Apr 8, 2021 10:39 AM
Srajo101
0
2566
30
IamfromCanadaeh1983
“Goddamn it fine... for Science!” *undoes pants, takes position and hopes for the smallest probe*.
BeerandCats
Me: yeah, sure; most importantly we're all assholes
MouseCheese1
GoodFUCKINGmorning
“Wow, you picked the wrong human”
ActualTttony
*sighs* unzips
almostdonehere
"1st off. Some humans believe the planet is flat." He looks at me, looks outside as we are flying away in space. "I'm screwed," he cries.
TheAllMightyThey
Gonna need some advanced alien tech up front tho
kahavi
"You're shit out of luck, I hate people."
TimeFoDat
"Okay, the first thing I'm gonna have to teach you about is the Plumbus..."
PerthAussieMike
Reminds me of an Aussie comedy show 'Thank God you're here' !! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thank_God_You%27re_Here
HappyTimeHollis
Steady on, it's not *that* bad.
delitescency
First season of that was so good but then it got really hit and miss
zengaisfamous
I’d say he’s doing ok, speaking earth so well
Velorex
Nah that's just the babel fish they put in your ear.
Babaloga
Nah aliens just speak English. The final covers the other languages.
I assumed English was an elective, like Groot is on Asgard
BaconBoy7
Based entirely off the type of people who claim to have been abducted... Aliens probably think we are the dumbest creatures in the universe
qualitystreamcontent
"You got the wrong guy, pal. I'm a shut-in who plays games all day and hasn't eaten a vegetable in years."
thisiskissel
hoplite464
Sauce...https://youtu.be/PfPdYYsEfAE
grndpnder
This skit turned my permanent frown into a full blown belly laugh.
FelineFatal
Thanks for the chuckle
AndrewBrandon
Where's the link to the responses? Writing prompt subreddit is a treasure trove of good short stores
Becker37
I help
AlltheSarcasm87
"Cool, we need 3 things real quick: A few condoms full of baked beans, a few javelins made of crystal meth, and a cloud that rains alcohol."
TinyOctopus
First thing to remember when it comes to rules about humans? There are no rules. It's just chaos theory tossed in a blender with monkeys.
JackTar8616
baronudragos1
Am i the only one stuck on the "to to"?
maxzero
We're not in Kansas anymore, to to.
00tj
If you think I'm not above lieing to an alien as a joke so they bomb their test your wrong.
Arracor
So this is how the human race ends...
Damn. Brb gona write a buddy comedy. Starts this way. Turns into alien and dude trying to save his grade. Weed is smoked. Seth rogan funded.
You know what, that actually doesn't sound bad at all... Get Seth Rogen on board for real and I'm all in.
waltjrimmer
"Oh fuck, I don't understand them either!"
copingcabana
I'm reminded of Back to School where the professor tells Rodney Dangerfield that whoever wrote that paper knows nothing about Kurt Vonnegut.
(He paid Kurt Vonnegut to write the paper)
blooblee1
The plot of Bill and Ted but with space travel instead of time travel
thenewteddy
"ugh" I sigh "fine" as I pull down my pants and bend over "OH GOD NO" he yells, shielding his eyes "I just have questions about culture"
MrRandom314159
stinkbeaner
What are the chances that they picked up a human who knows anything about humans?
Wwannie
Just take random retail employee
TimmyNG
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
confanity
Ah, see, most humans think they know a *lot* about humans. The quality may not be high, but they're guaranteed to get material in quantity.
LawmanLata
The odds of them picking up Mark Zuckerburg are astronomical.
FTUG
5/7
GadenKerensky
Here's the thing; maybe it would be an opportunity. An exam report on how humans aren't always interconnected. Think outside the box.
madtufguy
I mean... they picked up YOU.... so is this a confession?
kubi
What are the chances alien "human studies" are accurate?
itsallaboutthecones
My thought exactly. Better hope it's limited to the worldview of the bumpkin you just picked out of BFE.
MadDucks
I'm neither a bumpkin, nor in BFE, and I still am not sure what is even going on with our species these days.
