Oct 15, 2020 8:34 AM
mibakr
110839
3145
57
Furyoflight
“Jeffery Epstein killed himself to avoid prosecution” - dude in bar thinking he has a chance with recent bar approved lawyer woman.
wulfricthewhite
Whatever it is, it ain’t working.
scatter
"How you doin' little mama, let me whisper in your ear. Tell you something that you might like to hear..."
kuosa
"My favorite part of usersub is k-poop artists and politics"
Thatonepersonyounevermet
Hoenheign
“hail hydra”
AgainstMethod
Nah, I'd have follow-up questions to that.
ActionJohnnie
I drank a liter of pineapple juice about an hour ago.
twsx
https://imgur.com/YopP7pd
NICEUSEOFWORDSSIR
"He turned himself into a pickle. Funniest damn thing I've ever seen..."
BubblesTheFish
You're laughing. A man turns himself into a pickle and you're laughing....
DancesWithHippos
SethCronyn
Pmmeyourink
Bush did 911, epstein didn't kill himself, cell phone towers cause cancer, covid is spread with 5g..
CeterumCenseo
One of these things is not like the others ...
You're right, but getting super intense about it is still cringe
tickle4berries
“I can bench 350 and squat 400. I drink whey isolate protein 4 times a day. Did I tell you I take creatine? Because I do. It’s cheat day”
ThanosTheGreat
You can see her drying up by the second.
PerkyPervertedPet
Well, at least he is able to get some reaction out of her...
RandAIFlagg
I heard her vagina make the windows shutdown down
trigonman3
doobie do down down
Justboredtobehere
Her thoughts:..." Ok, yeah, What? Umm I'm not sur...SERIOUSLY? Ok, I'm gonna need to be a LOT drunker for THAT! Geez I hope he has coke!"
Silverwingedfluff
"So let me tell you about timeshares..."
"Taxation is theft and the only moral interactions between individuals is of fair exchange. I think we should exchange numbers, sound fair?"
Oof, you must be taking to my friends
Lantis02
"Kelly, the rest of our friends and I are seriously concerned about your drinking problem. We all love you and are worried about you."
Good point. There's a chance they're having an actual conversation and she's just being rude.
chrish066
I can't put my weight on the ...effin... the roof, I can't put my weight on the gutter, where is it meant to go? You effin wank stain!!!
Promethianfire
Yer really agitatin me!
FuzzyAdventurer
You can say fuckin you know. The fun police won't arrest you.
Tunisia
"You should see the size of the law firm my dad works at"
GetFrontOrDieTryin
this is from December 2019: listen to me... i know this sounds crazy, but there is a virus in china. it will spread around the world.
prettydumb
lol
pointynipples
So smart
glacialbae
"We need to immediately begin repopulation efforts to counteract the high mortality."
tanebot
Whatever it is, somebody export it to all the low lying countries who are about to get hit by sea level rise.
pinatafarmer
"Aw, babe, yer just like, so hot, like, when I first walked in, I was like, dang! Check that hot chick out! I'm not like most guys..."
fbutt09
He said that whilst drunk! Dutch courage
mickison
Spot on
BHPaperstacks
"Damn girl when I get you home I'm gonna like touch around ur junk cuz that will get you more excited then if I just touch it to start."
LooseSeall
“We didnt even hook up, I swear. She wanted to but I wasnt interested, you can even ask Brad. So, its cool for us to go to back to my place”
revenantape
"I have glorious status on Imgur. It's a big deal. I also have a puttanesca recipe that my chef friend is jealous of. "
thisgoesto11
Holy shit I forgot about that one, lol. +1
servingmytimeinusersub
I only know what puttanesca is because of a series of unfortunate events.
TheDoctormoriarty
It's an old reference sir, but it checks out...
0fuckingdmg
Man it's only with the understanding of this reference that i realize I've been looking at this website for like 8 years...
Yprox5
That and danquan
BannedForSFW05
Chromeburn8
Funny thing about getting hit by a chair. It doesn't break like in the movies, usually you do.
thesameasyours
I voted for trump because I also have a small penis
leechdemon
Pretty sure that was her response to him.
"I got six inches for ya all night! Couple hours rest and we can go 3 times!"
TheDudeanator
Marky got with Sharon, Sharon got ShericeShe was sharin' Sharon's outlook on the topic of disease
theoriginalfathead
One of my favorite songs ever.
