mamaneedsawhiskey
76776
2319
55
We’ve been married for 13 years, and for the last 10, she’s refused to acknowledge my existence. They’ve tried therapy together, she blames me for everything to this day. She actually admitted that it makes her mad to see him so happy. I always know when she’s trying to insert herself into our lives again, because my husband becomes so irritable, depressed, and it’s just so not like him. We’re so happy together, our kids are amazing. I know it’s only going to keep her at bay for so long. Any advise from similar situations? How do we stay strong? Thanks for listening, I just feel like we have a win for once! *Edit* while I’m so thankful for all the support, it makes me sad that this is such a common problem. Love to you all! Thank you so much.
someboreddude
Friends of mine have a similar issue. They've had to set very hard boundaries with his family and it's the only thing that keeps them sane.
sixtyfortysoo
My FIL hated me & when my husband died, together 17rs, he has never seen me or the kids in 8yrs. Best decision he made. No toxicity
MamaCorBrat
You are adults and are allowed to cut them out of your lives. Its not illegal to dump your toxic parent.
TeamSpicyTacos
It was an accident, but my mother started in on me one day, and I said I can't do this right now. Hung up the phone. This seemed to be effec
TeamSpicyTacos
tive. So, when she starts causing trouble I just shutdown and walk away and say I don't want this. Works good really. Moms like this want /
TeamSpicyTacos
Attention.
GuestChrist
Jesus said " If thine nasty in-laws are nasty, cast them out."
StunttheRunt
mamaneedsawhiskey
MeanwhileInAmerica
"Therefore, if thy hand offend thee, cut it off; or if thy brother offend thee and confess not and forsake not, he shall be cut off...."
reverendleonard
HoleyNutSack
Cast away. She is cast away… oops.
bhazz
What Bible verse is that?
MrRobSteel
Imgurian 5:7
bhazz
Imaginaire 24:7?
OfallthestupididioticWTF
My late wife punched my old abusive mom like a decade ago people said they would have paid to see it
Ezekiel117
[everybody liked that]
mamaneedsawhiskey
I can truly imagine how satisfying that was for her.
OfallthestupididioticWTF
Yeah she wouldn't let her talk to our kids when she called do we went over there and the argument happened
mamaneedsawhiskey
It’s a real struggle for me to not have violent thoughts.
catsandcoke
Reddit. Justnomil.
PrfctDrk
It's not You/Husband/Your mom, it's supposed to be You/Husband. You're a team
CurbYourClassWar
This. His priorities are all screwed up
mamaneedsawhiskey
He’s told her before, many times, that we are the priority. She wouldn’t accept that. He wanted to try to rebuild their relationship.
mamaneedsawhiskey
But it became impossible with all the hatred she has towards me
s7r1d3r420
Be there for him. Abusive people have a tendency to know the weaknesses of their victims and will exploit them to get their way. Sometimes>
s7r1d3r420
The survivor needs to be reminded of the cycle in order to get past the bullshit.
ahzelton
Yes! Breaking cycles of abuse is excruciatingly hard.
s7r1d3r420
I hope this helps.
nowyouvedoneit
This is my life op. I'm so proud of your husband. The only answer is cut off. I once told my mil "if you can't say anything nice don't call
nowyouvedoneit
Back. She didn't call back for 6 months. Best time of our life. Toxic in laws are so toxic. Because the only thing you can do is
nowyouvedoneit
"take abuse" and "learn to accept being abused"... Literally it's just leaving. We haven't done it either. It's hard. Sending all the hugs.
mamaneedsawhiskey
Thank you, and i send them back to you! I’m so tired of thinking I’m the problem. I’m currently doing online counseling.
Visualstimuli
Sorry for your pain! If you haven't, read up on narcissistic personality dissorder. For me, no contact rule was the only thing that helped.
Visualstimuli
Also, this channel deals with healing from NPD abuse, highly recommended. https://youtube.com/c/TheraminTrees
mamaneedsawhiskey
Thank you!
Visualstimuli
No worries! The One about rumination deals with one of the subjects of an abusive parents that gave me a few reminders.
ChelVanin
I do so love happily ever afters
shawns11385772
Any parent that is mad because their kid is truly happy isn't a good parent.
harrison100012
I love my Mam but if she tried to sour my happy family I'd throw her down a fuckin Well.
mamaneedsawhiskey
thatlazylizard
Welp. My mil kinda did a shit job raising my husband which meant i had to finish what she never did. My mistake was pointing it out
Hufflepufflerine
I ve had a similar experience
OzRockabella
Go no-contact permanently. End of problem. Worked for me.
alaest0r
Blood doesn't make family
jonbenwaa
He needs to block her phone number, remove her from social media accounts. I did that 3-4 years ago and it's been life-changing. Much better
Nnoodles
My own mother was cancerous, and with cancer it has to cut out and removed or else it will fester. Be rid of it and let the healing begin.
we33vvk6nz9
Boy isn’t that the truth. Some people should never have been parents. Babies are born perfect: parents fuck ‘em up. Thank good therapists.
