getupgetouttaheregone
177325
5685
136
Jun 6, 2018 12:49 AM
getupgetouttaheregone
177325
5685
136
HexiHamaski
My wifes mother farted so hard everyone FELT it at a family dinner, the dog fled, she was very proud of it
DirkNurple
Pay attention, fellas.
Taborlin87
"a boyfriend"
8008135calculator
I make up stuff too sometimes.
Brandy321
Congratulations on each of you finding the right person, especially since it's each of you.
doobiedoobop
If my GF fell asleep and farted in front of my family I'd claim the fart so my family wouldn't lose respect for me and my taste in women.
7isMagic
https://theuniversalspectator.files.wordpress.com/2017/01/fart.gif
HandsomeJack19
Anyone else not a fan of someone under the age of 80 using the expression "passed gas" or is it just me?
JMaxGarage
Nah he married you for your last name. What u having for dinner? A beer. So many punsibilities.
Theshadyburrito
This was on here yesterday.
REVENGE488
Even though you fart like a Clydesdale he still loves you
oshea
I've followed her for ages, she's funny.
Smokipoki
I was farting so loud last night, my wife woke up 3 times. Then I woke up from her giggling
AHopelesslyRomanticBOOB
I read this to my bo..... yeah I don't have one
screwdriverone
Ironically, Sydney beers tend to have that effect on most people, uncontrolled flatulence
mercbrit
When he said “sorry about that”. He was apologising for bringing you with him not on your behalf!
ixtibir
That man's name? Albert Fartstein.
noptic
Deltablue
Love is in the air
Humanzee2
all the best relationships are based on lies.
Hotwired1970
You two are now just a couple of old farts.
meleesaidknockyouout
Once I silently farted in the backseat and my MIL commented on the rank smell. Husband knew it was me, immediately blamed the dog.
meleesaidknockyouout
She still talks about how bad the smell was. Still thinks it was the dog.
Blackershaman
Put a ring on your husbands hand
chiknhawk
Fake! Girls never admit a fart.
niauropsaka
We are allowed to after twelve years. It's in the Code.
aTokenOfMyExtreme
My wife farts like a distorted guitar falling out of it's straps and hitting the floor
NormanReedusLooksLikeHeWouldBeGoodInBed
Because we don't have butt holes.....
JOKERZwild86
Claim the fart you won her heart
ThisIsGod
I'll take the heat from your farts. Please love me.
mthornton91
Probably the weirdest romantic rhyme I’ve come across.
MasteroftheWU
sure hope that earned him a lifetime supply of BJs
bellapadella
Good fart/BJ ratio
IamJustinSane
Yes, unfortunately lifetime supply for him is only 3.
macpall
Probably not
bandabears
She just said they're married. Bj's end after the ring
danbrazier
Depends if the dude is laying on his back or not.
SilentHowling
Just pick the right partner.
iamthisguy247
But I like to think he had 13 years of BJs.
ryan2one3
Married and can confirm.
jlist
Married 23 years, can confirm
TheIncrediblePirate
Imgurians have such low expectations of marriage, it’s strange.
SocoFox
Incorrect.
CmfMttnPpl
But not anal
CmfMttnPpl
It begins at the O ring
sweetlittlebee
Beg to differ. A friend of mine has been married to her husband for about 15 years. I've heard from her that they both love anal.*shudders*
CmfMttnPpl
But it's not anal till penetration, I.E. the "ooohhhh!" Ring
TheRicM
BJ's is alright; their menu seems extensive at first, but being from a craft brew city, their choice of beers leaves a bit to be desired
jmpaten
BJ’s Curbside, serving your BJ’s curbside for 26 years, how can I service you?
Skizzlesnap
idontneednostinkingpuffin
I used to work at BJ's.... Let me tell you how many times I've heard "the joke" from customers
EngineerforPresident
I know it’s a joke about his misuse of an apostrophe, but I love BJ’s.
aphallatosis
Where was there a misuse of an apostraphe?
EndersdoyouthinkthisisafuckingGame
Fukkin Pizzookies though...
troublecliff
I'm not from the states but I'm gonna guess you're either in Portland or Denver...
MysteryX95
They exist in Florida too
Skizzlesnap
And Virginia
troublecliff
Its just weird to think about brewing beer in florida. Rum i could understand but beer seems out of place.
SpaceISIS
Jeremiah Red for life yo
TheRicM
Reds are hard to find sometimes
DeepTrollin
The only BJ's beer I drink
QueenFrieza
I read this to my boyfriend and he told me he would throw me under the bus so fast I would need a neck brace like Regina George afterwards
ijustfreakinglovecheese
Your boyfriend knows who Regina George is by name? Not like "the hit blonde one from that chickflick"?... girl that's not good
malfunctionbeep
I would let one rip to try to get a real Klumps vibe going
ifuckinglovesquirrels
That’s beautiful
Draciusen
The other extreme of true love.
noneforgretchenwieners
Yaaaaaas
jagster357
Neck-braces are so fetch!
