ooppiumi
44796
738
30
It's almost here, May the 16th.
It'll be my 30th birthday. Last week I was excited, wanted to have a party and felt good about myself.
I even got myself a present about a week ago, I felt like I deserved it. Well, for a while.
But now I'm in this stupid puddle of sadness, asking myself why would I be worth celebrating.
Thankfully I'm meeting my psychiatric nurse tomorrow, maybe that'll help with my mood.
I've been trying to stop hating myself so much for so long and only made some progress in a last year or so.
But it's damn hard to learn to think that I'm worthy.
I was happy to feel confident and say "Hell yes, I'd like to celebrate my birthday"
Maybe that's why depression hits so hard, when I realise that feeling was only temporary.
This progress and healing is never ending, I know.
I'd like to feel good about myself, I mean who wouldn't? I feel like I got a little taste of it and now I'm just a bitter asshole for wanting it to last longer.
This dump feels so stupid and pathetic already, ugh.
So yeah, sorry about ranting about meaningless loathing in selfhatred.
This one is loud.
Maybe I should go enjoy some screams.
Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.
Even if I'd feel like shit, I'm gonna look cute as hell.
Ok bye.
Edit: Holy shit, didn't expect to get so much love. I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words when I have the time. It sure was great to wake up today, happy tears :')
euphoricopportunity
#8 my 42 is coming soon, so maybe I will be able to answer Life, The Universe, and Everything.
OhIfIMust
#15
wherearemytesticles
#26 I hate everyone unless otherwise proven.
BORGALOOGIE
jankeydadondc
#6 I feel attacked
MBdub210
Happy birthday, @OP! You deserve to be here and to have nice things, happiness, etc. You don’t need to earn it. You’re just here, so you deserve it.
ooppiumi
Thank you :')
MadamPuddifoot
#27 nobody does
TinManUNITED
Hey! I hit my 30th on the 3rd of May--from the content of the dump, I guess that means we're on the same boat but different rows, lol. My dopamine vice has been Kickstarter.
memeseeks
Everybody deserves to be happy. This feeling will pass though. Good luck and if you need to talk there's a whole bunch of us on here. As well your nurse.
ooppiumi
Thank you :)
thedadinblack4
Happy birthday!
ooppiumi
Thank you! :)
doromath
Happy Birthday! Good job doing the hard work to feel better. The good days get more frequent the longer you work at it - keep it up! You are worth the effort and worth celebrating just as you are.
ooppiumi
Thank you :)
Wirefish
@OP, first, very happy birthday! Second, you now have 12 years experience as an adult, so it’s way better than being a teen. Third, don’t expect big changes in mental health—which is bad, because that sunny perfect day is prolly an illusion, but also good, because you know what you’re working with. Fourth, studies say you get happier after 50; I think this is because we have enough experience to come to grips with our limitations and stop fighting them. Fifth—many happy returns!
ooppiumi
Wise words, thank you! :)
ShiftyBat
I'm pushing 40 and it doesn't matter. Just take reasonable care of your body and you'll barely notice. The illusion that time goes by faster as we get older usually stems from a lack of purpose or fulfillment, so as long as you have hobbies, a job you don't hate, or a trip or show you're really looking forward to you'll be fine. I took up gardening and am planning to re-record and finish some old music. Finally getting to return to Anime Boston really rescued me from a long, stagnant funk.
ooppiumi
Well said, thank you :)
tombeithemist
#1 "mm. dump. this must be a dump".
PaperinoVB
Thank you and happy birthday :-). I stole something for my daughter. She too will be 30 in some month :-D
ooppiumi
Nice, thank you :D
murchant
Perfect typo
PaperinoVB
English is not my first language. Can you explain? I can't see the typo 8-(
distractedFreek
My birthday is also tomorrow, Happy Birthday.
ooppiumi
Oh cool, have a nice birthday! And thank you :)
BobbyVegana
#1 she has nice underwear
PixelSprite64
raitchison
Decent dump, have an upvote and some birthday wishes.
ooppiumi
Thank you :)
twuck
#28 the incoherence is the reason I listen to metal. I don't wanna hear about how sad or dark or evil you are. I want the animal inside you to shriek at the animal inside me, no words needed
ooppiumi
Fuck yes!
grayone64
badgesweedontneednostinkingbadges
Wait! Isn't that the guy from "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"?
ooppiumi
Thank you! :) Where's that from?