Somedude7
What are the odds that the test is on pain response, and they pick up a masochist? "Notes: humans love being hurt, try it yourself!"
NarratesTheDarkerStory
My, you do seem to enjoy this. Your pants, they are tighter. Are you concealing a secondary proboscis?
TheIronPenguin
Human: "Harder, daddy". Alien: "Uhmmm....what?"
jayman0123
Give me a small technological marvel to "invent" and I'll tell you everything you need to know
Ulthirm
Dont push for a device, push for an integral component of a device that we dont have. A lot less Suss and easier to get pushed forward.
Zahnradfee
"Uhm, what about an electric snargafugl?"
5NoteHalf
Yes. Perfect. What's it do?
Uhm, you know, when you're very oftafugl because your ömlemeß doesn't want to golubl? It helps you with that.
Excellent. I'll just jot that down and be on my way.
(And make a fortune off whatever this thing is that I assume is its battery)
AlexanderGibson
This is funny cause i had a dream last night about being abducted. They gave me ice cream at the end. Cool guys
NotTinyPancakes
I kep tdreaming about my dog who died a few hours before
BigTex1
Were they giant tacos that pooped ice cream?
PlayingNiceForOnce
Ice cream and anal probes for all!
NowhereMan313
"Dream"
SyrussScaleskin
What flavour?
Hookersandblackjack
Did you get abducted in a flying ice cream van?
My dream: aliens shook my arm to woke me up, my response "what are you guys doing here" they said come on we are leaving told my wife bye1/?
Then we walk out to my front door into a doctor's waiting room where i watched Jerry Springer and read Sports illustrated. Alien in a 2/?
Sexy nurse outfit leads me to examination room. Alien takes my temperature tells me i dont have any STDs and that i need to watch my 3/?
Cholesterol. Gives me a cup of soft serve ice cream on my way out the office. I wake up in bed. 4/4
yourmomjokes69
New writing prompt: renew people of earth
gr33narrow
I need this show back so bad
I went into it knowing that it would end on a cliff hanger. It was so good
GOD IT IS SO GOOD. I WANT MORE. AT LEAST A DAMN COMIC
Khatapillah
After the initial shock of shitting my pants: "Yeah dude, whatcha wanna know?"
TheGameMan
"Whats the powerhouse of the cell?" "What does a squared plus b squared equal?"
Imademyselfsquirtle
First question is it a female human looking alien. Second are there tentacles. Third I'm fucking that alien for their mark. Don't judge.
briham86
"So you're cool with me using the Anal Pulverizer 5000 instead of a standard probe? Great! That'll really cut down on the processing time."
Isi151e
Pass me that space bong...it all started long ago. The universe was created, this made a lot of people angry &was widely regarded a bad move
dyxj
Proceed to give him plausible sounding bullshit. Troll that alien.
Snooj
"First off, do all humans smell like shit or just you?"
lurkmoarjono
Listen here, ya lil green fucker....
METROlD
No. The correct response is : what are you trading? A ship? Money? Technology? Lifespan expansion? Money first, business later.
PriestofThor
But I forgot my pen
jethroismaxbaer5772
"Why do humans drive on parkways and park on driveways?"
JPhDaigle
/a/jQZxvd0
Freakingdoomguy
Are you suggesting juggalos are an alien race... Because I wholeheartedly agree
chepeweb
Taking notes: "Humans shit pants on contact."
BunterTheMage
Don’t be shocked that you shit your pants; it’s a natural reaction to fear!
kalamazandy
I dont have that. I clench so hard that I end up pooping a diamond once I’m able to relax again.
AMRIV
Alien: v
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Boatdoctor
Omfg, this deserves a Grammy!!
ObliqueRay
...if I show you there's going to be a cop's knee in my back.
GingeraffeTW
"How did you guys invent and harness electricity?" "Fuuuuuuuuhhh...."
iraslak
Take a balloon and a cat. Rub them together. Boom! Toast
gIoblobbIobgob
And then you just point them at Wikipedia
Colopty
Through a bunch of incremental discoveries that happened over the span of several centuries, like most other things.