ItsjustDog
Sometimes it's healthy to just cut off a family member. Value people that support you, family or not. I hope it works out for you both.
painttheworldblue36
That's what I did to my father- cut him out. He is 100% toxic.
nonfamousperson
Same, and I’m happier for it
painttheworldblue36
Yep!
mamaneedsawhiskey
Thank you
batmanbumantics
My ex did that to his mother: his life=100% better. His bro kept seeing her until his therapists practically begged him cuz she made him ill
LiberalViking
My mother convinced me I'd beat my wife. We're 15 years in and I've NEVER had an inkling. Almost left my wife out of fear of hurting her.
OMGChris
Your mother is a piece of shit
mamaneedsawhiskey
Jesus, sorry to hear that. I’ve had the thought of leaving as well, to stop causing so much hurt. So hard feeling like I’m the problem
practicallyperfect
We discovered my husband has epilepsy last year after he had a massive seizure and really messed himself up physically. My MIL is 1/2
practicallyperfect
convinced both specialists have diagnosed him wrong and I am a husband beater. She’s told the whole family this. 2/2
freckledkink
Jeez. I had a MIL like her. It never stops. Except my ex fed into it. She was nice to me when I babied him. If I made him do anything for
freckledkink
Himself I was a bitch from hell. He's as bad as her, though. They're both out of my and our kid's life. It's healthier this way.
freckledkink
Not even the rest of their family wants anything to do with either of them at all anymore. No holidays or anything.
PangeaSeparator
My MIL refuses to acknowledge me. We moved across the country and no longer have to deal with that soulless cunt. She despises happiness. :(
mamaneedsawhiskey
Sorry for your suffering. It truly sucks. So much self doubt on my part.
PangeaSeparator
Yeah, the self doubt was the worst for me. The messed up part is she is a trump loving boomer, and made ME feel like I was the problem. Meh.
mamaneedsawhiskey
I thought it was fine for a while, I didn’t have to deal with any of her bullshit. Then it got worse, like coming to my house when
mamaneedsawhiskey
She knew i was away, buying gifts for the kids and demanding to see videos of them opening them. Crazy cunt for sure
MeowWoof
+1 on putting a mountain range between you and her. Worked wonders for mine.
MasterWo1f
Can’t wait until I don’t have to deal with my cunt-in-law. Even just having her presence near me pisses me the fuck off
mamaneedsawhiskey
Word.
BashHitCrazy
My least favourite is hearing the banshee voice... Like we need to know she's entered the room without her screeching about something!
Gholson4
I read a book (can't remember the title) with a character that believed in "The Conservation of Melancholy": that there's a fixed amount >
Gholson4
of happiness in the universe, so the more miserable he could make others the happier he could be. I laughed at the time but I've met a few >
Gholson4
people since that seem to work on that principle. All I know is, they're best avoided.
RedWingedBlackbirds
Yep. Knew someone that NEVER had a good word to say. Would've bitched about the taxes if they won the lottery. Got easier once I realized it
ProbablyHolly
Restraining order is a good start
tootsie87
FYI depending on your state it can be trickier against a parent (not impossible). Worded assuming it's an ex.
tootsie87
I looked into one against my mom and am worried it'd be denied and she'd find out it was denied and be enboldened.
ahzelton
She will find out. You'll have to have her served so she has a chance to respond. You'll need TONS of evidence showing she's endangering you
tootsie87
Pretty much what the cop said. Also that the court might not take it as serious. A harassment charge also needs a shitload of evidence
tootsie87
With very direct threats of endangerment
fbutt09
Start of with social media platforms. Then take it from there
mamaneedsawhiskey
Did that a long time ago, it was too hurtful for me to see the over exaggeration of her super happy relationship with his brother.
Treybetrey
JosephTheCuck101
My therapist once asked me, "if a friend did something like this would you keep them in your life? Why should a parent be any different?"
we33vvk6nz9
Very wise therapist. That’s how I shut down my parents. I nick-named them the Bickersons. Angry & sad two people if ever there was.
mamaneedsawhiskey
That does make a lot of sense
JosephTheCuck101
I've recently had to get away from my mam, it takes time, and effort. But she is now blocked from everything, doesn't know my address /1
JosephTheCuck101
Your MIL sounds like a piece of work ?
Gregosian
Cut mine off years ago. Best thing I ever did for my mental health.
we33vvk6nz9
I did the same thing with both parents. Did not see them the last 18 years of their lives. No regrets.
