boredasusuall
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Edit: daamn front page, i try to reply to comments, easier to message, sadly yes i live in the middle of most of these things and i walk around without a flamethrower
Yall are awesome thanks for the love
fiveftninja
2 meter eastern brown in my backyard today
ff7cstrife
I like bulldog ant He's a pretty cool guy. Eh kills aleins and doesn't afraid of anything.
HaveGinWillBabble
Old-school memes.
frondy
I was looking for this comment +1
cforcalvin
wrong. there is no spider that looks harmless
eggboy
Mouse spiders look really cute. Quite venomous tho. A mate lost half his foot to one
cyno01
Isnt there some tree that if you touch it, it hurts so bad people have killed themselves?
NuArcher
The Gympie Gympie bush. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendrocnide_moroides
shoulkion
Antarctica sounds nice. No spiders snakes or fucking murder ants
PardusXY
Well then technically you can still visit Australia, because Australia has claimed about 1/3 of it.
obarey
Just stay away from penguins.
ZOMGNO
Please don't visit though. The high volume of tourists are apparently damaging the eco system
[deleted]
[deleted]
ZOMGNO
I meant Antarctica, bro. Apart from during ANZAC times, I'm with ya on the uselessness of our big ol' neighbour.
wilkins1952
There are spiders in Antarctica they are just sea ones
bennyskaus
You missed the blue ring octopus! That fucker most venomous motherfucker to walk the earth!
TheSpeakerOfTheHouse
This is why Melbourne is the safest place to live in Australia, and is filled with pussies.
JustAnotherknarF
Your country looks beautiful, but I'm gonna stay here in Canada where I can deal with Wolves, coyotes, Bears & bad poutine . Thanks :)
cas86
You missed the most dangerous animal of all, the mighty Dropbear
NoUserNamesLeftToChooseFrom
Fuckn Hoop snakes left off as well. They scare the shit outta me. Stay away from hills.
WacknCheese
Deadset cunts they are!
Golgafrinchantelephonesanitizer
Let's not forget the hoop snake.
RedCharlie
Fun Drop Bear facts, with talons up to 8cm in length and razor sharp teeth they are known to drop down on unsuspecting tourists and maul you
stalledmoon2390
Unsubscribe
CiderChugginBitch
Only tourists though. Drop bears don't like the smell of yeast so the locals are safe. Spread Vegemite on your face before going for a walk.
kevertje
Tried that, one still tried to get me, luckily my gf got it away from me.
CoffeeMakesMeTwitchy
I thought it was people
WacknCheese
Hey hey hey aye aye aye nah nah nah mate mate mate......yeah a little.
sunflowersticklemorethanfeathers
Huntsman is still the worse, Aussie here absolutely hate them!!
NoUserNamesLeftToChooseFrom
They are harmless. Unless you mean human huntsman like Mick Taylor, yeah scary.
Cavall0
Freaky cunts aren't they!
sunflowersticklemorethanfeathers
Don't care if they are harmless as @joelarc said creepy cunts, especially when they stare at you while cleaning each leg
Draxkang
Killed a lot of characters in Path of Exile indeed. They needed that nerf
CrackerJackPrize
WHEN THEY DROP FROM THE WHERE??
VirtualChessLessons
When they drop from that box of cracker jacks you're going to buy in the near future
CarpeDizzle
It doesn’t afraid of anything
tygerpsimatrix
"Doesn't afraid of anything indeed!" - Lord Freeza, DBZA
SecondSince
Beat me to it.
BolenArrow
See this black widow looking spider that is creepy as fuck? No that doesn't fucking look harmless bitch you crazy?
AnthonyLittle09
Good one @op! Just needed to add blue ringed octopus. There is no antidote and you can't feel being bitten. Just paralysis & stop breathing.
noZen0
Even scarier is the Irukandji jellyfish. It's smaller than your thumb and you'd die before reaching the shore.
Scrampy123
*wallaby. I doubt this guy is Australian if he can't spell wallaby.
donegoneandbrokeit
Or you could fly another couple of hours and come to New Zealand, where we have NONE OF THESE THINGS
crsdoom
believe us, we all want to come there
tomalt
In Australia the animals try to kill you, in NZ it's the fuckin ground that tries to kill you. Boiling mud, earthquakes, volcanos. Love em.
BenSnow97
Just the animals? Go look up the Dendrocnide Moroides. No, it's not a Harry Potter spell, but you'll soon wish it was one.
tomalt
oh I'd forgotten about that one. Also it's not just the animals, there's the heat, the floods, the drivers. And that's just QLD.
