TheBigLetdown
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Feb 17, 2018 6:33 PM
TheBigLetdown
104403
1619
36
TheRapeTrainConductor10
Lul
DifferentStates
Well Lewis wasn't going anywhere... So grab the turtles!
PersonaAuGratin
Turtles are easy to pick up, Lewis is just dead, twitching, weight.
SpqrMcmlxxxvi
It's what Lewis would have done. He was very concerned about those turtles.
CaffeineManic
Sounds like Lewis is beyond help.
LegendaryKatman
I was trying to piece all these batshit crazy variables together thinking OP was going to combine them into a song lyric and troll us.
TheClockworkBird
The turtles were related to getting in trouble, maybe?
Denamic
It's fairly sound reasoning. Deal with what you know you can do first.
AtsaMattaForYou
rbudrick
Lewis irl
Tassyr
... Is no one going to comment on the fucking pigeon? The fuck?
Snooj
I read the last few lines and what I took from this story is some kid split his head open and turtles fell out.
CaptainSilver42
Too bad this was probably before the whole 'I like turtles" meme
StupidIdeaMaschine
Tuurtles could escape, Lewis could not. I get the logic behind it.
rvcaptn
you were helping lewis he wanted you to get the turtles and you instinctively knew that
MerToo
Yah, it's what he would have wanted.
Oxymuncher
He knew Lewis would be dead if he lost the turtles! Higher odds of survival by ensuring no turtles are lost.
rvcaptn
yeah that is why lewis wanted him to get the turtles
TheHaloFollower
I was laughing and friends were curious so I tried to read this to them, but starting laughing about the end while reading the blood part-
TheHaloFollower
And now they think I’m crazy
EhIsForCanehdians
I think we all know why you didn't help Lewis.
chunkblaster
Undercover gene pool lifeguard?
Kelryn42
Replicant.
theoriginaljfizz
Oh Lewis. Anyway who wants to hear more about that pigeon huh?!?
MediaMuerte
Holden Caufield?
LordReptar
Askin’ the real questions!
SnartHelg
There was a news article about it five, ten years ago. The gist is a guy shot the pigeon with a blowgun for some reason but it survived.
malachitedragon
The one place it could do no harm. Because pigeons have no brain. They're really really really really really really dumb is what I'm saying.
rostrom
Thanks for answers this in such a timely manner.
metalfoto
Same here. +1 he lived
whatupmyknitters
D:
SerOddgar
Don't you dare feel bad for that pigeon! He is a known adulterist and new age media manager!
PhunsukhWangdu
Turtles are actually pretty quick.
somenerandom
Certain species can do short bursts of decent speed, but they're generally pretty non-fast. Studies have shown that box turtles, the >
somenerandom
variety that's most commonly kept as pets, rarely go mre than like 90 meters per day.
Lookyalurker
Holden: The tortoise lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs trying to turn itself over. But it can't.
Lookyalurker
Holden: Not with out your help. But you're not helping. Leon: Whatya means, I'm not helping?
Lookyalurker
Holden: I mean you're not helping! Why is that, Leon?
SirJaeger
Blade Runner!
DarkSock
“I’ll tell you about my mother…”
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
“...he didn't tell me about his mother” - Holden, sucking dinner through a straw.
FrankPerkele
Mindhunter?
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Blade Runner (orig): https://youtube.com/watch?v=Umc9ezAyJv0
FrankPerkele
Oh goddammit yes, obviously!
Andalite
I...Catcher in the Rye?
Lookyalurker
Bladerunner- interesting guess, tho!
CharlieTangoRomeo
Oh I thought it was small gods by terry pratchett
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Because Holden Caulfield, I guess.
JBerg003
Obviously 4chan but where can I find the stories like these on 4chan?
Thefordmechanic
Reddit r/greentext all of the funny now with 20% less cancer
Rifneno
Have a random one I enjoy:
TheBigLetdown
They're going to appear randomly. Either on YLYL, best of or greentext threads. On different boards but mostly /b/
Kllrc7
You should never tell some one to go to /b/
TheBigLetdown
I know but it will be a learning experience and sometimes that place sucks you in. So it will be an adventure
Kllrc7
It's basically filled with child porn tho
TheBigLetdown
Nah. Not really. A lot of furry and trap porn now though. It was never great but it has funny things once in a while.