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
"you think we invented the naturally occurring phenomenon that is electricity?" *looks around ship skeptically.* "Well, basically we just
used old grain/fruit juice and pieces of metal to create voltage, then used the fact that certain materials become magnetic when electrified
. Now we just use salt instead of fruit juice. and that is how a tesla works.
LetumComplexo
I feel like there’s a Tool reference in here but I’m too exhausted from school to figure it out.Can you pretend I made some witty reference?
wurth
I thought it was a bill and Ted reference.
Damndfraggle
BonafideHomicide
My username is relevant here!
SharingTheJoy
Oh I get your vague reference. Can’t remember what they said, goddamn, shit the bed.
curmudgeon91
Rosetta Stoned? Which song is that? I always have a hard time remembering the names of their songs.
Yeah that’s Rosetta Stoned.
I feel like my username is relevant here...
Got right on top of me
MrHerpertDerpington
"Thanks! The topic is 'painful testicle extraction'."
080080
oh... well down on the surface we call that marriage. AMIRITE GUYS??? v
hidethepainharold.jpg
Gayforbae
H4K1R4
Woo, it's voice acted well!
Ja5per
If I just tell you, "yes, it's very painful", will you get at least a B?
beatles13lakers
"It's show & tell. I'm gonna need two Bs for that."
Lionskull
I know just the guy, his name is Mitch McConnell and he's pretty much a walking testicle.
Will you put them back after?
CmfMttnPpl
Testicular torsion.
ilovesmashtaco
The old Dick twist
hapyfeet
had it. Zero stars. Do not recommend.
hipshopbutcanthap
"Great but you should really be talking to my ex"
taksoto
Haha. Self own. Those are rare.
IgnisInvictus
Pst. I think that's a female. I'd have to send em to my ex too...
IamfromCanadaeh1983
“Goddamn it fine... for Science!” *undoes pants, takes position and hopes for the smallest probe*.
BeerandCats
Me: yeah, sure; most importantly we're all assholes
MouseCheese1
GoodFUCKINGmorning
“Wow, you picked the wrong human”
ActualTttony
*sighs* unzips
almostdonehere
"1st off. Some humans believe the planet is flat." He looks at me, looks outside as we are flying away in space. "I'm screwed," he cries.
TheAllMightyThey
Gonna need some advanced alien tech up front tho
kahavi
"You're shit out of luck, I hate people."
TimeFoDat
"Okay, the first thing I'm gonna have to teach you about is the Plumbus..."
PerthAussieMike
Reminds me of an Aussie comedy show 'Thank God you're here' !! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thank_God_You%27re_Here
HappyTimeHollis
Steady on, it's not *that* bad.
delitescency
First season of that was so good but then it got really hit and miss
zengaisfamous
I’d say he’s doing ok, speaking earth so well
Velorex
Nah that's just the babel fish they put in your ear.
Babaloga
Nah aliens just speak English. The final covers the other languages.
zengaisfamous
I assumed English was an elective, like Groot is on Asgard
BaconBoy7
Based entirely off the type of people who claim to have been abducted... Aliens probably think we are the dumbest creatures in the universe
qualitystreamcontent
"You got the wrong guy, pal. I'm a shut-in who plays games all day and hasn't eaten a vegetable in years."
thisiskissel
hoplite464
Sauce...https://youtu.be/PfPdYYsEfAE
grndpnder
This skit turned my permanent frown into a full blown belly laugh.
FelineFatal
Thanks for the chuckle
AndrewBrandon
Where's the link to the responses? Writing prompt subreddit is a treasure trove of good short stores
Becker37
I help
AlltheSarcasm87
"Cool, we need 3 things real quick: A few condoms full of baked beans, a few javelins made of crystal meth, and a cloud that rains alcohol."
TinyOctopus
First thing to remember when it comes to rules about humans? There are no rules. It's just chaos theory tossed in a blender with monkeys.
JackTar8616
baronudragos1
Am i the only one stuck on the "to to"?
maxzero
We're not in Kansas anymore, to to.
