ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
197608
7238
146
He did not
Sep 22, 2016 5:14 PM
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
197608
7238
146
He did not
meeksmcgee
MuhammedLee
I hope your wife isn't this dramatic.
aninvisiblemaniac
were you talking to your wife or just playing on it because if it was the latter you shouldn't use your wife that way
iwishjtmoneywasstillavailableitsmyoldvideogamemoniker
Go team venture!
manmantanfan
Brock muther fuckin Sampson
VultureTX
Hi Dad! I'mPREGNATE
ColdCast
What is this, fucking grade school?
AnimeGrandpa
Good luck in your job search, OP
ILikeTheJiggles
^This. I've been fired for less
Surgas
Plot twist: OP wasn't talking to his wife
OutdoorHuman
That was my thought... regardless of why OP should have is phone on duty, what was he doing with it at the time?
Shagwrath
Hopefully you were actually talking to your wife or doing something worthwhile. Otherwise you're just a cock.
tpridz
DeusPraetorian
Brock Fucking Samson
Elconquesodor
The music makes this scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Khyzj5toqwA
Blastergv9
In all seriousness, did he not know she was pregnant? Was the exchange cordial?
OrangeBunny11
I am going to go yell at your boss for trying to take your baby. Just call me Joey.
howmanytimesdowehavetoteachyouthislessonoldman
You had nine months to learn how to spell pregnant...
nb109
He's probably super sleep deprived from making midnight runs for pickles, ice cream, and hoagie rolls.
LavChaos
Do people not bother to call the actual workplace anymore? I mean, "bitch, get him, I'm having a baby right now!" would be an awesome call.
snapplebee
With cell phones as prevalent as they are and likely only your S.O.'s personal number saved in your phone...nah probs not.
qwerty4007
At my first job ever at AMC in 2001. Only use 25 minutes for my 30 min lunch. Supervisor (bitchily) reminds me I only have 30 minutes... 1
qwerty4007
She thinks I took longer than I did. Without missing a beat I respond, "No problem, I'll come back 5 minutes later next time." ... 2
qwerty4007
I never came back early again, even if my co-workers were drowning in customers. Supervisor never crossed me again either. Still bitchy tho.
TheFinalDoctor
pregnant women can get away with literally anything
Luthrid
Except from the bathroom.
MunsterZero
But Brock has a licence to kill
OmnibusLatinName
What'll ya have, Hockeyhair?
mrchambers
To which that guy didn't know, which is why Brock told him to take it from him, so it would be a justified kill.
IThinkBeingInLoveWithPandasIsAlright
Did you calmly inform your executive that your wife may be about to labour?
Flyndaran
That may could easily cover an entire month. If he can't do his job, he shouldn't be at work. Just saying.
FauxFargoth
I don't get this attitude of "Work is more important than raising your kids" that pervades US work culture.
FutureVillain
An old boss tried to take my phone once and I laughed at her. My daughter was in the hospital at the time. Value village is the worst .... .
Flyndaran
Well, if you can't do your job, I don't think you have the right to get upset about it to your boss.
andidancedancedance
Only if that boss tries to take your phone.. But I agree otherwise. I will call off if it's an emergency
FutureVillain
.. place to ever work
Flyndaran
Obviously loved ones come first for you, but why must the Boss's job not matter to them?
drfarren
In the US there is something called FMLA. Fight that and prepare to have many levels of govt up your ass laying eggs in your chest.
mrhobbybob
Brock samson the swedish murder machine
ghostofryuchan
God bless that blonde-haired, butter cream-frosted murder cake!
foxvoom
I made a Seinfeld version of this -
v
smjack99999
Why tho
BobRossApproves
lollipopPunch
I mean if Bob Ross approves you know it is good.
Vydrach
Got one with out the Seinfeld but with the better font?
foxvoom
Yes -
v
Vydrach
Danke
GradyG
dope
grubstep
This is great
TheCryingOnTheInsideKind
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you don't hire Brock Fucking Samson
OmnibusLatinName
Dibs on that cigarette but.
KaptainSigyl
Do*
turdferguson74
One quarter cherokee, one quarter swedish, one half winnebago!!!
d0o0o0d
I'd hire Brock Fucking Samson in a goddam heartbeat, and if the work got done, I wouldn't give a single fuck when he punched in or out.