TheNax
How is NZ's spider game? Not if they are dangerous, just are they big/common?
donegoneandbrokeit
Generally common but small. A few giants around, but hard to find for the most part.
TheNax
Hm, NZ could be a possible place to go then. Can't handle spiders!
BenSnow97
Also, it's basically Middle Earth
ForTaxReasons
It's literally Middle Earth
monkeyshines
My grandfather, who got bitten by a redback spider, would disagree.
ArchangelValkyrie
As an aussie. Seriously. Just go to NZ. the locals are nice blokes and its way more green and nicer than here.
EddyWantok
Second that!
Gruwidge
Australia: no eathquakes, tones of monster. New Zealand: no monsters, earthquakes
theitinerantnaturalist
Humans killed off monsters from both Australia and New Zealand. Marsupial lions, megalania, and giant man-eating eagles were real once.
Gruwidge
poor poor Tasmanian Tiger as well, though thats not really a monster
ElPoloDiablo
New Zealand has no monsters because they vanquished Sauron
thepurpletwitch
Honestly I’d take the ground trying to kill me over every single living creature after my blood plus the zone of death in the middle of AUS
drewzzard
New Zealand. One really bad earthquake that one time, and a few pretty bad ones around the same time, but other than that not really
drewzzard
Although it does sit on a fault line so who knows it could quite easily become a hotbed of earthquake doom
perey
"That one time"? Would that be Napier 1931, NZ's deadliest? Christchurch 2011, deadliest in recent memory? Or 2010's bigger one? (1/3)
perey
Wairarapa 1855, biggest in NZ history? How about Taupo volcano c.27K years ago, the world's most recent supereruption, or c.200BC, (2/3)
perey
which may have darkened the skies in Rome? Not that I'm biased in favour of Australia... (PS My Kiwi wife found your comment funny.) (3/3)
JWT07
You forgot the magpies, mate. Fuckin cunt with wings, those
teenageasshat
heh i used to have one as a pet and all it'd do is squawk at ya
JWT07
Not the ones from down under, amigo~ search youtube and aee for yourself lol
teenageasshat
i live here dickhead
JWT07
No need to he a salty cunt, I was just saying
teenageasshat
you're all right mate
DickVonFuckstick
I can hear your accent. Neat.
JWT07
?
Mickstah
Magpies are awesome birds, they're super chill if they know you're not a threat
boredasusuall
I have many scars from those winged bastards
JWT07
Hah~ I remember taking a 'racket to a few years back and got promptly beat with said racket xD good times
boredasusuall
And they say you cant learn shit from tennis ????????????
JWT07
That had me laughing like a loon for a good mintue xD thanks mate lol
boredasusuall
Your most welcome thats what im here for :)
unwittinglyrad
Pfft. Huntsman’s are pussies, Redbacks keep to themselves. The rest you wont see in the inner city.. List doesn’t mention Funnelweb spiders.
jcs031920
....or Cassowaries! Emus on roids.
ingoz
Except red bellies black snakes. And bull sharks in the rivers.
twowholeinches
This. Funnel webs can bite through toenails
adellGameCat
I have literally been shivering for the 5 minutes reading the post and comments. I live in Aus but I haven't felt this afraid in ages.
theitinerantnaturalist
Brown snakes live in cities.
canonlyturnright
Funnelwebs are bastards. Everyone fears those here.
Cyanide555
I am not that scared of spiders and nzs tunnelweb is a nothing but the sydney funnel web scares the crap out of me
ElberethGilthoniel
Or blue-ringed octopus
andreColorPrincess
Hell yes was surprised this didn't make the cut. Maybe sharks were too obvious as well
AustrailanSecurityIntelligenceOrganisation
Browns won’t chase you and generally give dry bites and they are fucken slow as when it’s cold, tigers though, those are cunts
clubpingu
Saw a tiger catchin sun across a road once. Must have been 4.5 to 5m long. I was about 20m aeay and it turned and started moving to me. 20m.
clubpingu
Away*
AustrailanSecurityIntelligenceOrganisation
Where did you see a bloody tiger? They anti native, was stalked by dingos with my brother for a bit and shot gun was enough though
JackRepliesin3rdPerson
Jack scratches Australia off the list of places he was wanting to go.
Imguralterego
But we named our bullants after you! They sting like a MF, too. Got bitten a few times as a kid.
EngineerZero
Nah you’ll be right mate. I’ve never seen any of the above outside of a zoo
SometimesIUseAllOfMyCharactersAtOnceAndDontCareAboutTheConsequ
Bull ants are fucked, haven't been stung by any of the others yet.
bronypokey6918
You silly prick
ILoveTomHanksAlsoCatsSuckDogsRule
Me too.