Yellowdart49
"My mom and I have a bet that I can't get your number..she says I can, but I say I can't cause you're too beautiful"
NinjaCongo
"But if I can, then would you be interested in a threesome? Mom does that thing with her tongue."
Dislex1a
standard answer to that: Your mom is right, she told me this morning while making me breakfast.
thetrout77
"i don't wash my rice"
Silent1fd
Wait, I'm supposed to wash rice?
jimfalconer611
austinwizardforhire
What?! Hii-yah.
TA2019
What are you referring to?
muffilio
Uncle roger
DeveloperDan783
This, and I quote, are his swooning words:
RebelSkull
I’ve never met a marine who was also a seal or vice versa. Just saying.
TheYoungJaywalker
Is there a way to generate a gif like this of my own text?
awesometotallyawesome
App called Spreeder
TheGreatAtomsk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wW2Eq_1QUjg
Runkel
beastthatshines
"Kiddo" at the end, so intimidating lol
bags1988
“So prepare for the fucking storm, maggot” lol
PutinWitPrincess
I live this eay of reading
mypotatohas47assholes
Want me to call a Bondulance?
CPTNNemo
oh this old gem :D
PowerThruster
Is this from something? I feel like I've read this before on an awful forum
I believe it's from 4chan.
dwaynetichinel31415
How did my brain read this and my eyes didn't
zsefvgb
Bravo for putting it into words. It's like those stupid Facebook posts "1f yuo cna raed tihs yuo'er so srmat"
AllysiaAiua
Likely because you already know the source quote.
Hg203
From what I understand this is how speed reading works. The faster you become you can digest more than 1 word at a time.
RustyDoorNail
Feel like your brain is noticing the more descriptive and uncommon words and is just ignore the filler words then off context order of words
YurgenGrimwood
www.spreeder.com
UWantSumFuk
I used this in my first few years of uni when I had to do book reports, just find a pdf and copy it to Spritz or something
FuckingTurtleBear
Inb4, there's apps for this. One that changes the middle letter to red was handy
SweetrollTheif
https://www.spritzlet.com/
SpikeWolfwood
"I've been tring to contact you about your car's extended warranty."
QueenKaei97
????
rhetoricIjustmether
So happy others are dealing with my same misery. I camethisclose to throwing my phone on the ground yesterday.
OneTonBrute
Hello! Please don't hang up. You are qualified for a...
DashDaddyD
Hit 2 to be removed from list. *Beep* *Ring*. “We’ve been trying to contact... fffffff!
TheRealGritty
"We are calling about your student loans"
NuclearButtPlugFromPlanetX
God of War lore.
HandoB4Javert
IBentMyWookie
Oh god, too real
ShamelessSeamus
I'll have you know that I've spent the last 6 months qualified for an extremely exclusive, extremely time limited roofing grant.
EviLPaRaDiSe
Anytime they call me, I speak in a fake accent and ask why the didn't come for dinner. Usually I give them a name like Ricardo, frankie, or
Bob(pronounced Boob) tell them mom was so upset that she wouldn't eat her favorite casserole. Then go on about how disappointed I am.
Hellfirefighter
There are hot guys in your area
BadgerToby
“This is your FINAL courtesy call...” IF ONLY!!!
Smeenu
There is coffee all over my screen now.. thanks
sha13
- What extended warranty? - Exactly!
ButterfaceTaintClown
"...be he's clearly sexually abusing his grandchildren, and I think China could have stopped the virus, and really the economy was doing..."
DasPumpenStrasse
Hei beautiful! Do you have a minute? To talk about our savior Lord Jesus?
UniversalTruth2020
Why are we getting these calls all the sudden and how did they get my phone number??
1) Scam artists
2) They buy your information from companies you've done business in the past with
This is sad but true. I don't even own a car
Perkunas687
IF I GET ONE MORE OF THOSE PHONE CALLS AAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Kbantar
Ditto. I don't have a car, and have never even had a blasted license.
LariCheltsy
I love getting those calls. My daily driver is 50 years old and I can REALLY troll those asshats.
nikkinikorasu
I was one of those callers for 6 weeks in 2007. That company would cover it so long as it was under 500k miles. Wasn't cheap, though.
Nope. We Still dont qualify!
RandomlyAppointedNSAAgent
The pixel 4 has google call screening option. I make their robot talk to Google's robot.
15andahalfrapples
My pixel 2 also had the feature. Pretty slick if you ask me.
It's my favorite non-camera feature.
