DarmokOnTheOcean
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I'll call you Steve
20/01/15 ding password reset
snek
UpvotesForCalicos
That snake one is adorable. "I am my own blankie."
TwitchOtyolf
I can't stop laughing about the "Glub glub he whispers" pic
LetMeGuessWhiteDevilWhiteDevil
But seriously tho, that snake is really cute
SirDistic
All snakes are cute
SgtFlexxx
How many FP tumblr posts are there today? Goddamn.
Deanismyhubby
This post is just perfect.
GreatTeacherMichael
As an English teacher, I wish someone would send me E-mails with creative titles.
eirikt
That email was sent from an UNIX server that didnt have its clock set. A UNIX timestamp is an amount of seconds since 00:00 01-01-1970
PastriesAreMagic
Upvoting simply for the snake.
judeclementine
the BECAUSEFUCKYOUTHATSWHY guy seems a little fishy if you ask me
kevlarkate
As a snake mommy: I made some pretty undignified noises at that last one.
myexwouldcreeponmyoldaccountsoigotanewone
It has been 21 years now :(
TheCarolingian
Post up voted for Daniel Sharman
kwmPlus1
Hey, do you like fishsticks? Do like to put fishsticks in your mouth?
kwmPlus1
Then you must be a gay fish!
goflyblind
ᵍᶫᵘᵇ ᵍᶫᵘᵇ
ScimitarsRUs
RIP kid who sat next to korrakun
CharmingAndSexyGentlemanStarshipCaptain
I think he will live. But there's actual case of people mixing two kind of energy drinks together and end up dead. Since energy drinks tend-
CharmingAndSexyGentlemanStarshipCaptain
- to rely on large dose of caffein. Ginsengs and stuff like that? Bullshit, you just chugging crazy amount of caffeine.
BananaLeemonPie
But seriously those emails from 1969 are a legitimate error that happens on tons of iphone
NotACreativeName1
"I threw a grape in the air". . . I read that to the tune Party in the USA
debatem1
The message from new year's eve 1969 is a computer error. Unix timestamps roll forward from 1970 and a small negative number indicates error
minotaur5150
It is a combination of the 2. Unix Epoch would have time of zero to 1/1/1970 and timezone explains why it would show 12/31/69 - source: Nerd
debatem1
Unclear. Could also be an error in a function intended to return a sign extended timestamp. Had one of these at work a while back.
debatem1
Could actually also be a timezone fail.
hencethequeef
Teaching the r/l distinction to Koreans is really difficult! When I've tutored them, I make them bare their top teeth for 'r's and put >>
TheSupplanter
I read tortured.
hencethequeef
>>their tongues between their teeth for 'l's and they just end up making stupid faces for weeks until they have it down.
Maniacaljackalope
As an English teacher in Korea agreed. A coworker just told me a vocab word in her class was "sheet." They keep saying "shit."
wheresmymoneydenny
Glub Glub
mrfluffykittens
He whsipers
Oranisagu
that's actually an easter-egg ending to the game Coming out on Top
KaelySmith
Read the "call me maybe" one to the "I don't care, I love it" lyrics, still can't get it to work to "call me maybe".
DukeOfSwitzerland
http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/i-crash-camel-into-bridge-i-dont-care-i-lov-it-240x180.jpg
Maniacaljackalope
I read that as "I don't care, I love physics." I think I need to go to bed despite having two more hours of work left.
AskMeIfImBatman
Same, except the song I hear it in is the "I throw my hands into the air sometime" song
IrishDancingCalico1
"I can't stop screaming . . . I love It" "I can't stop screaming, I love it, I love it."
littlemissditz
I hadn't seen the gym one before, +1
Zaranthan
A better intro than most pornos.
Beccanoelmoser
I'm sitting here trying to continue my laughter so hard there's a tear in my left eye but were talking about car accidents I can't laugh
jwp90
As someone who's a bit socially challenged, I worried about what I'd do after when I read it. Do I talk to them..? Go right back to running?
crowbarscout
BECAUSEFUCKYOUTHATSWHY is brilliant. I should so something similar.
gothaminvader93
i so hope that one is true.
notsomefakedesc
Deep in your heart you know it's not, but you wish it were. The Internet in a nutshell.
gengumby
KubeRoot
*The password or username was invalid*
echotilt
my password is invalid
beautyinthorns
I tried to access my habbo account once, and I couldn't remember for the life of me what 11 year old me wanted to be when she grew up (1)
ForThoseWhoHaveHeart
What is habbo
beautyinthorns
google it. lol
hermansegerman
its an online plattform for young people, looks like a mix of minecraft and sims google for habbohotel
jonnymoon5
Pool's closed
beautyinthorns
and I tried everything. "doctor," "lawyer," "teacher." Nothing. Then, as a joke, I put in "stripper." I got access to my account... -_-
Moonmoonn
Lmao
SuzetteTheSmoreSchnappsGirl
i used to play habbo! is it still around?
beautyinthorns
yeah, it is. lol
astropapi1
I used to walk around offering "fresh sausage" to people. Good ol' days.