BrockfuckingSamson
*stamp of approval*
HalloIamherenow
Excuse you, but if I ever encounter Brock Fucking Samson I would want him on my side, hell I'd pay just to not kill me.
Flyndaran
He has all the "manly" superpowers especially the manly Batman one of everyone pretending he doesn't have powers.
Itouchthefishy
I can hear this gif in his voice.
Sithrak
Here, you like his voice, you like him being awesome? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v9ACXP62A8 You're welcome.
UndyingUsagi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NpsXS8bnHE
beatingoffinfrontofapegasus
I hear all things in his voice all the time. its wonderful.
PoopBag
Are you... are you Brock Sampson?
SmirkingSkull
Warburton that is.
UndyingUsagi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NpsXS8bnHE
wysmith777
Isn't it also the guy who voices Joe on Family Guy, or am I mistaken
Klnwltrnk
Same guy - http://m.imdb.com/name/nm0911320/?ref_=m_tt_cl_i5
Nineteenletterslong
I can hear this comment in your voice.
SensualDonut
I can voice this comment in your hear
YourNeighbourRon
I like the smell of your voice
Ashilino
What isnt this from? Because i am totally familliar with this show n all
SpruceCaboose
Assuming you're doing that phrasing thing, it's Venture Bros. Character is Brock Samson.
Rejukem
I can hear the heavy metal music blasting in the background!
CancelledChoir
SAME
DoctorMantisTobogganMD
What is this, high school?
ssjalhazred
Probably retail or fast food.
unscot
OP has never had a job.
Cal1te
Low level retail maybe? They are always notoriously shitty towards there staff.
TheMostGiftedSeraph
My first thought was military
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
Bread baker actually... just a real shitty boss
Belatorius
I work in a factory and I was written up twice for checking the time.
SomeDetroitGuy
Time to buy a watch?
Cere4l
never conform just because someone else is an asshole.
uhhMurdok
Damn, there are better jobs bud. Gotta keep shooting for a job that's going to train you to work a field of any kind.
uhhMurdok
I work in a Mold Making CNC shop, I go on my phone just to get my podcast app on to playlist on so I can listen while I work.
uhhMurdok
Most decent work places don't care what you do as long as you get done what needs to be done and don't take forever to do it.
uhhMurdok
I've worked in a production shop before, it's terrible. Get out now man. Learn stuff so you're not so throw away they can treat u that way
Belatorius
Its mainly my department's supervisor. Hes very by the book
chrishallett83
I would buy a cheap clock and hang it in a highly visible place.
uhhMurdok
In production they all are, numbers are the only thing that matters. Stay doing production anywhere and that will never change.
BlownByTheMonsignor
Plot twist: OP is an air-traffic controller
cocapoda
It brings a tear to my eye...
hugoimgehn
Teacher
XxSirSchmoopyxX
I'm leaving a comment so I cba come back these are all so good
Baltakhand
Same
EmoWookie33
Train engineer
easybrz
Suicide bomber
kernelzklukz
Stripper
IngrahamLincoln
Telephone operator
gallowsRenegade
Pawn shop owner.
SandpaperCock
AgolfHiller
Street robber
IAmTheBadW01f
Mime
SecretlySkeletonHitler
Tom Brady
jaminjimmyjames
Pfft. He can just use one of his burner phones. He'll be alright.
easybrz
Mid-wife
Werewolph
Brock Samson
Framperton
Fighter Pilot.
thisusernameisdefinitelyirrelevant
Chimpanzee
CorneliusCornwall
Fry cook
thisiskissel
A mirror
GreedyJungle
Ice road trucker
Weentit
Neuro surgeon
ToenailCheeseMan
These are all great!
wilhelmsen
Terrorist
HypnoChanger
Better than pilot. "This is your captain speaking; we're going to be making a slight detour through the local hospital..."
DoctorWh0m
Plot Twist: OP's dad is a cell phone
GeorgeHWBushsGhost
Vocalist for Nickelback
RootAccess
amputee arms seller in mozambique
DwightKnight
Amish
LookingForWorkInColorado
Colonoscopy reviewer.
NotAMeatPopsicle
Douglas Quaid and none of this is real.
MyFavoriteThingtoDoisFlakeOnPlans
What's wrong with having your phone as ATC?
