted]
[deleted]
ilhares
I'm not a master of etymology (or Greek, either), but I'd think the intimation is that you were the spawn of shit.
WaterYourPlants
Nope. "Κωλο-" is used in many swearwords that don't have to do with that. κωλοφημερίδα, κωλοπεριοδικό κωλόσπιτο, κωλοφυλλάδα, κωλόφυλλο.
Sherlock89
Ectopic pregnancies are weird as hell....
hisdudenesselduderino
But not possible without overies last rime i checked
Sherlock89
True, but hysterectomies don't always involve removing to ovaries. They are two separate surgeries though often linked.
hisdudenesselduderino
Op said sh aint got none
Sherlock89
The second edit wasn't there when I made my comment, my bad. Though that technically isn't just a radical hysterectomy then. It's a radical
coz23
Congratulations, it's a lawyer!
GutenTagHerrFraulein
I need this to be top comment +1
turdfergason
Potetgull92
KismetCrew
I thought "ianal" was for when you /weren't/ a lawyer.
TheGriffin
taterthotsfordinner
Is that where brown people come from?
TresusIbor
thetallfreak
reverendleonard
LetMeinNow
IvanWestenbrug
?
TheBigBadBonerBiter
Waiting for the imgur mods to delete this comedy gold.
Ilovetomakestuffup
dotnetbeast
Dwayne Wade to LeBron James alley pop right there.
WristDeepInaPussy
A shame I only have one up vote to give
UltraBooster
iamthisguy247
As a brown guy, can confirm. I was born from an ass delivery.
theycallmetatersalat
Applepotamus
TheHawkRules
Nah, Lawyers.
Retronyx
I wonder how long it will take for this comment to be removed.
memesaremyoxygen
Seriously imgur bans comments like that? That’s fucked
taterthotsfordinner
I cant believe it's still up either, I made it fully expecting a 24hr ban within 5 minutes
MrWobblyHead
Nope. Only parking meter attendants
furnitureandeffects
CaffeineManic
That's a paddlin'…
GiantEnemyMudcrabz
Pherlin
Nah. That's where people who throw trash on the ground come from.
WristDeepInaPussy
cptwott
Strange ... I got banned for something much less offensive.
Lambdafish1
The more obsurd the offense, the less offensive it is. Are you offended if I call you a space nazi from Mars?
taterthotsfordinner
I saw iron sky, there are space nazis hiding on the dark side of the moon
MidgetRacer8192
and Transformers.
PompatusOfLove
It's not offensive. At all.
somethingawesomeandgreat
Merely a question with clear intention to be a joke
CaptainPajamas
BrushesofDoom
FrenziiTheSuccubus
Throwaway190190
It's a butt boy!
PutThePRNDLinD
No test is 100%...I guess.
CirB
This was my thought. A false positive.
rawdog
Pregnancy test is a hormone check... you can have hormones out of whack. Now if an ultra-sound comes back positive, let us know! @OP :)
Corrodias
It can also just be a false positive. Tests are generally not *perfect*. The staff should know this...
CheeseCakePancakes
B hcg is negative outside of pregnancy or cancer
maelennfromterokkareu
Unfortunately, often true for the latter.
JoSTL15
Yeah, the tests can be wrong based solely off hormones.
AccountCreatedToUpvoteDogs
Yeah there was a story on reddit about a dude that pissed on a pregnancy test and it came up positive. Turns out he had prostate cancer
Sephority
Oof
insolentwerp
Maybe she has prostate cancer too?
makacek
wasnt it testicular cancer?
AccountCreatedToUpvoteDogs
You are correct. https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/4ou65c/rage_comic_leads_to_diagnosis_of_testicular_cancer/