Silverforte
Why the fuck is Australia so deadly?
awkwrdshittinpanda
After reading the username
jfunkx15
Brvtals
shanner33
Exactly!!
HighImpactSexualViolence
*Adds "Visit Australia" to the bottom of bucket list*
JLPDayton72
Also named Jack here....also crosses it off list....
CapnReach
Been here for 2 months so far, haven't seen anything like these guys except 1 huntsman spider in an outhouse bathroom. It's a beautiful /1
IBrewLiquidGold
Stay the F Away from the brown- especially the babies. They don’t know how much venom to injection, so they will just go to town regardless
CapnReach
Good to know, but yeah definitely didn't use the restroom
Cerinna
Agreeing with Jack here.
DerpNerpem
He is Jacks wasted life
DevonGronka
I've been. I saw a cassowary in the wild. And I snorkeled on the great barrier reef. It was awesome. The cities are really nice. Just 1/2
DevonGronka
stick to the cities and you'll be fine. Also, New Zealand is gorgeous and as far as I know has none of that. =)
CapnReach
/3 come to love it as I have I reckon. Don't live your life in fear, just take a few precautions and you will be fine
RoguePacifist
Why not just go during winter? Sure their winter might not make EVERYTHING shrivel up and die but good enough, no?
jobe
Haha yeah winter, think Sydney saw 15C a few times last winter maybe, its pretty moderate all year round, 20C - 30C mostly round here
Arrrrgggggghhhh
Yeah and Melbourne is beautiful all year round too *sarcastic wink*.
CarpeDizzle
It’s never winter in Darwin - official city motto
Snorlax242
There are slightly less mosquitos in winter. That is all.
RoguePacifist
Ah, dang. Thanks
viasycosis
Bahahaha! Winter...? That's the time when the sun is not quite so much of a bastard, right?? Lols ;)
1POINT772453850905516027298167483341
There's a reason so many of these type of critters live in Aus. Winter doesn't get cold enough to really harm them, so they don't die out
CarlosBandana
I am Jack's inflamed sense of rejection.
Valaar
Has Jack met Jeff ?
?1
Goku
Goku lives in Australia and has a redback pet
CapnReach
/2 place and you should definitely visit it. Most of these animals don't live where people do, and there are tons of safe beaches. You will
PolarChi
I'm Ashleigh. Ashleigh still wants to go to Australia. You can't scare me off, Aussies!
HEXADECIMAL
Note to EVERYONE: Australia, Not Even Once.
WacknCheese
Its really quite nice here ☺
translocated
I'm going to Melbourne and Tasmania in a couple weeks, so tell me honestly: how fucked am I?
WacknCheese
Melbournes fine, Tassy is pretty bittey at this time of year but you'll be fine mate, have a great time an try some of the Whisky in Tassy
translocated
Will do, thanks :D
freezingpilot
Then why do you have so many expats living in Canada? And kiwis too for that matter.
WacknCheese
Cause its opposite land for us, at the sametime still a Commonwealth country. Snow is a serious novelty. You're weird, but our kinda weird.
Majnizzle
'Straya cunt!
practicallyperfect
Agree! People seem to overlook that if you’re aware of and respect the wildlife here, you won’t have a problem :)
WacknCheese
Exactly, 15 years Army, 40 odd years on the planet an zero snake or spider bites....in Aus that is. Probably not trying hard enough.
practicallyperfect
Given how venomous everything here is, I think we should be satisfied with not trying TOO hard... you know, just in case ;)
CPTNNemo
True, I just returned and wanna go back. All year summer and none of the things above (I had to go to zoo to see them... fucking marketing)
StragoMagus
You just want us to come there so those monsters will accept us as your offering and leave you alone
WacknCheese
What mon....oh you mean our cute native fauna? Nah mate, all cute an cuddly!!
somepersondoingsomethings
It's a trap!
Paracelsush
No, no! Honest! Please visit, we will give you sandwiches!
WacknCheese
Fairy bread even!!!
WacknCheese
I am most assuredly not a human skun bag filled with spiders! Nope na! Not me mate! Everythings tops here! Come for a visit! Bring freinds!!
Shohanna
I still want to go! Call me .... suicidal? I dunno, but Always wanted to see the Sydney Opera House.
teenageasshat
it's pretty cool but bloody expensive!
Shohanna
Thanks for the warning, will make sure to bring extra! :D
teenageasshat
yeah just a hint: don't plan to eat at the cafes right beside the opera house, they're all overpriced scams
Shohanna
But.. it's part of the night out. Maybe you can show me around Eh? Whatyasay?
