MyArmKindaHurts
365669
8814
270
meirl
Shakespeare
FP edit: Holy fuck! Cheers x
Having a rough day, so this made me happy
(Send me shit if you feel like it)
juanchits
#5 is gold
jkjk1123
You had all of my old favorites and my new favorites too!! Thanks!!
MikeInSoCal562
why another mexican mall? they already have stonewood center.
TheDeanofLean
I need to use reprobate more often.
madaahk
I've seen that baby shower tweet in all of the dumps lately.
ageofpug
That brontosaurus one is fucking amazing
RichardAdkins
I don't usually read these. So glad I did. +1
shasuba
I wish da last 1 wuz true
humdiddlydoo
Scottish tweets are my favorite.
ehnayehn
Same. Scottish twitter all day every day
vc120
MyArmKindaHurts
https://media.giphy.com/media/l0IycI0rreFNQwmSQ/giphy.gif
TarantulaPete
Southern Comfort for the last one.
waluigihentai
The last one killed me
ahkmedren
I was equally disappointed and impressed at how long it took me to appreciate the first one. Man. That's primo.
Smeelio
Jesus Christ, Jess, stop mentioning breastmilk all the time, it's really fucking spooky. You're scaring the children!
ImMrbulldops
Ya fucking reprobate
Cliccclacc
Can you elaborate on your arm pain?
MyArmKindaHurts
Have you seen 127 hours?
Cliccclacc
Yeah, why?
FreightBallsofFire
FUCK YOU BRUCE!
outlawsoul
that is uncalled for.
Mikeiller
Ander49
#7 *Does* it still get hard?
MyArmKindaHurts
https://media.giphy.com/media/7hCY0cBt54Eve/giphy.gif
SecretlyThreeDucksInAManSuit
Igottiredofmyusernamesoichangedit
Is that shakepeare one in iambic pentameter too?
dephress
No.
iHaveAthingForPineapples
Wait..wait...but isn't all milk, breast milk? (Yes even almond milk which comes from the breasts of almonds)
mechanicalchaos
Try specifying that to your grocer.
alsoAzrael
Upvoting for almondtitty awareness.
ehnayehn
It's more like an ovary
airandfingers
They're only called breasts on primates. They're udders on four-legged mammals, and mammary gland is the generic term.
InCaseOfStairsUseFire
these twitter jokes are so fucking lame and unfunny. the same format of 1p quote, 2p quote, 1p quote again something fucking stupid
MyArmKindaHurts
https://media.giphy.com/media/QGzPdYCcBbbZm/giphy.gif
InCaseOfStairsUseFire
haha
TimothyTRiG
Tip: Hit the left or right arrow on your keyboard.
InCaseOfStairsUseFire
i do but then am bombarded by another twitter literal-piece-of-shit dump haha
JamBarn
ageofpug
Wtf is thid
CatBlaster5000
http://imgur.com/Gc8gjfJ
mthornton91
How else do you make new friends?
MyArmKindaHurts
Why do you think my arm hurt? ;)
AngryFoodTerror
TerritorialRotbart
Fooled again...
AngryFoodTerror
*bamboozled
GuessWho7197
CatBlaster5000
Godammit.
Yacobs21
I feel like I've seen more Jojo comments recently
superseriouscomments
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkysjcs5vFU
GoldenVoltZ
Just started this. Dio is a piece of shit.
AngryFoodTerror
Yeah. The meme is good though.
emptymyspine7
wrryyyyyyyyyy
AngryFoodTerror
Oh hey, free candy.
jampz
Synai
But it's so they don't push harder
Frostkyte
The drive though octopus one does it for me.
JamsE
"Tae" start lifting. It's pronounced, "tae"
greenross25
Me too bro I love that one
prodmerc
Doors open inwards unless they're fire exits, with rare exceptions...
Gayforbae
Plot twist it's one of them artsy places that has a roll up door disguised as a traditional one
eelero
I think it's funny too, although I've never had someone tell me how do use a door when I try it wrong before.
rshackleford
I laugh every time at the bee one. I hope that guy has a million retweets by now
Unravelled
Ya fuckin weapon
shartsicle
Fuckin reprobate is my flave
MarkofWisdom
But what if it's a garage door? Those are also pull doors, though you pull up on them
marderfucker
For me it's the brontosaurus one
ratpatoot1e
I love the way he says "ya" before he orders.
Doolally
Breastmilk.
NachoPete
It's not breastmilk though. Just to be clear.
forgotmyoldusernameclassic
Whose Pete are you then?
BewareTheCrocigator
Wanna taco bout it?
Omegarighteous
Scottie tweets always get me
stacetovnwodi
So we're just going to pretend that there wasn't a pig in the back ground of the picture with the girl and seed catalog?
veryfarawaycountry
That pig is the family pet. (Xploding unicorn has been posted a lot of times here.)
