TheMajesticNarwhal
29590
448
25
Cat Tax ?
psugab
Nice dump. Also, your username reminds me of sulkynarwhal from Worst Premade Ever.
anononanonanona
#17 Sorry to ruin your day (whoever is nodding along to this), but, those are, for the most part, all entirely different things. Especially fae, get those psycho mother fuckers away from me.
keillrandor
#1
Chewbaccacabra
#7 who's to say that's not actually more accurate than current pterodactyl depictions?
MagicalHamFlaps
KaminoNeko
#35 I don't relate at all. Nope. Not. At. All.
Idonotbelievewehavecompany
#15 gotta be careful who you tell certain internet jokes too
LincLoud
#4 It's ok to not be ok at work = we understand that your job is soul-crushing/not rewarding but if you could avoid having a mental breakdown, management would appreciate it.
TheSecondPiewackit
#4 in the military "Please go to behavioral health! We can't promise that it won't lose you your security clearance that you need to maintain your MOS that you need to stay in the military! But we don't want you to hurt yourselves before you become unemployed!"
Snooj
#3 Also lives among the cumsocks.
discotheque42
#1 The new Monster Manual apparently has a Revanent that specializes in animating houses, straight up Monster House style https://images.app.goo.gl/JyJzwxhLuYJrwyPB7
Primotimewaster
#28 is the way I want to live
Zeplin
#3 replace the genders and it's an Andrew Tate quote. Come on.
CPTBRUMBL3Z
#1
homemadechef
#2 Is that @abbiistabbii ?
CJTFMadJack
#2 Nadpod.
Spiffytown
Cat tax.
Kwyjor
#1 "I fire an arrow at the warehouse."
ShinyClickClackRocks
#6 Am I being a massive nerd, or would that be amazing? I'd give them ten minutes, and maybe a cup of tea if it was super interesting.
VipertheFirst
That would be fantastic. I'd invite them in, break out the Asimov and Heinlein, ask who their favorite Sci-Fi author is, the possibilities are endless!
meowingintensifies
until and unless you get rejection after rejection after rejection
KiwiGameDev
Yeah uh, kissing anyone you want is a crime. You gotta be hella pretty to get away with that one
IUpvoteEveryNicholasCageGIF
Is that a thing? Men looking for someone to replace their mums? That's kinda disturbing, I don't remember my mum dressing up as a nun and whipping me, my mum's a hippie, with peace sign in the house and colored clothes things, she knows how to color clothes, her and me dad, yet my type in women are those who would wear a nun's clothing, not a sexy nun, but a regular nun's clothing then whip me for being a bad boy.
rshini
So yeah, the 90s/00s sitcoms with the extremely stressed out and put upon wife and the husband that's an absolutely irresponsible manchild that the wife constantly has to fix whatever problems they caused is only a slight exaggeration of what #3 is describing.
habslove
IUpvoteEveryNicholasCageGIF
Oh yeah, I forgot to include that sometimes I"m the nun, sucks though because I don't know how to spank.
alpacasaurusrex
Baby, find yourself a local kink group.
rshini
Yep. In the sense that they expect their girlfriends and wives to do all the housework, all the cooking, coddle them every time they get an emotional boo-boo (and generally all the emotional labor of the relationship), some even go as far as expecting their wives to do the waking up to get them ready for work.
ShrokNil
I have permanant injuries on every limb and even I do all of that myself. Minus ALL the emotional labor anyway. I at least need someone in my life who cares how I feel occasionally.
IUpvoteEveryNicholasCageGIF
Well, that's not a man at all, that's just a boy in big pants and big clothes, boys who thinks they're men because they bought a belt. That's a sad sight. But maybe I'm being unfair because I do everything myself because I can't sit down and do nothing and I personally enjoy the zen of washing dishes and smelling a clean home ever since I was a child. Maybe I'm just being unfair.
MeekrabJones
#8 Veteran DMs are always prepared for two possible outcomes: players finding a way to circumvent all the work you put in in a matter of seconds and players spending a straight hour on a puzzle you pulled from a children's book that should've lasted 5 minutes at most. That's why we never go into a session with an expectation of a timeline. Make what you want to make in a way that's fun for everyone and it doesn't matter.
bloodbloodbloodblood
If you're interested in making a more linear story, try Lancer. The style that missions (read: adventures) take enjoys a straightforward narrative that highlights why the murder hobos are out murder hoboing.
DanielWhiffin
I tried being a DM. I lived by the saying, "No plan survives first contact with the enemy!"
Zakcl
And prep is never wasted. That encounter they skipped goes in the folder for "shit for when they finish a puzzle too fast"
MeekrabJones
Exactly. The fastest way to burn out as a DM and ruin half the fun of D&D for everyone is to create stuff 100% linearly. You should always have a back pocket full of events, random NPCs, puzzles, etc. to fill in gaps at any given time. It means the players feel like they have more agency in a living world as well. You should never have to say "I didn't plan for this" instead of transitioning into another thing from your toolbox.
HelgenBorderPatrol
I had to stop using puzzles for a while because I was convinced my friends were operating at a 4th grade reading level. I gave them a riddle and it took them 30 minutes to solve it.
MeekrabJones
Yeah, my typical group isn't as keen on puzzles/riddles as I am so I stick to very simple things like "red object goes on red pedestal" type of stuff lol.
HelgenBorderPatrol
People used to make fun of Skyrim crypts because a child could solve those puzzles.
byronwilliams4010
#1 Sounds like the 'Lair Of The Gazebo' story. DM mentions a gazebo in the garden, player has no idea what one actually is, assumes it's a monster. DM gives player no clues that tip the player off to the fact that a gazebo is just a piece of lawn decor. Player tries several check rolls and attacks, none of them affect the gazebo. Player panics, declares character runs away. DM: "It's too late. The gazebo catches you and eats you. The end."
darthinebriated
...In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game," and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson. Eric plays something like a computer. When he games he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise, in all respects, a superior gamer.
Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed's game. He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:
byronwilliams4010
This is it. I saw this story in an old issue of 'Knights Of The Dinner Table' but it wasn't credited.
darthinebriated
Pretty sure that is where I read it the first time too. It's a great story
darthinebriated
ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: (Pause) It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.
ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.
darthinebriated
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?
ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a +3 arrow!
darthinebriated
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
byronwilliams4010
That's the one. I never knew the actual source, until now. Thanks for posting.