CiderChugginBitch
Oh and Sydney funnel web spiders. Don't reach anywhere without looking and look for circles of dead grass.
Shohanna
Will keep that in mind. :D
Selkii
Wallaby. It’s spelt ‘wallaby’. You fuckin cunts.
Awilbut
*spelled
Selkii
Ah. Yes. Correct. I blame wallabies.
chaoticgamerdude
gofuyose
Fuck this. All. Of. It.
brujahenforcer
You missed that our birds in australia have now started using firebombing as a hunting method
Duckogoesquacko
Yes, very impressive !
CityOfThePath
Oy mate, this looks like a noice place to settle down -First Aussies...probablly
twowholeinches
Yew beauty! Oi! Mate! This looks like a bloody cracker of a spot to Chuck a pub and a few tents. Chuck a woollies over there. Onya.
teenageasshat
actually it went more like "there's too many fucking flies"
skeletonnesoffun
The queen wanted a danger island to dump all her criminals. Jokes on you we adapted, lady
walterPPK
A tourist in the Grampians was killed when he saw some kangaroos boxing and decided to take one on.
teenageasshat
dickhead
obarey
Someone watch too much Looney Toons.
FullyFunctioningSociopath
theitinerantnaturalist
Holy shot
BlackoutAU
It's not the front claws you have to worry about
CosmicKitten10
jcro21
Fuckin' catheads
Lixard
The tiny bindis hurt like hell at first, then you get used to them... And then you grow up and see these cunts.
CosmicKitten10
Three-Cornered jacks the arch nemesis of any SA school ground kid
malcolmisamazing
Fucking bindis Seven years of Qld primary school with no shoes I could walk across the school oval unscathed
twowholeinches
Lies! I have had those fuckers pierce plugged before.
teenageasshat
jesus
WuTangoReinhardtUnchained
Yeah nah, Bruce
juice888
So basically you have to be a badass to survive in Australia?
StopAskingMeForAnAccountImgurIWannaLurk
Or a lucky cunt
Dexxus
Nah, just don't piss off the animals, mate. Or wipe yer arse with any leaves you find... Last bloke who did that shot himself. Gympie-Gympie
whatrhymeswithsilver
Bloody oath. We're not here to fuck spiders.
WoefulWombat
Yeah, we have to drive armoured cars to the supermarket. My dad was ripped to shreds by a kangaroo while getting the mail.
Lixard
When me and my siblings were being born, my mother had to fight off an angry gang of Koalas.
WoefulWombat
That's nothing. My baby brother was almost eaten alive by a murder of crows at a family BBQ (actually a true story. Was scary af).
Lixard
That's the reason why what you call a group of crows is a 'murder'.
RoryBlack1
We tend to get by with blind luck as most are too stupid to k own otherwise
WacknCheese
Stupid here...can verify
jackaboydrac
Boy even 10cm tall budgies are aggressive their tiny 2cm beak makes you bleed for HOURS
Rivalyn
I'm pretty sure it wasn't founded as a prison colony because it was isolated.
WacknCheese
Fun fact, the Brits used to punish uncooperative convicts with transportation up the coast to Brisbane. Now they flock there for holidays!!
ButterfaceTaintClown
Infinitum
I've been bitten by a redback and survived.
ANTIVENIN!
therealVexed
thank man for science
smally1986
Redbacks are pussies, I've been bitten by one before and they told me to put ice on it. Mainly because it feels like you're on fire.
Chimpskey
spiders have two puncture marks
koops
Looks more like a mean in grown hair.
ijoinedtoupvotestuff
This is a perfect demonstration of selective reporting. I’m going to do a post on the cute and cuddly Australian wildlife. Won’t make FP tho
PardusXY
Quokka...
WacknCheese
Bilbys!! Wombats!! Echidna's!!!!
perey
mattchops
I had a redback spider crawl across my face the other day. There’s thousands of them in my shed too. Such is life here.
baddaSleepTerror
Took care of a couple of nests with a makeshift flamethrower
alwaysupvotecanadianhistory
gabbiellie
Red backs had babies in the cubby house at work (I work with young children) killed 40+ spiders in a week. It was the worst
mattchops
Fun fact (maybe? I dunno) but one redback egg sack contains anywhere from 600 to over 1,000 babies!
gabbiellie
Holy ravioli
FritztheChef
I dunno, man. Lots of cunts in Australia.