00tj
If you think I'm not above lieing to an alien as a joke so they bomb their test your wrong.
Arracor
So this is how the human race ends...
00tj
Damn. Brb gona write a buddy comedy. Starts this way. Turns into alien and dude trying to save his grade. Weed is smoked. Seth rogan funded.
Arracor
You know what, that actually doesn't sound bad at all... Get Seth Rogen on board for real and I'm all in.
waltjrimmer
"Oh fuck, I don't understand them either!"
copingcabana
I'm reminded of Back to School where the professor tells Rodney Dangerfield that whoever wrote that paper knows nothing about Kurt Vonnegut.
copingcabana
(He paid Kurt Vonnegut to write the paper)
blooblee1
The plot of Bill and Ted but with space travel instead of time travel
thenewteddy
"ugh" I sigh "fine" as I pull down my pants and bend over "OH GOD NO" he yells, shielding his eyes "I just have questions about culture"
MrRandom314159
stinkbeaner
What are the chances that they picked up a human who knows anything about humans?
Wwannie
Just take random retail employee
TimmyNG
Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
confanity
Ah, see, most humans think they know a *lot* about humans. The quality may not be high, but they're guaranteed to get material in quantity.
LawmanLata
The odds of them picking up Mark Zuckerburg are astronomical.
FTUG
5/7
GadenKerensky
Here's the thing; maybe it would be an opportunity. An exam report on how humans aren't always interconnected. Think outside the box.
madtufguy
I mean... they picked up YOU.... so is this a confession?
kubi
What are the chances alien "human studies" are accurate?
itsallaboutthecones
My thought exactly. Better hope it's limited to the worldview of the bumpkin you just picked out of BFE.
MadDucks
I'm neither a bumpkin, nor in BFE, and I still am not sure what is even going on with our species these days.
Somedude7
What are the odds that the test is on pain response, and they pick up a masochist? "Notes: humans love being hurt, try it yourself!"
NarratesTheDarkerStory
My, you do seem to enjoy this. Your pants, they are tighter. Are you concealing a secondary proboscis?
TheIronPenguin
Human: "Harder, daddy". Alien: "Uhmmm....what?"
jayman0123
Give me a small technological marvel to "invent" and I'll tell you everything you need to know
Ulthirm
Dont push for a device, push for an integral component of a device that we dont have. A lot less Suss and easier to get pushed forward.
Zahnradfee
"Uhm, what about an electric snargafugl?"
5NoteHalf
Yes. Perfect. What's it do?
Zahnradfee
Uhm, you know, when you're very oftafugl because your ömlemeß doesn't want to golubl? It helps you with that.
5NoteHalf
Excellent. I'll just jot that down and be on my way.
5NoteHalf
(And make a fortune off whatever this thing is that I assume is its battery)
AlexanderGibson
This is funny cause i had a dream last night about being abducted. They gave me ice cream at the end. Cool guys
NotTinyPancakes
I kep tdreaming about my dog who died a few hours before
BigTex1
Were they giant tacos that pooped ice cream?
PlayingNiceForOnce
Ice cream and anal probes for all!
NowhereMan313
"Dream"
SyrussScaleskin
What flavour?
Hookersandblackjack
Did you get abducted in a flying ice cream van?
AlexanderGibson
My dream: aliens shook my arm to woke me up, my response "what are you guys doing here" they said come on we are leaving told my wife bye1/?
AlexanderGibson
Then we walk out to my front door into a doctor's waiting room where i watched Jerry Springer and read Sports illustrated. Alien in a 2/?
AlexanderGibson
Sexy nurse outfit leads me to examination room. Alien takes my temperature tells me i dont have any STDs and that i need to watch my 3/?
AlexanderGibson
Cholesterol. Gives me a cup of soft serve ice cream on my way out the office. I wake up in bed. 4/4
yourmomjokes69
New writing prompt: renew people of earth
gr33narrow
I need this show back so bad
yourmomjokes69
I went into it knowing that it would end on a cliff hanger. It was so good
gr33narrow
GOD IT IS SO GOOD. I WANT MORE. AT LEAST A DAMN COMIC
Khatapillah
After the initial shock of shitting my pants: "Yeah dude, whatcha wanna know?"
