BottomShelfVodka
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@FuckmothingxVampire @PWBoiler & @StevenAlleyn
@Thispostisaboutacat
@PrincePiggo @NoFuxToGive @polocaster @Fairdinkums @SLCtechie
@sillyhyaena
@HileyNoteson Yoooooooooooooooooooooo
I am thankful that I can confidently say that we get to be the ones in my family to break the cycle of mental and physical abuse. I was fortunate enough to find someone who loves and adores our son unconditionally, and he finds a way to go above beyond for him every day
So, for this Father's day, I want to thank my husband, @FrothyStout for being the best father to our son. He is everything and more to our child that I wish I had growing up.
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discord.gg/bottomshelfvodka
Taco Supreme With The Sour Cream Mustache tax.
edwardelricsnipples
#23 hey that's Salt Lake
Dannyalcatraz
#6 I was reading this joke to my Mom…and her Alexa started talking about calling the police! (But it didn’t actually do it. 🤷🏾♂️)
1wholurks
#7 "Run on home boy"
epicurusaquinas
#13 Good post @OP BSV. This was an awesome one. My fave response at work when people asked "How you doing today?" .. was "I'm doing so good I should be you."
Happy Monday bud!
Devilishkitty
#31 Wild apes don't actually typically eat bananas. Even if they did, human population probably outnumbers non-human primate population by a factor that's something like x70. Humans consume about 100 billion bananas a year. To get even close, every single non-human primate would need to consume 2,5 bananas a day.
ThiSpaceForEnt
#15 All dads might be daddys but not all daddys are dads
BottomShelfVodka
moxythree
#18 makes sense. He probably calls you “Dad” more than anything.
smashfaceawesome
#6 guess he was playing “red light”
Alomega
#36 The fuck? “The rules state don’t participate in this sever?”
pluralone
Inside jokes don't go over well with us mere mortals.
shotty814
BottomShelfVodka
https://youtu.be/vFhUB8dnx1A?si=vlaRPifJXv5or4wB Actually..
SlytlyDerangd
My dad-like reply to "how are you?" "I'm a little too fat and not happy enough, but I'm alright!" usually gets a chuckle bc it's so dam relatable.
IamIntoleranceIntolerant
#9 should be at least minus 50 points for "My wife's and I's".
pdp1
#31 Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom
HileyNoteson
#27 yooooooooo
BottomShelfVodka
MadamPuddifoot
#26 I'm a 40 year old woman and I do that.
pluralone
Which means you're a funny guy, right? (Comment from a 65 year old woman who refers to herself as a 'nice guy'.)
trigonman3
#24
PatrickDiomedes
Smooth Lions are eating me
trigonman3
smooth in every direction
livurz
#1 Well you know how non-binary ninjas kill people?
They/them
Eldibs
#22 Protip for my fellow cashiers - if they say "I guess it's free then," respond with "Actually, company policy says we have to charge double." Also, if you check a $100 and they say some variation of "I just printed it," say "I'm gonna have to confiscate this, I need a different form of payment." Gets them every time.
BottomShelfVodka
As a server, I get the "a winning lottery ticket?" response to "Can I get you anything else?" at least twice a day. I always say "You think if I had that I'd be here right now?"
Eldibs
Oh yeah, definitely heard that one before. My go-to is "Sorry, the last customer got the last one."
ThatWeirdoOverYonder
#22 What a way to find out I'm apparently a dad.
cmdshift3
#5 geez lady, save some ladies for the rest of us
pixelscapes
#5
QuartzPoker
#6 16 times? That burglar had to stop and reload, that's how much they hated you in that moment.
TinyOctopus
Why sleep in front of the refrigerator? Tiny octopus has no idea.
RadiDaddy
I’d guess cuz it puts out a little heat and cats like warmth. Ours would camp out in front of the stove when we were cooking or baking cuz he liked the warmth.
OnomatopoeicOnanisma
Humans go to fridge for foods, cat is simply staking it out to get 'tribute'. Or that weird thing where a cat will just sit in front of closed door for hours until it is opened.
I've also had cats where they _must_ sit/sleep on any piece of plastic even if comfier beds are available. Not sure why.
johnson442
Warm draft from the coils underneath. Possibly the textured surface, too?
rgraz65
Also, if I place anything on the floor, be it a box, a plastic bag, a plate...anything, any one of my cats nearby will try to sit and lay inside/ atop of the item. Even uncomfortable items.
BottomShelfVodka
Where else would you sleep though?
johnson442
It is convenient, though.
NotAHugeSpider
BottomShelfVodka
InsaneDeman
#36 👀
BottomShelfVodka
👀
KairiRatten
That's a strange rule to have to mute a discord.... Why is that?
darkdragonempress
It’s a requirement.
KairiRatten
.......... I understand that, I asked why ...
dwolvin
Because people
darkdragonempress
It’s a joke. There’s no requirement to mute the server.
SinStar87
RunanD
You can mute all, mute @s, direct @s only, etc. Muting is pretty customizable
saikaici
Yeah but only psychopaths don't suppress @everyone and all the variations too
BottomShelfVodka
Then I guess you have to leave the whole server
SinStar87
>< ok
PrincePiggo
Thanks for the tag @OP
v
BottomShelfVodka
StevenAlleyn
lol was just like “who tagged me in what now?” Glad the joke went over well :)
BottomShelfVodka
They call me the ping queen.
trigonman3
Hey Ping Queen, happy father's day
BottomShelfVodka
That was a lie. Nobody calls me that. Idk why I'm like this.
CedricDur
I can call you the penguin if it helps.
OnomatopoeicOnanisma
I dub thee "The Ping Queen" there you go. :)
shotty814
Not even in high school?
rockypecheur
#33 Because conquerors get to rename places?
kublaikhan
It's a reference to a song by They Might Be Giants called "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)"
pluralone
Yep! I could hear that meme.
dwolvin
I still hear the opening violin any time that city comes to mind...
DietCokeIsMyDrugOfChoice
Same. Thanks, Tiny Toon Adventures!