Y'all About To Learn Some D&D

Will you skip the post, downvote, tl;dr, or actually give it a go?

Over the past few months, I’ve seen countless memes featuring our friend Gary Gygax grace the front page and usersub. Some were stories of what could’ve actually happened in someone’s Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Others are straight up memes, such as a scenario that set up all us lurkers into another tree fiddy scheme by the Loch Ness Monster. I just love these memes and upvote every one that makes me chuckle. But over time, I couldn’t help but notice that some of these memes were being made by people who clearly don’t play the game.

We all know those kinds of people, the people who try to tell a joke about a subject to relate to something without actually knowing the source material, only the gist of it. And to other people who also only know very minimal basics, the jokes can still be funny. Maybe I’m the only D&D player who thinks this, but the more that I see these memes made that get the mechanics of the game wrong, the less funny the punchline is by the time I get to the end. I appreciate the effort, but I just say to myself “That’s not how things work.”

So I wanted to put together an album for you guys who want to learn a little bit more of the basics of D&D. Now, this album is not going to teach you how to play by any means, just clear up some misconceptions that I’ve seen in a lot of memes and tell you a bit about what D&D is all about. If you actually wanna learn how to play D&D, go to your local comic book store, hobby shop, or websites such as Roll20.net and meet people. D&D is a social game and we love to welcome new players.

And as a disclaimer, I’m no D&D veteran. I’ve only been playing for about 2 years and I largely play version 3.5. I’ve only glanced at other version of D&D and Pathfinder, but I would presume it is safe to say that they mostly work the same (but I can easily be wrong). So the information I pass out will be relating to D&D 3.5. On top of that, “House Rules” are a thing, so people are free to follow the core rules as much or as little as they want (heck, it is even encouraged in the core books themselves that not everything has to be followed 100%), so a lot of this follows pretty standard ways of playing. Without further ado, let’s begin talking about the game itself.

Nothing beats the feeling of a physical D&D book.

The first thing you should know of D&D is that it is a complex game that grants players more freedom than what any video game on the market can provide. The only limit of this game is essentially your imagination. However, this doesn’t mean you can do anything whenever you want. Just like in our world where we are restricted by laws of the universe, the world of D&D is restricted by the core rules. If you want to murder an entire town, expect opposition. If you want to jump this gap, you might trip on a stone and fall. For the basics, a player needs simply to reference the Player’s Handbook, while the Dungeon Master need to also reference the Dungeon Master’s Guide and Monster Manual (or at least their online variations or PDFs.)

A good Dungeon Master won’t let you do whatever you want, though a good one will certainly let you make the attempt, even if the idea is completely stupid. This is the region where legends are made. Whether you crit fail by thinking it is a good idea to jump onto the head of a charging triceratops or you become the hero of the battlefield by catching a giant ballista bolt and using it as a bat, these are the moments we all live for.

This is also where we see a bunch of memes, be it true or false. When a meme just nails all the little mechanical details right in the story, I just find it that much more funny. But when a meme just goes and makes up what they think is a mechanic or how something works when it is not a thing in the core game, the joke just kinda falls flat. So let’s get to the misconceptions I see in some D&D memes.

Yes, they're natural.

As mentioned above, the nat20 or nat1 rolls (when your roll a 20 sided die and either get a 20 or a 1 before any modifiers are applied) are stuff of legends, which create some of the most epic or hilarious situations you will ever come across in the game. But because of how much us players hype up these incidents, I feel a lot of people who don’t play the game automatically just assume that a nat20 is always an instant win and a nat1 are always an instant fail.

In reality, that is not always the case. While with attack rolls and similar actions, this is true. Nat20s are the best and nat1s are the worst, regardless of modifiers. But most people play that when it comes skill checks, the nat20 critical win and the nat1 epic fails do not apply. A person could actually get a nat20 and things may not go in their favor regardless. This stuff is more common in late game and if a particular skill modifier is too low, not even a nat20 can help you.

The opposite is true, as one could roll a nat1, but still achieve what they were looking to do. An example is a character of mine who has a +21 skill modifier on Listen skill checks. More than likely, even if he gets a nat1 on a roll, he still has a 22 on listen in the end and will most likely hear whatever is going on if he has to make that check. And it is just silly that if someone nat1s a listen check, blood gushes from their ears or something.

Basically, it all comes down to breaking the limit of what your DM has in store. There is no automatic failures or successes from such things in skill check dice rolls, but it can be so from your skill modifiers.

There are a ton of skills. I won’t list them all as it’ll be too long, so to sum it up is this: Battle situations and save rolls for your Will, Fortitude, and/or Reflex are subject to critical wins or epic fails. Skill checks are not.

Some studies suggest that if you stay in place when a bull charges at you, it won’t actually ram you.