Starfox4
princessatigresa
Marry him.
UltraBooster
How did you get to this conclusion from the comment?
TheatreStreet
Because he’s a duck
ChubbyNipple
Excellent question! You should merry him
StaalTheNotQuiteSoUndefeatedAnymoreButNevermind
UltraBooster
SIRTOXIC13
If it's "A" boyfriend, you didn't marry him. You just made shit up for clicks. Also looking at the profile pic and "13 years" seems off.
SemperFiZero
Of course it's bs.
JasmineWindsong
You’re an idiot
kingboarder
Outstanding perception. You should inspect shit.
zma123456
I have heard a real story like this.
niauropsaka
Not every profile picture is up to date. I'm a visual artist, and even I don't update all my icons and profile pics every year.
tazedconfused
Its someone elses tweet, methinks. @op probably thought it was funny/cute.
ZZhillTopper
I have been married 4 years together 12, I'm not that old could be true.
ADDGirl
I'm 36, everyone at work thinks I'm 28-32, been married for 14 years,with my husband for 18 years. Not common, but not impossible.
foxfire1112
it's call a story with a twist you fucking dense dope
LumpPump
together=/=years married. dated for years, he was a boyfriend when it happened, its a surprise ending that the boyfriend became her husband
Wolitman
Just like the use of "the young Man" "a boyfriend" is used to distance herself from the story told so that people following her won't 1/2
Wolitman
figure the end of the story (ie. She married "the young Man"/"a boyfriend" from the story, whom she might be seen with on pictures) 2/3
Wolitman
too easily. 3/3 (I messed up with the numbers) but you can view it however you want, be cynical for all I care.
Shimobe
That’s not what “a” means. It just means she’d had more than one before getting married.
TaylorElizabeth
Also it seems she may have used the article "a" to help drive home the ending of the story being that they got married.
homoerection
Thank you
MackerelTex
That’s exactly what it is
ThisisntJessitsJess
Idk man, look at that face shape. No young person looks that angular.
yolobrolo
Fuck this is salty.
diregamer
You think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies like that?
NickKimCage
Why is this downvoted?
UndeadFlamingo
Same reason reposts do, maybe.
kennerly
Who hurt you?
cujo67
sbzleon
ElbowDeepInAJedi
http://imgur.com/fTTBLia
H3RLA
I didn't.
Gloin15
Came to say the same thing. So they got married when they were 11?
LumpPump
together=/=years married. dated for years, he was a boyfriend when it happened, its a surprise ending that the boyfriend became her husband
Syralight
I have no idea how you arrived at the number 11.
Wolitman
https://twitter.com/EffinBirds/status/1003395949023125504?s=19
sarabearr
She’s in her mid/late 30s
radicaleb
You could just go to her twitter and find out she’s in her mid/late 30s with a couple of kids and married, but that seems like work I guess
IQDeclined
Why do that when we can be negative without the effort?
PunIshErnest
Fuck you and your negativity
ZoooBug
My sister (now 28) started dating her boyfriend at 15, so it can happen
ZoooBug
Husband*
Crosseyedcockatoo
Icemankillah
Free Earl muthahfukah
malfunctionbeep
Stolen
AugustThyme
RadicalRaizex
is Earl Sweatshirt still making music? I feel like he's not at all relevant unless he's doing something with Tyler the Creator.
Sabenar
Idk if he's making new music but he's still touring. Tyler and him had a falling out a long time ago. Pretty sure they still aren't talking.
roastbeefkazenzakis
I was about to say he did, as 'I don' t like shit, I don't go outside' was really really good. Came out in '15, not last year as I thought 1
roastbeefkazenzakis
Initially. Time files. If you haven't heard it, give it a go. Tyler free album iirc 2/2
j722
He recently cancelled his tour due to anxiety and other problems
NameOfLittleRelevance
Pardon my ignorance of internet culture, but... I don't get it :|
GimpyThe3LegDog
me and you both bro.
CactusFantastic0
He’s wafting for smell. It applies to the fart insinuating the fart smelled good.
RippleNipple
He’s smelling the fart you candlestick
NameOfLittleRelevance
Pardon my ignorance of internet culture but... Candlestick?
GyroRag
It has nothing to do with internet culture, he's just calling you a Candlestick, you absolute jordbær.
RippleNipple
ah hva
NameOfLittleRelevance
That... That was the joke.