Furyoflight
“Jeffery Epstein killed himself to avoid prosecution” - dude in bar thinking he has a chance with recent bar approved lawyer woman.
wulfricthewhite
Whatever it is, it ain’t working.
scatter
"How you doin' little mama, let me whisper in your ear. Tell you something that you might like to hear..."
kuosa
"My favorite part of usersub is k-poop artists and politics"
Thatonepersonyounevermet
Hoenheign
“hail hydra”
AgainstMethod
Nah, I'd have follow-up questions to that.
ActionJohnnie
I drank a liter of pineapple juice about an hour ago.
twsx
https://imgur.com/YopP7pd
NICEUSEOFWORDSSIR
"He turned himself into a pickle. Funniest damn thing I've ever seen..."
BubblesTheFish
You're laughing. A man turns himself into a pickle and you're laughing....
DancesWithHippos
SethCronyn
Pmmeyourink
Bush did 911, epstein didn't kill himself, cell phone towers cause cancer, covid is spread with 5g..
CeterumCenseo
One of these things is not like the others ...
AgainstMethod
You're right, but getting super intense about it is still cringe
tickle4berries
“I can bench 350 and squat 400. I drink whey isolate protein 4 times a day. Did I tell you I take creatine? Because I do. It’s cheat day”
ThanosTheGreat
You can see her drying up by the second.
PerkyPervertedPet
Well, at least he is able to get some reaction out of her...
RandAIFlagg
I heard her vagina make the windows shutdown down
trigonman3
doobie do down down
Justboredtobehere
Her thoughts:..." Ok, yeah, What? Umm I'm not sur...SERIOUSLY? Ok, I'm gonna need to be a LOT drunker for THAT! Geez I hope he has coke!"
Silverwingedfluff
"So let me tell you about timeshares..."
RandAIFlagg
"Taxation is theft and the only moral interactions between individuals is of fair exchange. I think we should exchange numbers, sound fair?"
AgainstMethod
Oof, you must be taking to my friends
Lantis02
"Kelly, the rest of our friends and I are seriously concerned about your drinking problem. We all love you and are worried about you."
AgainstMethod
Good point. There's a chance they're having an actual conversation and she's just being rude.
chrish066
I can't put my weight on the ...effin... the roof, I can't put my weight on the gutter, where is it meant to go? You effin wank stain!!!
Promethianfire
Yer really agitatin me!
FuzzyAdventurer
You can say fuckin you know. The fun police won't arrest you.
Tunisia
"You should see the size of the law firm my dad works at"
GetFrontOrDieTryin
this is from December 2019: listen to me... i know this sounds crazy, but there is a virus in china. it will spread around the world.
prettydumb
lol
pointynipples
So smart
glacialbae
"We need to immediately begin repopulation efforts to counteract the high mortality."
tanebot
Whatever it is, somebody export it to all the low lying countries who are about to get hit by sea level rise.
pinatafarmer
"Aw, babe, yer just like, so hot, like, when I first walked in, I was like, dang! Check that hot chick out! I'm not like most guys..."
fbutt09
He said that whilst drunk! Dutch courage
mickison
Spot on
BHPaperstacks
"Damn girl when I get you home I'm gonna like touch around ur junk cuz that will get you more excited then if I just touch it to start."
LooseSeall
“We didnt even hook up, I swear. She wanted to but I wasnt interested, you can even ask Brad. So, its cool for us to go to back to my place”
revenantape
"I have glorious status on Imgur. It's a big deal. I also have a puttanesca recipe that my chef friend is jealous of. "
thisgoesto11
Holy shit I forgot about that one, lol. +1
servingmytimeinusersub
I only know what puttanesca is because of a series of unfortunate events.
TheDoctormoriarty
It's an old reference sir, but it checks out...
0fuckingdmg
Man it's only with the understanding of this reference that i realize I've been looking at this website for like 8 years...
Yprox5
That and danquan
BannedForSFW05
Chromeburn8
Funny thing about getting hit by a chair. It doesn't break like in the movies, usually you do.
thesameasyours
I voted for trump because I also have a small penis
leechdemon
Pretty sure that was her response to him.
RandAIFlagg
"I got six inches for ya all night! Couple hours rest and we can go 3 times!"
TheDudeanator
Marky got with Sharon, Sharon got Sherice
She was sharin' Sharon's outlook on the topic of disease
theoriginalfathead
One of my favorite songs ever.
Yellowdart49
"My mom and I have a bet that I can't get your number..she says I can, but I say I can't cause you're too beautiful"
NinjaCongo
"But if I can, then would you be interested in a threesome? Mom does that thing with her tongue."