WacknCheese
Good cunts an bad cunts everywhere mate...geez
IGaveYouDepression
We survive on being drunk enough to not feel it, throw a thong hard enough to kill it. Or use tonnes of fucking bug spray
Pestilenceisone
Listen here Cunt....... Yeah nah yeah nah your right.
AnythingMuchShorter
Cunts can take a pounding though.
ifuckinglovesquirrels
Happy to say, I am one of those cunts.
EddyWantok
Good cunts!
Cilvaa
Same here fellow cunt.
BobbyVegene
Mad cunts
Crawmak
Cunts have a special ability to survive through osmosis exclusively to make the lives of non-cunts harder.
FrulletNT
What cunt ?!
BellamafiaQuackerfellaRecords
Cunt here. Can confirm.
ILoveTomHanksAlsoCatsSuckDogsRule
All us (apart from Canada) in the commonwealth are cunts.
ILoveTomHanksAlsoCatsSuckDogsRule
Actually, maybe it’s just us (the UK and Australia) New Zealand is lovely as well as most of Africa
Goku
Just go to the servo and buy a slurpee. You'll survive
boxersandbluesbrothers
I'd rather have a gaytime.
TheLeagueOfExtraordinaryGentlememes
PardusXY
Just make sure you get the original flavour, the rest are kind of shit.
WacknCheese
Best icecream ever. Fact.
METAAAAAAAAAL
For real though gaytimes are awesome.
teenageasshat
tried to do this today but my thongs melted to the road. i got stuck and stood there watching the road melt as cars drove on it
SpreadyUnsettling
LSD is one hell of a drug, but you probably shouldn't do hallucinogenics in summer heat.
WacknCheese
LSD in our heat is really REALLY weird.
iamthesponge
42 in Melbourne tomorrow. Fucking lava sand.
teenageasshat
45 in mount gambier. ought to head to the coast for a surf, but we have to keep an eye out for fires at home. scary shit
iamthesponge
Good luck my SA friend! Hope the cool change comes and gives you some respite soon!
HauntingPariah
Anyone else read this with an Australian accent in their head?
PardusXY
Which one?
WacknCheese
Tried reading it in a cuzzybro accent, was quite funny
JumalautaPerkele
KotalDom
Yes! but it's already my accent.
HauntingPariah
Then you win on a daily basis...so jealous right now.
CavalierNique
Yes but I live here so... maybe it's not as special XD
HauntingPariah
To you it isn’t...here in Vegas, they speak with an asshole accent...Aussie seems soooo much better.
CavalierNique
Hahahahha asshole accent, thanks for the laugh
TheSwedishCryptid
Yes... That TINY BLACK spider with SUPER RED MARK ON ITS BUTT doesn't look dangerous at all. It doesn't at all scream "Super toxic"
CyborgScribe
Bad but I'm pretty sure those redbacks are almost exactly as deadly as black widows. Which is to say mostly to kids.
parkydiver
To kids, and the elderly mostly. Treated with an ice pack in most cases, and I believe the antivemon is used to handle pain mostly.
ClassyReposts
I found it a stupid that they use the size as argument, but there's no indicator how big it is in the pic. Could be the size of a pig.
CyborgScribe
Dear god no. That would be bad
rvcaptn
tip of your pinky would be a giant one
BlackoutAU
It's about 2cm legs to legs.
ClassyReposts
I know, my point is that the image is not conveying that while it is the base of the whole argumentation.
Bajiir
TLDR: One big scary thing in Australia won't hurt you, but everything else will kill you dead
eggboy
I been bitten by one. Did hurt a bit. Sometimes they carry flesh eating bacteria in their bite.
AussieNord
It’s not that it won’t hurt you. It will and will make you sick. It just won’t kill you
RavennaMagnus
Nah not everything. If it's a mammal/marsupial good chance you'll be fine. Bugs, snakes, fish and some birds will fuck you up
malcolmisamazing
Platypus poison spurs
RavennaMagnus
Pretty rare and unlikely to be an issue. Wild platypus are difficult to find, kangaroos more common
PardusXY
If you somehow catch a wild Platypus, I think you get what you deserve.
Bajiir
Never mind the big marsupial mammal they warn about in this post...
RavennaMagnus
It's pretty much the only one that will do anything, and mostly they leave humans alone. Just don't go near if they're fighting each other
FeChefImgur
You won't find the big roos unless you go looking for them. Certainly not in cities and on the coast where most people are.
theitinerantnaturalist
Even Grey kangaroos get big and they are overpopulated because we killed off 100% of the predators that can keep them in control.
FeChefImgur
What are/were the predators of the grey roos ?