Ninjainslippers
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https://twitter.com/patriottakes/status/1536848987361366022
Matthew 26:52 "Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword."
Jesus was born to die for people's sins. Maybe this moron should read the book she says she likes so much.
graehall
Jebus had a 3 day power nap for your sins more like it.
GullahGullahIslander
The only thing she reads is a horoscope, probably
daniePandaJunkie
Think I read that in the book of moron
cyanidetoothpaste
Luke 22:36: “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.
chetnixandflill
eiyuu99
Republicans discourage reading. Apparently it is working since they cannot read the bible.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
The Son of God doesn't need firearms https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuKV2Z3eYTY
Pfffftit
Shoulda used the lasers
SugarSmack
StarscreamAndHutch
Imalwaysready
Alternate headline would be: "It's clear from dumb shit she's said in public, that Lauren Boebert didn't understand the Bible."
historycat
She hasn't read even 1 book of the bible I'll bet.
Yuktio
Maybe Adam and Eve would have eaten the apple if they had more guns.
tlamstrike
Naw, they could have eaten the apple then fought off the cherubim with the flaming sword so they could have stayed in Eden.
c2zvgsVillain
Batshit crazy mental defective
4vie
The Koch group probably watched Pretty Woman and went "Pah, we can do that, too. And get the slut further than that!" And... here we are.
obijan
This is called "fractally stupid"; the more you zoom in the more stupid it becomes.... and you also feel icky.
DergDog
Uneducated piece of trash needs to be shown the door and have her soapbox removed.
battlebetter5772
Then Jesus said "My nails hurt."
JaromirAzarov
Measuring...
ProppaGanda
Jesus also said: "and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one" though. Bible is an incomprehensible mess.
popejubal
Read the next line for context. He wanted them to carry a sword to give the Romans an excuse to arrest them. And he told them in the 1/
popejubal
garden to not use the sword they carried and he healed the Roman that his apostle injured. 2/2
activeracer28
Nailed it.
Hexrowe
So, all it would have taken to thwart God's masterplan was a bunch of guns? What a wiener of a deity.
tlamstrike
Yes he is. Judges 1:19.
mercyPandaRunner
Wiener goD is now my favourite word.
AZRAELSBLADE
Fuck now I want a really shitty B-flick about Jeebus with an AR15
ImmaCatImmaSexyCat
https://youtu.be/PBtidNAWoqc
NickRivieraMD
I expanded this to tell you that I am certain it has already been made, and lo and behold there are already two videos linked
Imalwaysready
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8tNCXnXrc8
4vie
I call your Machine Gun Jesus and raise you a LaserPope https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5gmCbglp1M
film888master9
You mean Lauren Boebert the escort?
IfYouDontChewBigRedThenFYou
I'll take a source on that please
paperfanman
Let’s not give escorts a bad name bring Lauren Boebert into it
paperfanman
Bringing*
VodkaReindeer
*Jesus is claimed to have born to die for people's sins.
crummulentwo
TIL that she was a "pay for play" escort that had 2 abortions and one of them may have been from Ted Cruz. She was nasty before, but now...
IfYouDontChewBigRedThenFYou
Sources? Wait no I don't like her either so I'll take "dude trust me" as a valid
CosplayComet
So what IS the cutoff between 'promising young woman decides to terminate unwanted pregnancy' and 'dirty whore kills baby'? Just curious.
spiffylookingnerfherder
When that person then advocates and agitates for *other* people who get or provide abortions to be fined, imprisoned, executed, or murdered.
UrKungFuNoGood
Abortion is a woman's right. Fuck your pro-life bullshit.
flacoloco
what? what do you think he/she is saying?
UrKungFuNoGood
he's bagging on her for having abortions. "...abortions... nasty before..." pretty simple English.
DraconianMarshmallowPoink
Don't disparage her for having been a sex worker. Disparage her for being a hypocrite.
maxximii
Why not both.
