SunFire88
376225
10158
372
I laughed for 5 mins at this
Feb 28, 2017 11:26 PM
SunFire88
376225
10158
372
I laughed for 5 mins at this
gottaCorrect
This is fake - nobody on tumblr has jobs/coworkers
VoidofLostKnowledge
For any curious would-be D&D players, I'd like to suggest Roll20. It's easy to find games and most people welcome new players and help them.
Plaaant
If he did some stupid minmaxing bullshit like that, it was Pathfinder
grandfalloon
Yeah, I literally built this same character when 4e released the Minotaur as a race. *CLOMP CLOMP* "You didn't see SHIT!"
ReverseTrapTsukasa
We need a Grogg, Garg, & MoonSlicer story about finding a repaired Storm Quiver. Chapter 1- Smoke in the Distance. Chapter 2-Grogg Trains.
ReverseTrapTsukasa
Chapter 3- Garg's Hatch-lings. Chapter 4- Guard Captain Moon Slicer. Chapter 5- The Empty Hallway. Chapter 6-Toothpicks.
OwlFarm
Reminds me of the Grand Galactic Inquisitor from Venture Brothers. IGNORE ME!
Chrixzy
This is litterally the character Manask from Stonewielder (Malazan book by Ian Esslemont)
BlahBlahDinks
Is he related to Krod from the significantly longer and more detailed green text on 4chan?
whogivesadarn
I think he misheard Krod. Or he's stupid.
aoimori
IGNORE ME!
Bsdemigod
My friend's thief, Robin Goodfellow, was an orc. Pick pocket was STR to shake target by the leg, point to what fell and say 'MINE'.
necroticon
Robin Goodfellow -
v
TacoFire
That's not how Bluff works at all
GregoriusDaneli
That's pretty good. But my favorite D&D tale will probably always be the day that "Los Tiburon", Shark of the Land got to Level 4.
xSaltyPenguinx
,
accordingtotheDM
I'll allow it
stormtrooper412
OP plz nerf
LttleSnek
@Bowmeister
TakNoPants
Orcs lose some charisma though... also when they leave the area the person would just alert everyone else
likemarkin
fmsrttm
I can hear the music he's humming
amyrose
AAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaa
Tinycuddlefish
bubitty bum ba ba badada. baaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA
OopsImAPumpkin
We were sneaking out of town once when our bard stumbled into a guard. Long story short, our characters formed a metal band.
Hymeria
I just joined in a campaign. I'm the cutest little elf. With an intimidation of 16. Plus another 8 from various buffs. I can only fail a 1/2
Hymeria
intimidation check if I get a nat 1. 2/2
seigmannen
I am so stealing this for my own games.
tzap
Players doing stuff like this is why I've never wanted to actually play DnD. I'm scared it'll just detoriate to a complete joke with no RP.
CommodoreSkippy
It depends on the group. My current group has a fair mix of comedy and storytelling. Previous groups have been all serious RP. I like both.
tzap
Well of course the other half of the why is that I don't have friends :( At least not ones who'd do pen'n'paper. Even have rulebooks myself.
mormacil
This can be properly roleplayed :P
tzap
Well, I don't think a DM should really allow rolls like above at all. They are supposed to be able to determine modifiers themselves.
mormacil
The above is a retelling of an actual green text that makes more sense.
mightymorphinforeskin
I had a Dwarf named Sexasorusrex who would throw a Hobbit as a weapon.
NiceMediumSizedPenis
I just played my first DnD game ever last night. We set a tavern on fire, one of my allies challenged a guard to a fight to let us go.
NiceMediumSizedPenis
I promptly shot him in the back killing him in the middle of said 1v1 with my ally(dick move) we tried to escape climbing onto a roof.
NiceMediumSizedPenis
I cut the rope with an arrow which forced us to find an exit instead. Needless to say I'm a dick.
BayazTheBenevolent
Lifted clean from a very old greentext.
NerdN1
Deadlands game. Friend's F character tries to ask an NPC out for a drink w/ seduction to distract him. Fails, badly. My M scary gunslinger>>
NerdN1
told the NPC we were going to have a beer, he declined. Repeated the statement in deadly serious voice with a scary edge. >>
NerdN1
My friend was ashamed that the scary, disfigured bastard was able to distract a man better than her. >>
NerdN1
Before she tried this I insisted that she carry protection... by handing her ONE of my holdout derringers. I had a lot of guns.
ArdentSlacker
Ahh, the derringer. Less damage and accuracy than a thrown bottle, and if the bottle's not totally empty, it holds more shots. ;)
NerdN1
I had .45 derringers. Since they based damage solely on bullet size in the game, they had fine stopping power, but bad range & 2 shots.
NerdN1
2) Also, I had some slightly dangerous improved rounds in the derringer I didn't lend out. That one was in a spring holster, just in case.
GildedFox
Don't often see Deadlands mentioned! Actually running a game right now. Though this story reminds me of a separate game where a friend's 1/3
ArdentSlacker
I have all the books. I <3 the fuck outta Deadlands. First system to nullify my dice curse.
NerdN1
Deadlands Classic or Savage Worlds? I played Classic and prefer it to the Savage Worlds system.
ArdentSlacker
Same. More dice = consistent victory. Bigger dice = bigger victory. And I even checked the statistics. From d4 through d12, your odds do 1+
ArdentSlacker
2/2 get better for getting bigger numbers, even with one die.