HereThereWhere
TIL that Canada is full of sweaty purple people that like to stand in rows.
Bezaid
Good thing Giant Purple People Eaters went extinct around the turn of the century.
IRideUnicornsNakedInPublic
It's all the layers we wear to deal with the weather outside. Once we're inside...the sweat begins.
copingcabana
Are you just gonna gloss over the bitches on whore weekend?
Darmek
Tim Hortons? Duh.
IamGrrreen
Timmies is amazing.
TranscendentalExperiences
Sorry
hopethisisarelevantname
Canadian here. Can confirm.
redloki55
they probably call them 'queues' there, seeing as they adapted a lot of UK English...
MidnyteStar
Nah. Around here we call 'em lines.
redloki55
sad day (also a perfect time to fib)
Himser
We queue almost as good as the British.
[deleted]
[deleted]
PopcornTiger
goodly
Himser
I'm still Canadian not British. so good works.
gengumby
except that looks kind of like george bush
foreverneverreallyuncaring
ThatRussian
Ugh I've done that. Had a whole convo with Steve. The bump into actual Steve later and realize I spoke w/ his doppelgänger.
GreaterDog
http://imgur.com/k6AJmI1
farwall
This is why I never use anyone's name when I'm talking to them. Even if I have the right one, what if I pronounce it weird!?
ICannotDecideOnAUsername
Garry Jerry Larry Terry Berry Gergich Gengurch
foreverneverreallyuncaring
Gringott's?
riffifi
His name is not Steve
ashes12
This froze when the girl singin the song I'm listenin to started screamin And it was the first time I've never been mad about a gif freezing
ICannotDecideOnAUsername
Nighttime... Daytime! Nighttime... Daytime!
natflax
MY NAME'S NOT RICK!!
Mapuchii
His name is Robert Paulson
registeredtoproveimawesome
No. Go away. That was supposed to be my joke. I don't even care, I'm still gonna say it.. HIS NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON!
FloodingWaters
His name is Robert Paulson
ILikeToHideInLongCommentChains
His name is Robert Paulson
BitchButcher
One of us! One of us! One of us!
greatone1608
Are we just gonna pretend his names not Michael?
OnlyWelmed
no it's becky
WeAreAllStoriesInTheEnd
Happened to my husband (same names and everything). Sweet old lady called him Steve for 2 years. The day she moved away, he told her (1)
WeAreAllStoriesInTheEnd
that his name was actually Mike. She was so embarrassed, I almost wish he hadn't said anything. Funny in retrospect though
ChelBel
My dad's name is Steve, but a cashier at the grocery store calls him Mike... It's been like 20 years. He can't correct her.
AnActualDuck
There was a kid in high school who sat with me and my friends at lunch, but we didn't know his name (he was dating one of the girls). 1/2
AnActualDuck
One day I thought I heard his name in the hall, so I finally asked, "Is your name Dave?" Him: "No." Me: "It is now." And then he was Dave.
CharmingAndSexyGentlemanStarshipCaptain
*Michael. Also I expect him to write a tumblr about a guy who keep calling him Steve and planned to troll him the day he left school.
Zodi
His real name is Dan. Fuck you, Dan.
timemac
Its funny how you assume its a guy. I assume every person on tumblr is a girl until proven otherwise
CharmingAndSexyGentlemanStarshipCaptain
Or Hermaprodite Elephant with Czechoslovakia snout and Belgium tail and butterfly wings.
NotUrAvg
I... i think that im "steve".
lens4life
Prove it.
NotUrAvg
Idk how but i do remember someone calling me steve for no goddamn reason in middle school. And i also moved around then.
CunningStuntBonus
...find him/her
tinyanarchist
Are you also Michael though?
NotUrAvg
si
HarryDresdenIsMySpiritAnimal
Same thing happened to me in 6th grade. I kept calling this dude Chip. About halfway through 7th he starts calling me Dale. Then 1/
HarryDresdenIsMySpiritAnimal
2/ we get to high school and he finally tells me his name is George. He said, I figured you'd get the hint when I started calling you 2/
HarryDresdenIsMySpiritAnimal
3/ Dale. I said, I thought it was just a bro thing. He looks me dead in the eyes and says, No. That was devastating for 9th grade me.
tinyanarchist
How do you fuck up George?!
HarryDresdenIsMySpiritAnimal
I honestly don't know. My brain just said, "That guy, he looks like a Chip." So, I went with it.
