HeywoodJablowmie
581199
16770
499
Getting caught
Son of a bitch. -__-
Mar 6, 2017 2:45 AM
HeywoodJablowmie
581199
16770
499
Son of a bitch. -__-
TheDutchSwedish
Imgur works a treat to replace temporary shame with internet likes huh?
AlBundy33
On the real tho, never understood "getting caught". My wife knows I'm not gonna pressure her for sex...but if she's passing, imma rub 1 out
Gianttesticlemonster
Wekey
My mathematical estimate indicates that if a steady rate was maintained it took him 5:09 minutes to reach climax
amles
I heard about a guy who was in a medical trial and was hooked up to all sorts of things, who did that. The nurses looked at him funny.
BALKatalo
Fake af
JohnBouth
Blumpkin time beyotch
MrAskani
Holy shit. Over 1k yanks????? Gawdamn!!!
eliherr
It's over 8000!
khatey7
Why would a guy jack off in a bathroom when his wife was right there? Men confuse me...
kissmyassets
You should fit in her bit.
dplurker
K
DoublevBomb
Many women can just keep going, there are things that some will never understand: http://imgur.com/O0Bv0dz
PuppyDontCare
What masturbation? What an odd concept
Nommy86
Put it on your non-dominate hand
SherMattLockSmith
I'll take things that didn't happen for 1000, Alex.
zippityhooha
Which part isn't believable?
evilreborn
Gotta get those steps in somehow.
TormenCat
Lost it! Hahaha
InternationalNitWit
http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/93/59/26b619339f371be6382ab44109afd71b.gif
neighbourhoodlurker
That is the funniest shit
angelnichole620
Why is she stalking his Fitbit and why did it take 1040 strokes?!?
BeadyEyed123
Second part to your question, because edging.
dasklaus
Others have noted it notifies connected friends when you reach your goal, usually 8000 steps.
angelnichole620
Ah, good to know! I can afford one so I have no idea on how that would work. :) Thank you for explaining.
bingotown
She laughs at you masturbating? Wife her.
MisterTrashPanda
gotta own that shit. lol
Archer5395
Quickly scrub down the bathtub, win-win
iconior
I'll take fake and gay for $400, Alex
ohmyapplepie
It's only gay if another dude was helping him...
motophiliac
"This 'red-handed' internet user posted an image to a popular online community."
LittleRedRidingAndTheHood
Who is @OP?
motophiliac
Correct!
EvisTheCreator
but that's not how fitbit work :s
BeadyEyed123
Please explain. I've known people who share their wrists in a similar manner to increase step counts.
EvisTheCreator
On other devices with pedometers yes. fitbits sue accelerometers as well as gps pairings from the phone for accuracy.
BeadyEyed123
I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just saying if you *shake* (not share lol) your wrist, it's a way to cheat your step count.
OnePingOnly
She's texting him while he's in the bathroom?
BeadyEyed123
Yeah. Because his fitbit count jumped by over a thousand.
l0serish
Yeah..? Some people spend eons on the toilet
happyishturtle
Especially when they are jerking off in there
boobphysicist
Inappropesmagotes
Pthtt pthtt pthtt
gobbo
If I remember to bring my tablet, good luck trying to ever get me off the shitter.
Inauspiciovs
Not even ashamed of it
icameforthedownvotes
"ITS OVER 8000" -Wife probably
SumoSGazer
Which actually happens to be what he said in the Japanese version.
SumoSGazer
Which actually happens to be what he said in the Japanese version.
link117318
Why have all the comments got no likes on a front page post
PMMeYourPancakes
Reddit
alejandroxis4
At least youre fit tho
wormsdie
Good save.
Fisicboy
Just a bit tho
decentideaspoorexcecution
*one wrist is fit
SocialMediaMakesUsLessSocial
At least ya'll all have wives.
NotACanadian
Quagmire.gif
Znayx
Giggity Gigg
Arcturis
His arm for sure
HeywoodJablowmie
The silver lining.
Znayx
But in this case not the pearl necklace
SuperiorPosterior
As they say, save a horse, ride a cowboy, yeehaw!
sheriwallace123
I love that song :)
RobertNAdams
Which song?
FrenchButterPerformance
1040 seems excessive, you need to streamline your process
HeywoodJablowmie
I hop through 5 or 6 videos and hold back until I find the right one
WaffleCopters
Dont we all?
Unravelled
The only right way to do it.
Ragranirk
At least you're honest
Thatwentrightovermyhead
I thought I was the only one.
kickflipinyaface
visual representation of what you just described http://imgur.com/YQCGff3
04FoxSake
Ireallyneedhugs
Perfect.