TheGameMan
"Whats the powerhouse of the cell?" "What does a squared plus b squared equal?"
Imademyselfsquirtle
First question is it a female human looking alien. Second are there tentacles. Third I'm fucking that alien for their mark. Don't judge.
briham86
"So you're cool with me using the Anal Pulverizer 5000 instead of a standard probe? Great! That'll really cut down on the processing time."
Isi151e
Pass me that space bong...it all started long ago. The universe was created, this made a lot of people angry &was widely regarded a bad move
dyxj
Proceed to give him plausible sounding bullshit. Troll that alien.
Snooj
"First off, do all humans smell like shit or just you?"
lurkmoarjono
Listen here, ya lil green fucker....
METROlD
No. The correct response is : what are you trading? A ship? Money? Technology? Lifespan expansion? Money first, business later.
PriestofThor
But I forgot my pen
jethroismaxbaer5772
"Why do humans drive on parkways and park on driveways?"
JPhDaigle
/a/jQZxvd0
Freakingdoomguy
Are you suggesting juggalos are an alien race... Because I wholeheartedly agree
chepeweb
Taking notes: "Humans shit pants on contact."
BunterTheMage
Don’t be shocked that you shit your pants; it’s a natural reaction to fear!
kalamazandy
I dont have that. I clench so hard that I end up pooping a diamond once I’m able to relax again.
AMRIV
Alien:
v
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Boatdoctor
Omfg, this deserves a Grammy!!
ObliqueRay
...if I show you there's going to be a cop's knee in my back.
GingeraffeTW
"How did you guys invent and harness electricity?" "Fuuuuuuuuhhh...."
iraslak
Take a balloon and a cat. Rub them together. Boom! Toast
gIoblobbIobgob
And then you just point them at Wikipedia
Colopty
Through a bunch of incremental discoveries that happened over the span of several centuries, like most other things.
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
"you think we invented the naturally occurring phenomenon that is electricity?" *looks around ship skeptically.* "Well, basically we just
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
used old grain/fruit juice and pieces of metal to create voltage, then used the fact that certain materials become magnetic when electrified
Anotherunsuspectingvictim
. Now we just use salt instead of fruit juice. and that is how a tesla works.
LetumComplexo
I feel like there’s a Tool reference in here but I’m too exhausted from school to figure it out.Can you pretend I made some witty reference?
wurth
I thought it was a bill and Ted reference.
Damndfraggle
BonafideHomicide
My username is relevant here!
SharingTheJoy
Oh I get your vague reference. Can’t remember what they said, goddamn, shit the bed.
curmudgeon91
Rosetta Stoned? Which song is that? I always have a hard time remembering the names of their songs.
LetumComplexo
Yeah that’s Rosetta Stoned.
BonafideHomicide
I feel like my username is relevant here...
PriestofThor
Got right on top of me
MrHerpertDerpington
"Thanks! The topic is 'painful testicle extraction'."
080080
oh... well down on the surface we call that marriage. AMIRITE GUYS???
v
MrHerpertDerpington
hidethepainharold.jpg
Gayforbae
H4K1R4
Woo, it's voice acted well!
Ja5per
Somedude7
If I just tell you, "yes, it's very painful", will you get at least a B?
beatles13lakers
MrHerpertDerpington
"It's show & tell. I'm gonna need two Bs for that."
Lionskull
I know just the guy, his name is Mitch McConnell and he's pretty much a walking testicle.
AMRIV
Will you put them back after?
MrHerpertDerpington
CmfMttnPpl
Testicular torsion.
ilovesmashtaco
The old Dick twist
hapyfeet
had it. Zero stars. Do not recommend.
hipshopbutcanthap
"Great but you should really be talking to my ex"
taksoto
Haha. Self own. Those are rare.
IgnisInvictus
Pst. I think that's a female. I'd have to send em to my ex too...