I don't want to be at her service anymore

onceawizardneveramuggleagain

2258

Will make it quick... I have pretty rude and selfish in-laws who have been mean to me right from start. Zero help from them even when I had my girls coz they wanted grandsons and blamed me that I couldn't give them male offspring. I have spent every penny I earned to show them places and pay their hospital bills for last. Have gone bankrupt twice while caring for their illnesses (bankruptcy is different in India). 7 years ago my FIL passed away with diabetes related complications after undergoing dialysis for 3 years. It's draining physically, mentally and financially. Now my MIL is going thru similar. I don't want to be a primary care giver anymore. I am tired. I am middle aged too and have my own challenges. But she keeps insisting on getting medical care for even a sneeze... listing her health parameters... hba1c 12, high BP, creatinine at 1.6, hypothyroidism, rashes throughout body and in joints where skin touches skin... it takes a long time to heal anything. Any doctor here who can give me a frank picture of what to expect in terms of her life expectancy? She is already 72... can't walk properly since her feet are eternally swollen. She is on medication for pretty much every bodily function.

meganical

Unfortunately, she might live longer than you. Your health has clearly suffered for a long time due to the stress they cause(d). My grandma was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and told to expect only a couple months but even she lived about a year after that because the hospice care for her was so great

2 years ago |

She has 2 daughters who are on opposite face of this planet. When they visit they don't want to do any work and want royal treatment since they have a pretty "tough life" driving their Tesla by themselves without a driver and housework without a maid. I would be happy if they can pitch in when they have taken a lot of help from their parents when they had their babies during postpartum and baby sitting...

littlecoatfatguy

I’d have bailed at “blamed me for not having sons” but you do you.

Stoneagedudeman

Hell, you dump enough money into her and she'll live to be 100, albeit likely jammed into a full body support with machinery. If you neglect her you could be free in a few weeks potentially. This is a question you can't really get an answer for.

Lol ... I would be dead long before she turns 100.

chittychittybangbanglovesustoo

What about long term care? She obviously needs help with meds and medical oversight.

It's very expensive. Can't afford it since we have already bared our bank accounts :(
Insurance doesn't cover those here.

KingMCG

I mean, an A1C of 12 is bad, but since nothing is amputated or blind, she is a few years away from death by diabetes. A high blood pressure is definitely not good, but barring other complications won’t kill her immediately. Swelling/edema in the legs is a sign or diabetes or poor circulation, which can lead to amputation if it gets infected…but not immediately deadly. Without a full metabolic workup (and imaging scans, stress test, etc) it is all speculation.

Thanks for this.... I just wanted to see a finish line which I know is not anywhere in sight for now.

friendsofsandwiches

in the wild, nature would take it's course.

If it was in the wild, she would be gone atleast 15 years ago

and there ya go.

mksu

idk how India works, but why are you taking care of your spouse's rude ass leech parents?

Coz my stupid husband can't see their selfishness and happily dumps them on me.

Ithinkimbetterthanyousometimes

Indian here, fuck that shit

PrairieFarmGirl

Only one thing to do.

Flodos

I'd personally say the problem starts and ends there,

DirigoTuSequere

so dump the stupid husband and be free and enjoy your own life with out him or his rude ass leech of a mother? Is that on the table? Because really, that sounds like the best option.

Unfortunately I can't and won't do that. We are a good family of 2 kids and we all love each other. A few more years of his mom's survival shouldn't take our family apart. Have put up with this circus for 21 years now ..

then set some boundaries at least. Like forcing him to see how terribly she treats you and having him do something about it.

This, he needs to see it, feel it. Make him the caregiver

I did. He is hardly home. His office hours are crazy. Can't afford a low impact job coz of expenses. I quit my job when my second child came along since zi didn't have support system and home needed my presence.

Comments (29)