GreaterDog
Ow my heart
dropandgivemesexy
That was also the most calmly written tumblr post I've seen, punctuation and all included well. Idk if anyone else thought about that
PunDMC
You're not fooling anyone, fish fucker. That was intentional.
Ihavenomouth
Nothing but a gay fish https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uf1g6N4sKY
EnderChekholv
It's also gay because it implies the fish was male. The more you know
orehi
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) glub
ManofScience
He's totally into bass to mouth.
unfeaxgettable
Why does that one remind me of Dr. Krieger?
azureraptor
Because of Dr. Krieger's insatiable appetite for, er, science.
gourami
sup
Jiryn
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troy_McClure
got61000beforegettingbanned
I thought my friend Christian called. So I answered "Whats up ma Nigga, what chu doin". but it was my boss, her name is Christina. Awkward..
kubzphan9
So your trying to say they like fishdicks? In and around their mouth?
Tyleruption
Oh my cod! Holy mackerel!
iCannotEven
azureraptor
Damn, Innsmouth represent yo.
LeadMeHome
I had to look that up, it's a legit game: http://obscurasoft.com/
theothereowyn
I was gonna ask. You know, for sci.... ah fuck it I'm just curious and masochistic.
ikma
Something something, Kanye West
Caspergirl
Something something, gay fish
opcrystal
Glub glub
Atharaphelun
It's a random joke scene from "Coming Out on Top", an explicit western yaoi visual novel (but without the seme/uke stereotypes & thin men).
Reidsb
OOOOH. So THAT's the easter egg character. I kept hearing references to it but didn't know what it was or how to trigger it.
ZacMuerte
I definitely won't be looking that up and playing it later
Atharaphelun
No, definitely not. I also won't ever tell you that it is available for free if you look in the right place. Nope, definitely won't tell.
ZacMuerte
"in the right place"... you mean their official website because the game isn't done, so the demo is all we have?
Atharaphelun
What? The game has been finished for months now...
ylimexyz
You know? For science....I would like to know the source.
faulerwulf
I would also like to know... for reasons :P
ExodusDei
And you definitely won´t send info on where to find it, right?
Atharaphelun
I definitely won't send you to a certain chan that you'll find by searching on the internet, no.
thorngwenny
It made me so happy to find someone else that plays this! So... Who was your favorite?
Atharaphelun
Has to be Ian and that jock whose name I forgot.
CocoaKazoo
The jock's name is Brad. Birthday suit Brad, m'yep.
Atharaphelun
Yessss him. Looks even better with the facial hair too.
thorngwenny
Brad? Maybe? I adored Ian, his scene at the end was just.... mmmmm.
Atharaphelun
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
tarnivore
Fishophilia is nothing to joke about. Let minnow when you all grow up.
bobthewhaler
he's all about that bass.
PunDMC
Nice! Gill-ty as charged. Not to carp, but...
Why don't you take this oppor-tuna-ty to mullet over?
SuckItBlue
You brilliant motherfucker. +1
yesThatIsOnPorpoise
Well plaice'd
ginja85
Oh Cod...
TyrionLannisterTheImp
We need salmon to step in and stop this madness.
PeanutButterIsAVegetable
I always upvote halibutt
ItsSneakyAdolf
salmon
SuckItBlue
You tried.
GoodGuyRK
I lost it at "I'm going to die"
thisusernamehasalreadybeentaken
I used to open the bar I worked at with a huge cup of black coffee and dumped a double espresso into it.
tarnivore
I too am my own blankie.
BitchButcher
Spoiler: When you're really going to die you will lose everything again.
kenesisiscool
After everything I have seen, it seems reasonable.
UnemployedInGreenland
I once had to take prednisone for an allergic reaction and all I had to drink was Monster Java. I could hear colors. It was wild.
LongNameNoCanSay
At around :30 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1_lSS_VUlU the whole video's kind of hilarious to me though.
GoodGuyRK
Oh my goodness...
tragicscholar
7am classes are a thing at which universities? Earliest I've heard is 8 or 8:30.
HalibelLecter
I lost something there too but it had more to do with imagining cold Monster and hot coffee in the same cup.
iHaveDoneNothingButTeleportBreadFor3Days
gengumby
if only i could give you more upvotes
iDrinkDrano
After the crash: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/rp8vmXrLf1U/hqdefault.jpg
fksly
Protip: I once ODed on caffeine (a couple of coffees, then 400mg tablet), it is one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world. Don't.
agamemnonymous
One time I ate an entire box of NoDoz and drank two Spike Shooters. After 30 min of dry heaving, tripped balls, thought I was made of jello.
marbledrew
Same. Genuinely thought I was going to die.