HellIsRoundTheCorner
She deserves disparaging for everything. Since she's such a disgusting soulless fucking hypocrite.
CosplayComet
Can I disparage her for being a brainless dipshit?
cakeordeathdeathimeancake
yeah I have to agree lots of dems attacking her for sex work where normally the left is the side that supports sex workers & their rights.
cakeordeathdeathimeancake
Attack her for the stupid shit that comes out of her mouth thats fine.
maxximii
But not the stupid shit that went into it?
Tom40
Isn’t this misunderstanding the very basis of Christianity?
Skywatcher16
less misunderstanding, and more intentional refusal to understand or care
TinyRavenFeathers
Misunderstanding would require actual reading.
DidSomebodyCallForAnAdult
It's less misunderstanding, more blasphemy.
DarthFutuza
Yes, if Jesus had not willing atoned and died for mankind then it would frustrate God's work and there would be no meaning to creation.
Tom40
And the only gun Jesus would have used is a nail gun, he was the son of a carpenter after all (kinda).
dennydorko
Yes.
TheRedOnesTasteLikeBurning
scrumpy
Maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn’t have caught him
Type17
…is a statement by a fictional character who is intentionally written to be hilariously stupid - pity Boebert isn’t fictional.
justherefortheconfession
The Simpsons did really predict everything
IAmTheMightyLeon
So now she claims Jesus dying should've been prevented? Exactly how stupid is this woman?
PorneliusHubertII
Unfathomably
SirBobby98121
The answer is decidedly not a rational number......
ShadeEmberi
yes
crodrigues
if you were to use your hands to count her, and her fan base IQ all summed up, you would still have a few fingers left.
TheGreatGrinTheSky
More
invaderjak
She is all the stupid. I'll be she complains that not enough people read the Bible
Lurpe
Look she's probably never read the bible, since that requires being able to read.
ItsHardToBeatboxOnADigeridoo
Jesus only died because he wasn't able to exploit the poor to form corporate conglomerates to lobby His word to Pontius Pilate
wormsinmahspice
Remember kids, in the story of Jesus, the hero is killed by the state.
farfie
The subtext of what she's saying is "but you do, dear crowd". She's rallying them and inciting hostile attitudes towards the US government.
hotmessactual
He didn't really die though, did he? It's more like God made a shell company, then dissolved and re-established it for PR.
Tumescentpie
Yes.
upsidedownyhead
Yes.
creegro
I think Shea getting.even dumber with each passing day.
blessedarethecheesemakers
MeshHatMafia
At least 12 stupid
Popshoppacks
One of Jesus's disciples tried to defend him and cut off a gaurd's ear. Jesus healed the guard and went willingly to die
ragekritz
"how much better would the bible have been if jesus killed his fellow jews and defied his father's will to die for their sins!!!??"
MonocledMonotreme
These are the same people that called Jews Christ-killers, like Mr. Omnipotent couldn't stop it if he wanted to. He even says as much.
MonocledMonotreme
He even put the Roman's ear back on his fucking head and told Peter to put his sword (the AR-15 of the time) away.
loedout
It's a double edged sword. She drives reasonable people away from God, and convinces the rest to sin in his name.
StarmineRendezvous
Less stupid than those who fall for her nonsense, and that's all that she needs to succeed. She IS dumb as fuck, but not the dumbest.
OhIfIMust
“Who’s the more foolish…?”
Frozenspokes
Her ignorance is only eclipsed by her confidence.
Ninjainslippers
I held up my stupidometer to my speakers and it exploded.
TodayIsSlapANaziDay
Levels of stupid which are physically unable to exist.
shyasen
Lauren Boebert both sucks & blows at the same time which I thought was physically impossible as well and yet there she is.
BeAllUCantBe
She's mid 30s before getting her GED stupid
StellarJay77
Didn't she fail twice and only got it on her third attempt out of compassion?