Probably the most common mistake I’ve seen in countless memes is that you roll to dodge. In most standard battle instances, there is no such thing as rolling to dodge. Instead, the games have a fundamental mechanic called the Armor Class, or "AC" for short. When you try to attack an enemy, you make an attack roll first to see if your attack even connects. Should your attack roll meet or exceed a target’s given AC, then your attack hits. After that, you then roll your damage.

As a player, you too also have your own AC. The opponents follow the same rules as you do, where they have to make an attack roll equal to or greater than your AC to hit. Because of how redundant it would be to have attack rolls against general defense rolls in most given instances, the AC was created as a fixed number to represent your chances of being hit by an attack. (Probably. I didn't make the game.)

However, that’s not to say “dodge rolls” don’t exist at all. When in battle, you just go based off the AC. Yet if you were to open a door and it was rigged with some sort of dart trap, you may have an opportunity to make a save roll, which I mentioned previously. Your character may be asked to make a Reflex save, to see if they’re able to get out of the way of this surprise trap that was just sprung on them. Should you meet or beat the number the DM has set for the difficulty to avoid this trap, it determines whether or not you dodged this trap. This is because a trap doesn’t have all the same stats that a monster/player character would, stuff like your strength and dex and con and all that good stuff. So it is simplified a bit to just make it a Reflex save.

And no, if you were attacked by, say, a goblin and it broke your AC, you can’t say you’d like to make a Reflex save to dodge the attack. If it broke your AC, it pretty much means your presumed natural attempt to dodge failed. Unless you just choose not to dodge and take it like a man.

Again, D&D is a rather complex game and not every instance will be the same. Your AC might save you, or it might not, but you’re told to make a Reflex save anyway because of some secondary effect or the like. But for the most part, if some big brute is taking a swing at you, you don’t roll to dodge. You just let them make an attack roll and hope they don’t break your AC.

Schrödinger's Campaign: Where the game simultaneously does and doesn’t revolve around the players.

As far as I’m informed, a good Dungeon Master can warp the entire world around the players and their actions. Wherever they wish to venture, the DM must craft the world as they go, like as if it has been there the entire time. All the NPCs, always living their lives, dealing with their problems. Anything that helps the world be just that bit more immersive is good for a campaign. How the story unfolds depends upon the actions of the players.

But at the same time, there will (or should) always be some things that are out beyond the control of the players. Maybe they can’t save every person the come across or react to any given situation the way they want that would best benefit them. After all, we've all had times in life that in the heat of a moment, we acted one way when we actually wanted to act another.

In a lot of the memes, I often see where the players are essentially given a lot more opportunities to get a positive or desired result than what should really be allowed, especially in a combat situation. Combined with the previously mentioned AC from above for an example, if someone is attacking your character, breaks your AC, you don’t get to save yourself by saying something like “I grapple at the opponent and attempt to throw them to the ground before their blade is plunged into my chest.” In most average situations, this is not how it works.

The game is ultimately a game where you take turns. Even your opponents get a turn. This is what rolling for initiative is all about; you’re rolling for who takes turns in what order. When an opponent is attacking you, you have a very limited choice as to what you can do in this time most of the time. Not that you just have to sit and wait. You might be able to get an attack of opportunity if the conditions are met, or you can spring a particular action that you readied in advance on your last turn for in response for if you do happen to be attacked. But if you do not specifically ready such an action on your turn, you don’t get to do some of these things. D&D is all about tactics and planning things out in advance. Otherwise, this whole thing pretty much turns into a pretend gun fight with kids where they go “I got you! You’re dead! “Nu-uh!” “Uh-huh!” “Nu-uh!” “Uh-huh!”

And if your DM is presenting you with all these moments to get out of these situations a whole lot, then they might not be doing their position right. The DM is neither for the players, nor against them. They are the absolute true neutral of the game. If you throw a bowling ball up in the air, they are to be the gravity that pulls it back down, even if that means it might come crashing down on your skull. Not that your DM can’t be merciful now and then, but a DM that is too kind can hurt things and ruin a game. A proper DM isn’t always going to let you have an escape. That’s just how the game goes. Sometimes being fair just doesn't seem fair.

Page 75 of your D&D Player’s Handbook v. 3.5 is where you will find my secret tax payment.

That’s all I can think about off the top of my head of misconceptions I’ve noticed in the D&D memes. Yeah, I know I’m being nitpicky, but I just had to say. Nothing tends to ruin a good joke more than sometimes knowing the source material and know the joke was told wrong, but you hold your tongue to try and be nice, attempting to go with it.

Now go forth, D&D meme enthusiasts! I will continue to upvote you if it makes me chuckle! Let the games begin, and may your rolls be ever natural!