BrazilianThunderPanda
Back in the mid 90's I was in high school cramming for my SATs and I made espresso with caffeine infused water. I thought I was going to die
iDrinkDrano
Ah yes. I remember taking the English final on 96 oz of Monster and writing 4 pages front and back in 40 minutes. Hand cramps!
catsonmeth
Why would you do that.
fksly
Because I am a blithering idiot.
areweasbandits
I once drank a Mountain Dew and then took two Excedrin. Not sure how much caffeine all that was, but I thought I was dying. Never again.
hugh705
Not that much caffeine as a pot a day drinker, but once I shotgunned 3 redbulls in about 20 seconds. Would not recommend.
usernumber84
I read "Not that much caffeine as a pot drinker, but..." and was very surprised to learn that 1. people drink pot, and 2. it's caffeinated.
yourenowbreathingmanually
Jesus how much do you weigh? I'm 165 and I had seven 5hr energies while drinking one night and I was fine
fksly
That's about 7 cups of coffee, so about equal to that one pill i took. Also, you took it over a certain period, while mine came in one swoop
yourenowbreathingmanually
...not to like show you up or call bullshit or anything. Chemical tolerance differs in vastly different people.
yourenowbreathingmanually
No, that's equal to 1.4 GRAMS of caffeine + drinking over 1 hour. Avg coffee is ~100 mg/8oz. Assuming you had 12oz cups, thats 700 mgs.
fksly
http://5hourenergy.com/facts/faqs/ Original 5-hour ENERGY® shots contain about as much caffeine as a cup of the leading premium coffee.
[deleted]
[deleted]
marbledrew
No it isn't. I literally OD'd on caffeine from three cups of coffee in 6 hours. My heart was fucked for two years afterwards.
yourenowbreathingmanually
What happened?
marbledrew
My heart was beating at around 200BPM, I couldn't breathe properly, really bad heart palpitations for about 3 days. 1/2
OverlyCynicalImgurian
Did you miss the part where he said 400mg tablet?
IamNotAshamed
Somehow I meant lethal dose with "OD", I didn't really think it through. Yes you can have effects with less. Dying is pretty hard though.
yourenowbreathingmanually
Yeah you need like 120 8oz cups
BELGIANfries
How was your heart holding up? I'm on my 3rd energy drink in 2h. My eyelids feel stapled back, headache and my heart is going too fast
trustthepenguins
http://www.caffeineinformer.com/death-by-caffeine
Imadethisaccounttosay133
This doesn't seem right... I have a few friends who have been admitted to the hospital for consuming far less than these amounts...
TheLegendarySuperStrayan
Duuuude 550mg MAX daily.
StephanieWasTheTrueVillainOfLazyTown
I once went to 800mg. Or maybe it was more. Finals were a bitch.
usernumber84
Heard a couple of college kids at an early hour talking about wishing they could just add caffeine to water instead of drinking coffee (1/2)
StephanieWasTheTrueVillainOfLazyTown
You can absolutely do that. Just buy pure caffeine in liquid or powder form. Be warned: caffeine tastes very bitter.
usernumber84
(2/2) or energy drinks. I started to tell them it's sold as a powder on Amazon. Then I realized they might die if I did that...
C8H10N4O2addict
WHATDOYOUMEANCAFFEINECANNEVERHARMYOUONCEYOU'VEBUILTATOLERANCEFORITHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHSNEL.DMAGJ,MV,;'CSD/FLD>ZXZMKLJKHJBGHVFGCBNm;l.k,.,/.≤≥l,.
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
*death*
iDrinkDrano
As someone who drinks a liter or two of coffee a day I can confirm that this is exactly how it feels to overload.
ShepskyHuskherd
That was a very tumblr-y reaction
C8H10N4O2addict
....thanks?
ShepskyHuskherd
Youre welcome?
dickpuns
Nicotine poisoning has it beat lemme tell ya
SocietyOfSensation
I read somewhere you can get high off high doses of nicotine. Doesnt seem like a smart idea though
dickpuns
you can get "high" off low doses. It's short lived and most cigarette smokers have too high a tolerance to feel it.
fksly
I know, did that too. Caffeine is sort off a fight or flight overload. Nicotine was.. well vomit everywhere and "oh god I will die" weakness
dickpuns
I didn't quite get that far with nicotine... Well, I was sweating and nauseated, fainted, and woke up like 5-10 min sick as fuck.
georgealmost
How do you do that?
dickpuns
get drunk, and proclaim "I can smoke 10 cigs at once". And finish all 10 of them.
JPRiddles
You know when parents catch their teenagers smoking so they make them smoke the whole pack til they puke? That's how
jwp90
I didn't know that was a thing... That's fucking terrifying.