KhrisBKream
patrick9025
Awesome reply !
nasreal
This meme has been getting a lot of mileage recently.
getotterhere
TimberWilly
3MTA3
OUTFUCKING STANDING COMMENT @RIVERMIST
04FoxSake
why are we yelling??! D:
iamheretogetanswers
Best reply ever
flatearthscientologist
I have seen this like 10 times today lol
kofunstuff
xcopperx
I havent even seen that movie yet and i can still hear it in his voice
flowseeker
Definitely recommend seeing it. It's hilarious.
vennthrax
this is my fav meme
DoublevBomb
http://imgur.com/O0Bv0dz
Veradux
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D-QD_HIfjA
Teranti
Risky Click of the Day ✔
RileyUmbreon
Heh...pump..
04FoxSake
I wondered if anyone else would catch on ;p
SoftwareEngineerWithNotEnoughSalary
kofunstuff
Chillingworth
IT WAS ALMOST NINE THOUSAAAAAAND!
IamLordBeerus
HAD to come back to upvote this comment lol!
JAINARF
monkeylord1
Source to uncensored one plz
MrNlceGuy
We needz it
Zeketec
Asking the real questions now.
LaTransDragon
chins4tw
..The AristoCats?
LaTransDragon
YOU FUCK
slickdickricktherockskippingchampionoftheworld
she knows what's up
ISellVaporWare
StandAgainstTyranny
Okay, what the fuck is this actually from? I've seen this shit fir years and never found any context.
KDXD
Wait, why is she stalking his fitbit ?
lookbelow
Wife responsibilities
imgonnawreckitagain
asking the real questions
Zaranthan
He might've left his phone in the living room, and it dinged when he hit 8k.
Table5
Cause she's a wife.
foxfire1112
she's not stalking, you can add friends on teh app. You basically told on yourself that you dont use fitness equipment
KDXD
Why the fuck would I care how much someone walks lol
foxfire1112
Accountability
CoolCrazy
Connected accounts?
HeywoodJablowmie
Yes
woogigooie
whyyyyy don't you.... stalk... his fitbit?
bioshockisagoodgame
Doh
KDXD
I did, thats why im single now
GoogleFucker
If they're in a challenge, they get notifications of they get surpassed in steps and such
BeardedOne384
Because it's 1,245 steps to that slut Gina's house, and she'll know if that's where he's at!
bomboy23
It notifies your friends when you meet your step goal (default target is 8000 steps)
Badhorsethethoroughbredofsin
Default target is 10000
ImNotAnActorIJustPlayOneOnTV
Not fit bit but my Samsung was 10k then after reset 6k
WhereNoMan
Samsung has a default of 1000 now. I used to get to it while getting ready for work.
ImNotAnActorIJustPlayOneOnTV
Lol. I wonder why they're lowering it...so lazy people feel like they achieved something?
Znayx
So... Over 9000?
Jprice8812
Theres a feature on the fitbit app to see how your friends are doing. They probably see who can do the most a day or so.
arete5
Wait but she is his wife not a friend??
masochisticgiggler
You're the type of person that we need safety bottle caps for prescription bottles for.
iamthisguy247
I thought you could only see each other's weekly steps not daily? I could be wrong.
DrJackBright
Only issue with that is she asked if he was wearing one which seems like she didn't know if he had one
wormsdie
But why use that setting in the first place?
mudstew
Healthy competition. It helps keep me accountable. I'm liable to take more steps when I'm using the daily challenges.
KDXD
Sweet, the perfect tool for overly attached girlfriends. "It only takes you 100 steps at the store, you took 104 - WHO IS SHE"
Mukluck1
101*
Dawnstempest
If you have to worry about crap like that -- dump her ass.
Aquatomahawk
I do that with my coworkers to see who walked more
LimitDoesNotExist
Ever happened to see a jump like OP's?
Znayx
"walked"
mikehonchoness
Ditto
imjeremiad
She isn't. This is a fake conversation for the purposes of humor and karma farming.
PrincessNakedMoleRat
Nah, people with Fitbits do this. It's why I won't get one. All the hens at work clucking over each other's numbers all day. No thanks.
imgonnawreckitagain
thats how i feel about every convo i see on this site
KDXD
I bet you're fun at parties
imjeremiad
You betcha. Did you even do the math? 1040 "steps". Sound realistic?
trepanation
The problem is (with no Fitbit) counting strokes would be a distraction and inflate the numbers
KDXD
how many steps does it take to jerk off? I'm a girl, I have no idea
Californiaburritosareamazinghaveyoueverhadone
Getting married soon and my wife to be knows that getting mad at a dude masturbating is like getting mad at a fire for burning.
szai
Yeah I can't say shit to my spouse. We're both masters of the bate.
darkhavana0512
UavinAGiggowMate
Wife explaining to real estate agent what we need in a house: a private room for my husband, it's a must have.
dasklaus
I'm not sure she's mad, to be honest. Seemed more amused. Also, he's cheating on fitbit!