BeAllUCantBe
Not completely up on the slang here, when did compassion start meaning pay-off? /j
GhostofCain
This concept of biblical determinism is interesting, because it makes Judas not a traitor but a crucially necessary character.
IamtheAIyoushouldfear
And Barabus' victims were also necessities.
OhIfIMust
Um, he can be both.
GhostofCain
A traitor that helps you achieve your fate seems like an odd type of traitor. If he betrayed Jesus he'd hide him so he died naturally.
Ironferrox
I personally think the moment when Jesus said one of you will betray me and it was when he and judas both had their hands on the same bread
Ironferrox
Was not him calling Judas out for his soon to be treasury but it was a command, one of you have to betray me sorry buddy you’ve gotta do it
jonhamsandwich11
Not just prevent, but prevented with assault rifles....She's not stupid; she's playing the stupids like a fiddle.
BluePaladin42
I mean, she IS stupid. But she's playing even dumber people.
Jace99
Oh, she is that stupid. She’s not playing off them, she’s right down in the dirt with them.
n0n53n53
oh no, she's dangerously stupid, she's just kind of hot so she's a good puppet for the GOP talking points
ArchonIlladrya
She's the bow the NRA is using to play the GOP like a fiddle.
Lethous
She did fail he GED 3 times before getting it on the 4th just in time for running for congress at 34 years old.
MaximusUltima
She DEFINITELY isn’t smart enough to learn how to play a fiddle, but that just shows how stupid the people dancing and singing along are.
Ninjainslippers
There are many conservative politicians who are smart but playing off the morons. This lady is not one of them.
10000Bees
She's just one of the morons the actual politicians are playing off of. They're going to toss her aside like a used tissue sooner than later
RedWingedBlackbirds
Please everyone vote - local, state, all elections - especially in the midterms. https://www.vote.org/am-i-registered-to-vote/
darthstormer
No Jesus death = no Christianity = she'd probably be Jewish. Bet she'd hate that.
Sothatsano
No. She would be some sort of European polytheist.
robingal1
She'd have access to the space lasers!
TheSpaceCroissant
I mean, it's true the myth wouldn't be as engaging if he didn't die but he allegedly had a lot of followers before he got nailed.
Foxsayy
Maybe Christianity would have more modern appeal if it wasn't a cult of human sacrifice.
ItWasntSupposedToBeThisWay
Except for the space laser part.
CelestialSea
He was Jewish. Most Christians tend to ignore that fact.
ProfessorChaos
Probably not, since Jews don’t usually indoctrinate their kids to hate everyone who’s different than them.
CelestialSea
You're avoiding eye contact with Israel when you say that. Maybe they've done bad things to people different from them? Cut the shit.
CelestialSea
Or is Israel, the only majority Jewish country and the only Jewish state somehow not representative of "usual" Jewish people?
Sauroctonus
The circumstances that led to the creation of modern Isreal are probably a big contribution to that.
CelestialSea
Yeah, so if I punch you in the face that makes it okay for you to punch someone else in the face? That's a terrible excuse.
AnalFistingPornstarLegendWolverine
In all likelihood if the Romans hadn't converted, we'd be worshipping Jupiter right now.
Asgarus
Maybe we would have an Inkan-Aztecan Union dominating the Americas today.
TheFunionKnight
Look here mars! Look here mars! I am Titus Pullo and these bloody men are my gift to you
Sauroctonus
The great thing about pre-Christian Romans is they didn't force their gods on you, they found out which of your gods corresponded with >
Sauroctonus
< theirs and built joint temples to them. Their name for the city of Bath was Aquae Sulis, named after a Celtic goddess, equal of Minerva.
CubwardOHulihan
Mithra is a better parallel.
meltedfaceguy
Thanks Constantine
Bakerysnake
And even thats not certain as other gods may have risen to prominence to the point of outstripping Jupiter as main deity.
Hashtagdelta
Wait, we aren't doing that anymore? Oh well, BBQ it is
liquinas
We'd probably have space bases there too
TheGreatAtomsk
personally i'd choose venus.
