AHoleInc
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I called my wife at work to ask if she wanted anything for eat since I was taking my lunch.
I was told that she left work early.
I call her cell and ask about work. “It’s fine.”
Can you bring me a monster in your way home from work? “Yeah.”
I confronted her right there. She went and cheated anyway.
Now she wants a chance to redeem herself and I’m not interested. I can’t believe anything she says now.
If I leave I’ll have to make ends meet with a second job. Worry about child support and overall misery.
I have been unhappy for a long time but any time I bring it up she goes straight to tears. At the end of it all I want what is best for my little girl.
My parents divorced when I was 10 and it made me resent my mom. Kids don’t handle that well, as is.
Am I wrong for letting her think she has a second chance if I’m just trying to set my daughter and I up for a better opportunity?
:edit: Got a couple appointments to meet with some law offices. Little far out considering the pandemic. A big thank you to all for the support.
tyrendeth
You will never trust her again. It isn't worth it.
MsHoneybadger
Stay in your home until you decide and get a lawyer's advice on moving out. A dirty lawyer could try to claim abandonment if you do that.
gophuckurself
Pack your ?, pack your kids ?, get a lawyer, those grounds you may get out of child support..you stay youll screw those kids up even more
TRIgun187
Do whatever is best for your daughter. But at the same time if the relationship is broken it becomes so much harder. Wish I had more to give
anndrox
Don't. Better with 2 happy separated parents than 2 unhappy ones. They will figure it out and blame themselves for you two being unhappy
AdmiralApathy314
Speaking from personal experience never trust someone who cheated on you to not cheat again
verypaulsible
Do you want your daughter to be raised in a home where she sees two people that don't love, or trust each other? Seems just as bad to me.
ambispankterous
My momma always said “when you lose trust, it’s over”
sirava
Whatever you decide to do, get a journal & document everything. Dates & times. Doesn't matter if paper or electronic. Just in case.
Beepis
Literally gotta go with your heart. Can you trust her again? Faking trust, will, not, work..
DevilsArsehole
Maybe you can find a girlfriend.
LandSquidLuchador
It hurts like hell to be cheated on. Sorry OP, lawyer up and I hope you can work something out for your daughter
mobileimgurlags
Had the same thing happen in Oct
woopwoop85
Make sure you get the dates and stuff written down. Because in Divorce court. You need everything you can get as a man to stand a chance m.
axiomatic
TheMansBanCantKeepMeDown
Ive been in a similar situation. Leave. It'll never stop. Pay your child support. Wait for her to slip up somehow and get custody.
TheMansBanCantKeepMeDown
Treat a hoe like 7UP. Never have. Never will
WalnutRickenbacker
I have to laugh at spouses who want to try and make it work after a cheating episode. Yes, take her back so she can cheat on you again!
AHoleInc
Right? I didn’t screw it up. I tried my hardest to give/get attention. She wanted it from someone else.
WalnutRickenbacker
No, you sure as hell didn't screw up. You're not the bad guy in this situation- SHE IS!
Yamioni7
Would you rather your daughter resent your pos cheating wife, or you for letting her think mom isn't the pos she is?
AHoleInc
I want my daughter to learn in her own. I think condemning a parent to a child leaves an opportunity for her to support the wrong side.
GarmBlack
Divorce can be difficult for kits. So can growing up learning relationships lack trust and respect, or are steeped in resentment. Also, no
GarmBlack
matter what the kid feels for a divorce, finding out 20 years later that they were literally the cause of their father staying with someone
GarmBlack
who didn't make him happy, cheated on him, etc, probably is more hurtful than the divorce.
AHoleInc
I didn’t think of it that way. I don’t plan to make this happen for another 14-15 years. I just want a better opportunity to jump at
aiuta219
There's a book called "The Ethical Slut" that could be used as the basis for an understanding for you and your wife.
aiuta219
She wasn't ethical in how she chose to pursue something outside your marriage, but you both can look at it as a guide to reach understanding
aiuta219
The "Slut" in the title is not a pejorative. It's simply a framework for re-contextualiziing your needs in a relationship.
AHoleInc
I don’t see me understanding her reasoning. Wanting someone else’s attention when you’re supposed to be committed. I’m not justifying her.
aiuta219
She chose to open your marriage whether you wanted it or not. You can either find a way to accept and move forward or end what you have.
aiuta219
I think what she did is deeply shitty but there other ways to view your commitment to one another. That's where I'm coming from.
grandfaloon
It's your fault, just ask anyone. Somehow it will be ,trust me. Been there. Was my fault for working two jobs. IFU
AHoleInc
I feel this for sure. No one is perfect b I swear I gave it my all. I’m done trying to be the spark for both sides.
grandfaloon
You can't keep a relationship alive by yourself, if your partner doesn't work at it, it's a fail. Kids or no kids. Don't be a doormat.
AHoleInc
I’m trying this without any emotion for her. Haven’t had any intimacy and it hurt because I loved her. Now I won’t get any because I don’t
AHoleInc
Want to catch anything from her. And obviously my package is past expiration date or something
chaos1138
Counseling, a good Lawyer, and an honest decision on your part about whether you can believe her and forgive her.
chaos1138
Otherwise...do what is best for you and your little girl, because a household with that much negativity is just as bad.
AHoleInc
I suggested counseling. Marriage counseling doesn’t sell well to me because she went past the point of being unhappy. I could be wrong, here
AHoleInc
but I’m not the one that needs to do extra work.
chaos1138
Marriage counseling would only work if you wanted reconciliation. If not, then go with a good lawyer that advocates men's rights.
DancesWithHippos
Could you live together and stay married but have an open marriage/separate bedrooms like roommates? If not/too emotional, gotta split.
AHoleInc
I’m not open to see anyone else. I’ve got weird beliefs about being with one mate after marriage. As for her I told her to drop him if she-
AHoleInc
Wants it to work. Let her think she is winning.
DancesWithHippos
Oh. Well, good luck with your weird beliefs.
AHoleInc
Doesn’t mean I’m going back to her. More time for my daughter or work. Maybe that’ll change. Fuck trying right now