KeeleonOhms
Are you surprised that someone who owns a seed catalog also owns a pig?
stacetovnwodi
Now that you say that... no.
NoWisdomWithoutRegret
I didn't notice that. I probably unconsciously assumed it was a coffee table.
ExtremelyHappyGuy
People assume that a lot with pigs.
Mikeiller
You mean you don't use your pig as a coffee table?
ExtremelyHappyGuy
Only on Tuesdays.
NoWisdomWithoutRegret
Well, I mean, it's darkish brown and has legs. Also we can only see half of it.
JrtheCat
I did not come to comment, just to let you know that I am a vegan.
dsl4241
But you did comment
Captainplanetmotherfucker
Whlist you let everyone know you're a vegan, I studied the blade.
Scytale94
This comment is going places.
BoooBoooKiittyFuck
Not to the butcher shop, but places.
NachoPete
Enjoy your vegetables and sadness.
AwesomePersonified
Want to upvote comment. Want to downvote vegan.
Zaranthan
Ooh, ooh! I found the vegan! ...I'm so bad at this.
Imlyingabouteverything
Don't worry, they always find you first
ThePowerOf42
But do you vape ??
wasting2muchtime
No. He is already gay.
ThePowerOf42
samtherat6
But you're not. You've talked about how you ate chicken and hate soy. You've made comments like this before. Why the vegan hate?
JesseLetsCook
Found the vegan
OfficialJoeBiden
Why are you stalking this guy lol
Ransbear
It is called a joke.
samtherat6
The jokes got tiring after the second one. And besides, jokes are supposed to be funny. Not really funny.
OfficialJoeBiden
https://youtu.be/ByC8sRdL-Ro
Ransbear
I think it is funny, and fitting since there's a similar one in the dump.
samtherat6
But why do you find it funny? That's what I don't get.
MyArmKindaHurts
https://media.giphy.com/media/66r2Yxv4APr8Y/giphy.gif
TakeAFannyGallop
Well I guess you don't need a cup tray.
Grudgebearingmidget
@Tinyoctopus ?
ambidexterousamputee
If i could +100
hodorgoestomordor
When I see a good comment that won't get the points it deserves cuz it's too deep /a/q6unr
dirtyketchup
I'm sorry, but #5 is wrong. I work in retail, and have watched people REPEATEDLY pull harder and harder on our push door looking confused.
badwolfandtheoncomingstorm
Right? They already tried the wrong thing, maybe they will lift from the bottom if they aren't reading it. You can't trust people.
Ilovealldogtypes
I work in a hotel and one of our doors was out of service with a sign on it. People still tried to open it and would get mad at us.
Ninjainslippers
And then give up and go use a different exit...
CorporalAlyss
Work in retail at a tiny shop and some lady stood in front of the doors for a lil bit before turning around and coming to say "they wont ...
CorporalAlyss
Let me out!" I walked over thinkin maybe they're locked for some dumb reason but no she thought they were automatic like lady howd u get in?
ilikepancakesmorethanpeople
You can't stop stupid.
pookieeatworld
They just don't want to admit they're wrong.
MOMOnica97
I mean, technically if you push hard enough a pull door can become a push door.
TheGuyWithTheAnswers
I did that once at my school main doors.. not the brightest kid I guess
evydear3
I worked 2 yrs at a Levi's retail store that had glass doors. I saw and heard 3 people walk (hard) right onto our windows. That's 3 too many
RaspberryPeriod
I worked at a café that had glass doors. We even put big stickers on it and people still managed to bang their faces against the glass
dirtyketchup
Yeah. Had the paramedics called because people did that to our glass doors.
rhymeswithmay
Yes and when it's locked because we aren't open just keep fucking trying to rip it open.
PatrickPettibone
I mean some doors are heavy.
BlastFX
Sometimes doors get jammed. If it's during opening hours, I'll try a bit harder before assuming you're not there.
Totallyscrewedinaustin
That's the best, because then you can stand and watch them being stupid, but you don't have to talk to them.
rhymeswithmay
Sometimes I sit in my car after work and just watch the people try to go in and get all mad. The little things make me happy.
Bobsaq
I hate this. I have people walk up to my shop, read the posted hours, try the door anyway, get upset, try the door again, and leave.Everyday
ChiLLeCheeze
I was setting up a bank that had just been built. People kept trying to come in and gave me dirty looks despite the sign saying "NOT OPEN".
dephress
People used to show up AN HOUR before we opened and bang on the door until we told them to wait, to which they replied, "But you're here."
TwoCheese
I'd flip em off if I ain't on the clock.
tantallous
I had someone walk in the exit when someone was leaving, go around to the entrance door and stand there inside. I asked if i could help 1/2
tantallous
him. He says "yeah the door wouldnt open" as he is messing with the lock. Thats cause we're closed. See you tomorrow.
rhymeswithmay
Happens around Xmas every year.