PigsWeGetWhatPigsDeserve
I’m the son of a woman who does this. The one thing that helps is to create distance and treat her like an acquaintance instead of family.
tiniestpurplepotato
My grandmother was like this and my dad did that too, it worked pretty well. He also refused to give her any emotion when she was on a tear
PigsWeGetWhatPigsDeserve
This. She feeds of our emotions, so we’re conditioning her to invoke positive emotions or she’s cut off for a while.
tiniestpurplepotato
If she went nuts he'd collect us kids and leave, if he was on the phone he'd tell her the conversation was over with a flat voice, no anger
PigsWeGetWhatPigsDeserve
Your dad is/was a wise man.
brianterrel
Sounds like a narcissist who resents someone leaving her sphere of control. Hubby should visit https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/
Dungeongeek
Thanks For this, but I couldn’t read more than 15 minutes of the stories!
brianterrel
Yeah it's rough. I first went there to try to get some insight on a friend's struggles, then went "ohh shit... that's my childhood too..."
mamaneedsawhiskey
Thank you
iwanttomountndewya
Saw a tik tok that explained if a parent is closer with their child than with their spouse it basically makes marriage feel like 1/2
iwanttomountndewya
the kid is their "spouse" and is being taken away by someone else. So really round about and really creepy mental incest. 2/2
Jusse42CrispLover
Here it is: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdFqQeXC/
iwanttomountndewya
Yup! That's the exact one!
mamaneedsawhiskey
Yeah, she left his dad, but he has a younger brother. He slept in the same bed with her, as opposed the couch, when he was well over 30?
mamaneedsawhiskey
The brother, not my husband
NonExistingWisper
MasterWo1f
That’s some crazy abuse, I hope your husband can find some help with therapy.
Jusse42CrispLover
I saw that same TikTok! It explains so much, but doesn’t excuse anything. I can’t imagine being that mentally ill. Narcissists are trash. ?
iwanttomountndewya
Oh of course! Explanations for behavior are never ok to excuse said behavior. Having the explanation helps fond a sense of closure I think.
Jusse42CrispLover
Right? It can at least help for depersonalizing what has been done or said.
Jusse42CrispLover
Right? It can at least help for depersonalizing what has been done or said.
pofalof
Find someone who specializes in narcissistic behavior. She needs to want to change her behavior. Denying her attention may help.
PigsWeGetWhatPigsDeserve
Narcissism cannot be treated.
mithiwithi
I would say rather that it can only be treated if the patient wishes it, and its very symptoms tend to prevent them from desiring it.
mithiwithi
Usually this does indeed to work out to "cannot be treated", but on rare occasions a narcissist might experience a glimmer of enlightenment.
mamaneedsawhiskey
I wonder if after so long that it would even be a good thing. I just can’t imagine any sort of apology making up for all the damage.
noisette
she may change, but you don't have to forgive anything. let her improve if she can, you are allowed to keep her out of your lives.
PigsWeGetWhatPigsDeserve
If you put it that way, I agree with you.
awkwardbeautiful
For me- the point of no return was when she admitted that it makes her mad to see him happy. There is no fixing that. He needs to walk away.
JoeT85
Just cut her loose. You can't save everyone. Save yourself
shyasen
So much this. She is toxic and poisonous and is only happy when others suffer. Cut out the cancer.
fbutt09
This is a sad situation. But you have to do the best for your family.
conflictmuffins
Cut her out! Left my ex years ago b/c he let his mom treat me like shit. SO GLAD I left him, b/c my current fiancées parents are THE BEST!
mamaneedsawhiskey
That's wonderful, so glad you found happiness!
mamaneedsawhiskey
Yeah, he was coaching soccer for our daughter, he invited her to come watch a game. Hated that he could be so joyful without her I guess
makeSX
Just ignore her, my mother is an evil bitch that just wants everyone to do things the way she wants and if someone isnt doing it her way ->
makeSX
She uses all her migth to force them into submission. The "best" part is that shes a banker whos financial leverage is notable. Worst ->
makeSX
Part my wife works in the same bank corporation and my mother privatly told me she would get my wife fired if I wouldnt comply. ->
makeSX
This was happening when my parents were getting divorced because of her affairS and I was the only member of the family not living in ->
pyroshen
This is 100% on her to solve. Nothing you do can help and it's not even your problem to fix. She either sorts it out, or leaves your life
shmekie
Sounds like narcissism tbh
Thelrishlnquistion
100%
ThereAreManyOthersLikeItButThisOneIsMine
I don't feel good saying this because I pride myself as being a pretty forward thinking person on mental illnesses overall- but I will...
painttheworldblue36
Yep it's why I have no relationship with my sperm donor of a father. He is toxic and I am DONE putting up with that shit.
ThereAreManyOthersLikeItButThisOneIsMine
...not suffer a narcissist in my life again, ever. I've had the extreme misfortune to get close to a couple raging ones. They are...
ThereAreManyOthersLikeItButThisOneIsMine
...unapologetically destructive and cruel to everyone that cares about them.