SlothArmy
A goat
SuitcaseJefferson
Darude Sandstorm
LittleMsSparkles
Pregnate
ProxyPlayerHD
https://i.gyazo.com/5047fded9c3ddb1cd15f4862553358d7.png
heterocera
I think OP's job is to be in the 8th grade.
Maldraek
Pregnate designate OP2.
snakeoilsalesman
She's been impregnanted.
spacestationnumberfive
Preggasaraus Rex
gameboypocket
Trying to decide which spice girl I wanna impregnate
MyHumourProbablyIsntForYou
Impregnated?
TheElusiveEnchilada
Pragnet
Zuphalas
Just assume it's a pun and the kid's name is Nate. Then OP is Witty
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
Yes
Bossdogs
*Preglant. FIFY
JacaByte
Rhymes with karate
MunsterZero
Noot noot
Yamusa
*brutally* HIM
hotfezz
ohh bitch. now I can see it too
ashmenon
@OP got a text saying "impregnate me" and exclaims out loud "I'M PREGNATE?! ME?!"
DemonKiller44
Give him a break the guy is probably sleep deprived because of the anticipation
Munashiimaru
Nate, preg. The Pregnator.
anitabieror6
yeah. you impregnate someone then theyre pregnate. what's the problem? lol
Alisterfiend
She's natekdup?
IAMLEGENDDDDDD
9 months in and he still hasn't figured it out lol
fatfury
ill pregnate yousguyz
fatfury
ill pregnate yousguyz
shumshumschlippetydop
I upvoted you from 666 to 667, you're welcome
LittleMsSparkles
You da real mvp
Deoan
How is babby formed. How girl get pregnate.
mynewcharacter
There it is!
LiterallyYourMom
I am truely sorry for your lots.
lolcanoguy
They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys. becuse these babby cant frigth back?
FisterMantastic
All the yes.
JayEnfield
Yes! It was on the news this mroing.
Flyndaran
Dolan's GF?
accountjustforcommenting
Same exact thought , upvoted, one of the best early internet videos
Neoqueto
First you need to have an organism inside her virginia.
AnythingMuchShorter
What if i have an orgasm in west Virginia, am I in the clear?
ThePickle
Yes, but you have to pay extra for that
ICanDoTheBananaSplitz
I am not a smart man
Yesaye94
https://media.giphy.com/media/AKaEfzaLlr0yI/giphy.gif
FXTPD
Well she's pregnant so we gathered that ;) 0 kids 3 money.
InboxMeYourHDGIFs
RogerWoodhouse
But are you Sam?
NiceTimeIsland
Well, atleast you can do the banana splitz.
BoopBoopDEEDoop
Smart enough to make a baby at least
NoIdidntsayAbeLincolnIsaidHeyBlinkin
OP fail English? That's unpossible!
lafemmenikita
But obviously very caring. You're gonna be a great dad!
BlackHawk44
Best wishes on future fatherhood and my condolences to your sleep
Snooj
At least you don't have kids.
frobert
That's why you're wife's pregnate
MemesTittiesandKitties
At least you admit it OP
ImaLumberjackAndImAlrightAlrightAlright
He's the god damn paderfermilius
Stigmagne
You spelled samrt wrong.
DickCheneytheDefilerBanned
Is that how you made a baby?
garliconiondillcheeseplease
CommentMalone
userwithnoname1122
Takes a big man to say he's not smart. +1
freebodydiagram
Takes a bigger man to make fun of that man.
deputoff
-Socrates?
STGxDante
It takes a wise man to realize he's not smart.
jmoneyawyeah
for you
CapnReach
And I am that big man
Veszy
Hi not a smart man I'm dad
MunsterZero
Impregnated the wife, that's good.
trunks613
Lol, hopefully baby takes after mom then!
HxCNative
human8060
Science recently said intelligence comes from mom, so in this case, yay...lol
KireinaKurishii
Oh no.
AlkeneThiol
No it didn't. Show me your source
human8060
http://distractify.com/geek/2016/09/14/thanks-mom
human8060
Try google before you jump to "No it didn't".
human8060
https://www.fatherly.com/kids-health-and-development/kids-intelligence-inherited-mother/
human8060
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB835919711841023500
LassKibble
How about you show him a source that says otherwise? If you want to dispute a claim, that burden is on you.
human8060
https://drkeithwitt.com/males-inherit-more-intelligence-from-mothers-63/