9 Life hacks that cost money (cool expensive products you probably dont have yet)

#1 Bidet

#1 Bidet
Price: $30
Link: http://amzn.com/B009ZLRSJ6
Gifsauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMlyrdR1Uwg

One of my top recommendations for improving your life, is making sure you can shit well, and clean that shit off well. If you've got poo problems you're not gonna be a happy person. So for the first #LifeHackThatCostsMoney, both for the sake of your hygiene and saving money on toilet paper, get a bidet.

#2 Squatty Potty

#2 Squatty Potty
Price: $25
Link: http://amzn.com/B008G9B11E
Gifsauce: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q

Think this thing is weird? It sort of is, but its healthy as fuck, and will help you shit like a motherfucker. Now, don't get me wrong, I hate having white plastic anywhere in my house, I wish I could get everything made out of stainless steel, obsidian or slate, but the utility of these things really makes up for being unsightly - because being healthy makes you less unsightly anyway.

#3 VOIP

#3 VOIP hardware, such as Ooma or a Google Voice VOIP Box
Ooma
Price: $100
Link: http://amzn.com/B00I4XMEYA
or
OBi200 VoIP Phone Adapter, T.38 Fax
Price: $50
Link: http://amzn.com/B00BUV7C9A

Before children start yelling at me about how they all have phones untethered to primitive phone line or some fuckin shit like that, calm down and let me explain. VOIP is where it's at, plug the fucking hardware into the fucking internets via a fucking ethernet cable to make and receive fucking free phone fucking calls - it's irresponsible to have your only means of communication being email or a mobile phone. Utilizing this VOIP hardware you can receive and make calls free for eternity until Galactus destroys earth. Set up your google voice or your Ooma at your home, or home office, or whatever, the only cost to you is the hardware itself and you get to do free calls with no subscriptions. No primitive phone line shit, no stupid paying for shit, just buy the hardware, plug in a fancy lookin phone thing, and you're good to go. It's pretty awesome to come home to a box thing you can simply press a button to listen to your voicemails while you check your fridge for some food or whatever.

#4 Free Talk/Text/Data Service on mobile phone

#4 Free Service on your mobile phone
Freedompop
Price: $100
Link: http://www.freedompop.com

Be careful with this one, if you talk or text or surf a lot, you're probably better off just doing whatever expensive monthly plan shit you're already doing. But I like to save money, I don't have a lot of friends, and I like to cut corners. You can't exceed your minutes/texts/data limit or else you'll be charged some small amount, otherwise it's 100% free. I have been utilizing these douchebags for 2 years.

*Warning, Freedompop is pretty fuckin douchey, please use a prepaid debit card to buy your phone/service from freedompop, because there's pretty much a guarantee they will try to charge you for SOMETHING even if you don't exceed the talk, text or data limits. As long as you're willing to live within the talk/text/data limitations all is well and free.

#5 The Workout Phone that can't be stolen

#5 Samsung Galaxy Gear S - a watch phone
Price: ~$90-$229 (depends where you buy it)

This is part smartwatch, part phone, and it's perfect for going for a workout. You can activate this as a phone independently without any other smartphone to connect it to, but you'll need a galaxy device to activate it from the get-go, you can either utilize someone else's galaxy device, or simply go to an AT&T store and have them activate it using a galaxy device. Using some other galaxy device, I use a Galaxy Tab 4, you can put music on it. When I go for a workout I bring a bluetooth headset and wear this watch and I'm good to go, no need to worry about shit getting stolen or whatever.

There's no way you can lose it or break it, you can still accept calls and it's waterproof.

#6 Internet only, ditch the rest

#6 Get only internet service, you need nothing else
Price: ~$50-$300/mo

Seriously, get rid of your xfinity triforce tv phone directv packages bullshit, holy fuck its so primitive! Join modernity and stop all subscriptions to anything but the internet, you need nothing more, internet is life, internet is love, we're all connected, stardust etc.

Get your VOIP, get your free cell service, and most importantly, pirate all the shit you want to watch. "Whoa! you're asking me to pirate hurr durr?"...Yes...You don't need "TV" or whatever its called these days, sure, go buy yourself a massive 65" HDTV, then hook it up to a computer or a cheap media center and start your downloads!

Most shows will be uploaded within an hour after airing, so you can get your Game of Thrones fix for merely the cost of internet, and sometimes get a great bonus like last season when the first several GoT episodes were leaked before airing!

I use Deluge, kat.cr (kickass torrents) and media player classic

Netflix is also great.

#7 Improve quality of sleep with a hammock

#7 Get a Hammock
Hammock
Price: $64
Link: http://amzn.com/B002UP0R2O

Indoor Hammock Hanging Kit
Price: $25
Link: http://amzn.com/B00DVE2AW8

Few things can improve the quality of your sleep like sleeping in a hammock, if you're fortunate enough to be able to install one in your home, it not only saves space in the house but it will impact your life immensely.

Just google why it's better, it's healthy as fuck, trust me http://lmgtfy.com/?q=health+benefits+of+sleeping+in+a+hammock

#8 Hovding - Airbag for Cyclists

#8 Hovding - The airbag for cyclists
Price: ~$330
Link: http://www.hovding.com/

This is the coolest thing I have bought since the Emotiv Insight EEG, and now when I ride my bicycle I don't have to look super gay with a helmet or get helmet hair (I don't mean gay as in homo, I mean gay as in stupid). The only problem is it took me 40 days before I got mine, and you'll likely have to use a forwarding service like I did if you live in the USA - because they don't ship directly to the USA.

#9 Cyberith Virtualizer - getting not fat as a gamer has never been easier and more expensive

#9 Cyberith Virtualizer or the Virtuix Omni
Price: Cyberith Virtualizer - $800
Price: Virtuix Omni - $700
Links:
http://cyberith.com
http://www.virtuix.com/

The Virtualizer is truly remarkable because it actually looks cool, and one of the things I am greatly concerned about is whether or not something is unsightly.

The Virtuix Omni appears to offer the same functionality, but it looks like a plastic toy to me

Now of course you had best pair this with a good VR headset, and while I've pre-ordered the HTC Vive and the Cyberith Virtualizer, you'll get roughly the same experience with the Oculus and the Virtuix Omni

HTC Vive: $830
Oculus Rift: $600