Zreen
I feel the Empire would still have collapsed and replaced with various Germanic and Frank peoples
Ultratoxic
Have any of you read the story "Delenda Est"? By Poul Anderson?
AZRAELSBLADE
Christianity didn’t help but yeah
RandomlyAppointedNSAAgent
I'd much rather go with a nature-worshiping polytheism than a lot of the BS we deal with today
AscensionGames
All hail Wodan
UnluckyLunkhead
Such as Angles and Saxons?
HasteTheFool
*Sextants
TheFunionKnight
What do you call a fat Angle? Obtuse
justherefortheconfession
She is technically correct
Erumun
not really, cause if he had guns then so did the government and he's clearly not bullet proof cause nails worked just fine on him.
YouNeedFinancialEducation
Sure but Jesus could have just looked at everyone there and and set them on fire or turned them inside out or turned them into jello...etc
Imalwaysready
USUALLY the best kind of correct, though pretty sure it doesn't apply in this case.
justherefortheconfession
Notice I didn't mention "the best kind of correct" in my original comment
lubylu77
How about a knife? Could he have wielded a good old simple carving knife? ( just curious and not religiously raised )
ProtoSynnic
He braided his own whip to drive the unworthy from the temple. One of his followers cut a guards ear off while trying to defend J
lubylu77
Oh wow! They need to make an action movie with all this in it
ProtoSynnic
And J healed the ear and told his people to stand down and let the crucifixion happen.
covideokilledtheradiostar
She is technically a stupid fucking piece of shit.
BishlamekGurpgork
Didn't Jesus take steps specifically to make sure be would be martyred? Do I misremember years-old reading?
zakisback
Yes
MAN9000
That was the whole point. He was supposed to die for people's sins. Without that God's plan of salvation doesn't work, Christians say.
maythegorknmorkbewithyou
You do not mis-remember. In the account he was given plenty of outs and he kept doubling down until they crucified him.
Beezlebubble
Kinda like when I tell people that tell me to stop sinning "hey if I stop now Jesus died for NOTHING"
merelyadequategooglymoogly
So he can do the loaves and fishes thing, water into wine, etc., but can't conjure up even a basic semi-automatic rifle or two?
skippyopolousovich
Well he did claim he could call on a legion of angels that were at his command
justherefortheconfession
Time for you to write some fan fiction, my friend
athomp78
He was only dead for 3 days anyway
historycat
Jesus's followers tried to defend him with violence. He told them to stop. No number of guns would have helped.
MrZev
I disagree. The more people, the more outliers that would be willing to disregard a request.
boatymcboatfaceplant
In pretty sure 12, sorry 11 apostles with M60s would have influenced the process sufficiently to make for a more colourful story
WarmTreeSpicyRock
I think a single gun would've changed a lot of people's minds about Jesus being legit
justherefortheconfession
Since JC couldn't have had any because they didn't exist, he couldn't ever have had "enough." She's stupid, but technically correct.
Kyrorayne
He had more AR's than she has functional brain cells.
historycat
Ooooh...edgy. doesn't negate my point. Real or fictional told people not to use weapons. Yoda, fictional, also told his followers things.
redheadedrobot
Oh, the way I interpreted that comment was, "JC couldn't have any (guns) because they (guns) didn't exist", not that he didn't exist? ?
RumbleNtheJungle
Since Jesus would have needed 0 ARs he technically had enough.
justherefortheconfession
Can I just say, that while I disagree with you, I love the fact that we're debating the number of AR-15s that would be "enough" based on 1/2
justherefortheconfession
the comments of a racist turnip. This is some surreal veggie tales shit. 2/2
maxximii
He didn't exist, so where does that leave the number of ARs he needed?
justherefortheconfession
Still not enough :)
MisuseOfLiterally
he "maybe" existed, but if he did he was probably just some hippy, and thats a BIG maybe. I personnally dont think he existed though