anSSLerrorhasoccuredandasecureconnectiontotheservercannotbemade
I believe that would be Tangled
ooppiumi
Thanks! :)
Darprice
Happy Birthday! Yes, depression is always a work in progress. However, YOU ARE WORTHY. You are worth celebrating EVERY day. It is a challenge to remember, but you bring a lot of good and happiness to those around you
ooppiumi
Thank you for your kind words :)
Darprice
Just some notes from an old depressive. Reach out if you need something!
davebeastly
#12 guess the new pain game.
ooppiumi
Or the old pain that hasn't been around in a while, but scares you with the intensity. The question is, is it something serious, or did you just sleep wrong?
davebeastly
AyatollahBahloni
Happy birthday, @OP. (Art by NaryaBlackfyre on DeviantArt.) The most common caption I have seen applied to this artwork is "You wake up every morning to fight the same demons that left you so tired the night before, and that, my love, is bravery." John Nash, the Nobel Laureate, was never free of his imaginary companions, but he learned to live with them. In many cases, this is all we can do. /1
AyatollahBahloni
I am over twice your age and I have learned that Thomas Hardy was very close to the truth when he wrote, "Happiness [is] but the occasional episode in a general drama of pain." Enjoy those brilliant moments when they come; if you stay strong, life does get better as time goes on. 2/2
ooppiumi
Very wise words indeed, thank you :)
zufallszahlen
#1 Is this a one-off or is there like a whole series of Disney characters on the shitter?
whateverthevoicestellme
Right? New fetish unlocked
OhIfIMust
Asking for a friend?
BenderRodriguezz
Asking what sources to avoid...
WoodyGoodman
#1
JasonThorn
Ah, toilet humor. Always ruins things.
ManOfEvil93
anyone else read the toilets voice in french accent
AyatollahBahloni
Mais naturellement...
FrogBotherer
WoodyGoodman
thedadinblack4
I’m so glad this is a series.
NeoDarkElf
Just here for the melancholy love song of the toilet scrubber and plundger.
To be faaiiir. They had a chamber pot. Question: what implements of cleaning were used on a tosspot of ye olden days? There's a lot of untold story about anthropomorphic tools of the bygone era.
gueerk
Hey you. I was born in '85, please think of me as your way older sibling. I should've been on anti-depressants since my teens, but only started last month. I have been depressed (like full blown clinical depression, etc) since I was about 11. You sounds exactly like me before I started therapy + pills. If you have the option, go get help. You don't have to feel like the world is this shitty all the time. I mean, the world is shitty, but you don't have to feel it every single fucking minute <3
ooppiumi
Well all of my siblings are about the same age as you! I've been going to therapy since I was 16 and have been on and off different meds ever since. Last year I got diagnosed with adhd and got medication for that and it has been greatest help so far, now I feel like I have a chance to make progress with my mental health and my life. Thank you for your message :)
gueerk
I am so glad to hear that you are actively getting help. Thank you for sharing. You'll get there, and I am proud of you. *big hug if you are comfortable with that*
ooppiumi
Thank you for your kind words and support, I sure do like hugs! *Big hug* I'm lucky to have the help and support that I need, I wish everyone could have that. Too many people suffer alone and many of them don't even have a choice, it makes me sad.
RElGNMAN
#1 Golden Throne
OhIfIMust
10,000 years, you'd think Emps'd be done by now.
swedeonamoose
I mean he have a whole lot of disappointment to crap out first.
ThisNameIsMaybeTaken
We already have the Primarchs.
commanderpopnfresh79
You're going to not only look cute but feel it too. Own it. It's your day. Don't forget that. I have to hype myself up for my birthday every year because I feel and think those same thoughts. So I'll be your hype man. Happy Birthday!
ooppiumi
Good job being a hype man! Thank you :) I do feel cute and hyped!
commanderpopnfresh79
Let me know how it goes! You deserve an amazing time!
ooppiumi
Well, I really had nothing planned for today, but I made myself pretty and laughed my ass off with my nurse, so that was nice! I should've planned something special for myself and I'm a little dissappointed that I didn't, but my fiance and I might hang out with friends during the weekend and that's always fun :) I'm gonna be 30 for a whole year anyway, so I feel it's ok to celebrate whenever! I'm not a party animal anyway lol. Thanks for being so kind :)
commanderpopnfresh79
I'm happy that you had a good day. Even uneventful but relaxing can be good for your mental health. And it's no problem. The world needs more unconditional kindness