Dislex1a
standard answer to that: Your mom is right, she told me this morning while making me breakfast.
thetrout77
"i don't wash my rice"
Silent1fd
Wait, I'm supposed to wash rice?
jimfalconer611
austinwizardforhire
What?! Hii-yah.
TA2019
What are you referring to?
muffilio
Uncle roger
austinwizardforhire
DeveloperDan783
This, and I quote, are his swooning words:
RebelSkull
I’ve never met a marine who was also a seal or vice versa. Just saying.
TheYoungJaywalker
Is there a way to generate a gif like this of my own text?
awesometotallyawesome
App called Spreeder
TheGreatAtomsk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wW2Eq_1QUjg
Runkel
beastthatshines
"Kiddo" at the end, so intimidating lol
bags1988
“So prepare for the fucking storm, maggot” lol
PutinWitPrincess
I live this eay of reading
mypotatohas47assholes
Want me to call a Bondulance?
CPTNNemo
oh this old gem :D
PowerThruster
Is this from something? I feel like I've read this before on an awful forum
DeveloperDan783
I believe it's from 4chan.
dwaynetichinel31415
How did my brain read this and my eyes didn't
zsefvgb
Bravo for putting it into words. It's like those stupid Facebook posts "1f yuo cna raed tihs yuo'er so srmat"
AllysiaAiua
Likely because you already know the source quote.
Hg203
From what I understand this is how speed reading works. The faster you become you can digest more than 1 word at a time.
RustyDoorNail
Feel like your brain is noticing the more descriptive and uncommon words and is just ignore the filler words then off context order of words
YurgenGrimwood
www.spreeder.com
UWantSumFuk
I used this in my first few years of uni when I had to do book reports, just find a pdf and copy it to Spritz or something
FuckingTurtleBear
Inb4, there's apps for this. One that changes the middle letter to red was handy
SweetrollTheif
https://www.spritzlet.com/
SpikeWolfwood
"I've been tring to contact you about your car's extended warranty."
QueenKaei97
????
rhetoricIjustmether
So happy others are dealing with my same misery. I camethisclose to throwing my phone on the ground yesterday.
OneTonBrute
Hello! Please don't hang up. You are qualified for a...
DashDaddyD
Hit 2 to be removed from list. *Beep* *Ring*. “We’ve been trying to contact... fffffff!
TheRealGritty
"We are calling about your student loans"
NuclearButtPlugFromPlanetX
God of War lore.
HandoB4Javert
IBentMyWookie
Oh god, too real
ShamelessSeamus
I'll have you know that I've spent the last 6 months qualified for an extremely exclusive, extremely time limited roofing grant.
EviLPaRaDiSe
Anytime they call me, I speak in a fake accent and ask why the didn't come for dinner. Usually I give them a name like Ricardo, frankie, or
EviLPaRaDiSe
Bob(pronounced Boob) tell them mom was so upset that she wouldn't eat her favorite casserole. Then go on about how disappointed I am.
Hellfirefighter
There are hot guys in your area
BadgerToby
“This is your FINAL courtesy call...” IF ONLY!!!
Smeenu
There is coffee all over my screen now.. thanks
sha13
- What extended warranty? - Exactly!
ButterfaceTaintClown
"...be he's clearly sexually abusing his grandchildren, and I think China could have stopped the virus, and really the economy was doing..."
DasPumpenStrasse
Hei beautiful! Do you have a minute? To talk about our savior Lord Jesus?
UniversalTruth2020
Why are we getting these calls all the sudden and how did they get my phone number??
OneTonBrute
1) Scam artists
OneTonBrute
2) They buy your information from companies you've done business in the past with
UniversalTruth2020
This is sad but true. I don't even own a car
Perkunas687
IF I GET ONE MORE OF THOSE PHONE CALLS AAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Kbantar
Ditto. I don't have a car, and have never even had a blasted license.
LariCheltsy
I love getting those calls. My daily driver is 50 years old and I can REALLY troll those asshats.
nikkinikorasu
I was one of those callers for 6 weeks in 2007. That company would cover it so long as it was under 500k miles. Wasn't cheap, though.
LariCheltsy
Nope. We Still dont qualify!
RandomlyAppointedNSAAgent
The pixel 4 has google call screening option. I make their robot talk to Google's robot.
15andahalfrapples
My pixel 2 also had the feature. Pretty slick if you ask me.
RandomlyAppointedNSAAgent
It's my favorite non-camera feature.