BlandNotBoring
Yet tons of ppl will still scream outside of a building in rage that it's all up in flames. Lol
Temptedweeds
But if you masturbate so much you don't want to have sex it's a problem.
Californiaburritosareamazinghaveyoueverhadone
True
thequeenoflimbs
Honestly, just don't like it happening when I'm home. Otherwise go for gold.
MetaSomma
I'm totally taking that line
Californiaburritosareamazinghaveyoueverhadone
This is one of many reasons I'm marrying her. Also...she likes to get burnt.
BlandNotBoring
That was...sexy. good for her you're flirty and funny! Lol.
Californiaburritosareamazinghaveyoueverhadone
:D
ultradongle
Me and wife have been together for 13 years, married 5. I tell her when I am going to go jerk off cause about 50% of the time she joins in.
Californiaburritosareamazinghaveyoueverhadone
I'd be lying if I said that never happens. *high fives*
ultradongle
Znayx
That was sad :(
flowseeker
"So come in here and help me out, woman!"
Varkit777
"Are you fucking kidding me!? You're SUPPOSED to get cucked you worthless shit! Now watch me suck this Brown guy's dong!"
NevermindThatShitHereComesMongo
http://img.inkfrog.com/pix/Starbase/psim0045.jpg
bullfuckinshit
TBH, I don't always want it from my woman. As great as the sex is, no one can jack me off better than I jack me off.
SexualPeanut
Not her job.
pookieeatworld
Who says he wasn't thinking about her...
MerToo
by the time he's jacking off in the bathroom while she's got time to taunt him, I'd say he's thinking of anyone but her.
Asinya
Tbh, if he went and hid in the bathroom I suspect either he doesn't want to, or she doesn't. Her comment suggests it's not her denying sex..
Whenceitcame
Cum*
Flyndaran
I hate how that spelling only became common after years of semi-literate porn writers making it so. Alternate definition, not homophone.
Whenceitcame
Lol
SocialMediaMakesUsLessSocial
joedirty1
Wife: "okay im here, now what"? Him: "wrap the fitbit in your neck"
KillerTofu69
But then SHE gets the steps... not in my house, fuckers!
BeadyEyed123
Sometimes you just need a little special alone time.
Hoodornament
You must be married. I agree 100%.
MantistabboginMD
Give him a blumpkin
mikkel97
My friend is wondering what a blumpkin is
SomeonesFetish
blow job whilst taking a dumperino.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Chivatha
to honor her wishes and assuage my own curiosity... the hell's a blumpkin?
Jawsmine
If I remember correctly from junior high jokes, she gives a bj while he takes a shit. Sexy.
Chivatha
not really. but it does make sense given the glee that @alicat5380 seems to have for someone finding out what it is. thanks.
ClitKicker87
OfficialJoeBiden
She sounds high or just ditzy
KangInDaNarth
Your username though
RayloKen
*90s porn music playing in the background*
bkkhk
The golden age of porn
LesbianAndroid
Porn music has become a dying art
atheistarbor
Brown chicken brown cow
ninjafartball
gold
MisterWho
brown gold
Marine23
Bow ba ba bow bow
OfficialJoeBiden
Who the hell says "ba ba" instead of "chicka"
zolgar
I think he went for the Seinfeld intro
OfficialJoeBiden
I watched that whole theme song in pornhub yesterday
Iwanttobangthatbabe
There's always a come back
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Ya but that's cause you only do doggy style
Esdog
Yea, come back with a sandwich.
Prommerz
He tried, but he forgot the question mark and might have been a little bit too forward with what he said.
GrammarPoliceSergeant
If I wanted your comeback I would have scrapped it off the toilet seat.
MrMagnanimous
limetonic
.
MLGBONGRIPZ
I fucking love this blooper reel
tex81024
Yeah but if I wanted it back I'd wipe it off your mom's chin
TonyTheTiger313
zappbranagain
Kim kardashian had one of those!
NevermindThatShitHereComesMongo
OH, PUNKEH
nero4ty2
I thought she got it in the face
Jammiepak
No honey I was brushing my teeth.........,thoroughly
toby516
I don't think there would be any teeth left
RobertPenman
You don't have to brush your teeth if you have no teeth.
ShouldersDeepInAHorse
Just the way i like it...
caffeinatedpanther
That's the way (ugh huh ugh huh) I like it (ugh huh ugh huh)