GildedFox
straight male character failed a roll to get full control of a spirit meant to help with social skills, which resulted in him being 2/3
GildedFox
a bit more "loose" socially, wound up seducing two male priests into going to the bar so the party could get past them. 3/3
NerdN1
Deadeye Bill had 2 strengths: 1) RIDICULOUS duel-wielding shooting (reliably puts 4 bullets in your face in an action). >>
NerdN1
2) Being scary as fuck. He had 2 hindrances and 2 edges for being scary. -4 to friendly social rolls, +8 to unfriendly ones.
NerdN1
One time we had these creepy spider things made of fingers crawling over the party. I would shoot them off 4 at a time.
Inhuman87
There's a greentext about this. Tumblr OP is likely lying.
[deleted]
[deleted]
throwAwayforfunsiesandevulz
Thank you sir, you enlightened me to see it all in a better way.
Sheepyhead
Because it's such an original idea no way has two different people tried this
theonlyconsistantthinginlifeisitsinconsistancy
DoomSkuller
or maybe the 4chan OP made that based on this ¯\_(ツ)_/ ¯
ratfinkfuck
this is years newer
vauhtihirmu
Maybe 4chan OP is the coworker who told the story retold here.
elyeisii
workINbrogress
everything on the internet is real
CentaurForDiseaseControl
Or you guys can just not care...
hawkesnightmare
Or one story influenced the actual creation of the character for use in future campaigns.
StevieMcSteveface
Don't care, funny is still funny
SkeletonsLoveBooty
A buddy of mine ran a shadow run charcter with a similar concept. He was a half orc luchador.
ccorwind
Does anyone have a link?
friskynothingness
I've got a few, what are you looking for? You have coin?
whatmustido
I collect a lot of great DnD greentexts. They're fun. Here's the orc rogue:
eroso
Alternative possibilities: A) Same guy who wrote the green text B) His friend had copied the strategy from someone C) You are the one lying
eroso
D) Two or more different people have used this same strategy without knowing of eachoters E) This is all just a dream
KeeleonOhms
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam's_razor
Xenarion
F) Greentext was a copy of this.
LazyLuppy
G) They're both copies of a more obscure post on this event
vitorsly
H) 4chan OP saw this post, went back in time and posted his greentext story before Tumblr OP
DukeDarkwood
H) The bear was so good at his disguise that he ran the orc intimidation rogue.
gleely
Is it the wereboar one?
ediblecock
Part of being an adult is realizing all the greatest jokes start on 4chan then get regurgitated for years by satellite sites like reddit
Jusmar
What does knowing that 4chan was the genesis of most memes for a while create an adult?
[deleted]
[deleted]
TheChickLoverMagnetron
Intimidate the wood, brilliant.
yourmomisminenow
>angry carpenter
WellshitIcantThinkofAusername
DiscipleOfAnorak
So great lol
fleshcrafterAngel
You are a follower of fluffy coats?
Lillfot
That was a fucking rollercoaster of emotions. YOU NO SEE KROD!
ThoughtfulSatan
KROD CHOSE SURPRISE
eskamobob1
link to it? that sounds fantastic
[deleted]
[deleted]
eskamobob1
awesome! ty!
MandaloreTheDefiler
I have it saved on my computer. I'll link when I find it.
MechaNinja
http://imgur.com/Ga923
MegatronSays
.
ZOMGNO
The link is to Sir Bearington, for those who know all of the famous green texts off by heart
iguessidontknowhowtospellimaganative
If this is the link to the green text is not working
icookfoodandfightfire
works fine for me
Winterhathcome
It's a different one
7heBored
It's working for me
HavocJester
Yall got anymore of them dnd greentexts
rockhammered
Oh, buddy... do I have news for you. https://www.reddit.com/r/DnDGreentext/
WellshitIcantThinkofAusername
Sweet baby Jesus.
xaviouswolffe
Oh my... Christmas came early this year!
iwantacoolnametoocatsandstuff
...
RachaTwat
.
iwantacoolnametoocatsandstuff
I need to save this for later, thanks
marmotosaur
goodbye, productive day! or week, actually.
BatmanRidingANarwhal
Tyvm
celestedrake
Yay! ...But this makes me want to talk about my own characters and games...
DustyMcKnuckles
I'm listening.... If you let me tell you about some cool shit that happened when I was playing a firefly based pen and paper rpg...
celestedrake
I would love to hear about it.
WellshitIcantThinkofAusername
Do eet
JamaicanSauce
I don't know how to play DnD, I'd like to secretly think I'm too cool for that shit, but deep down I really want to learn how to play it
OzmaAsimov
I recommend other RPGs, such as Savage Worlds or Legend of the Five Rings. D&D is a dinosaur, stuck in its outdated ideas.
Burke616
Are you cooler than Vin Diesel? Then learn and enjoy, my friend.
BuggritMilleniumHandandShrimp
Def give it a shot! Just started this year and am having a great time. Try Critical Role or for a shorter adventure, Force Grey for inspo.
toast667
I felt the same thing but I started playing pathfinder(same thing basically, just an older edition of dnd) and it's my new favorite thing.
CuppaTeaWix
Thats the funny thing i thought it was all ways really nerdy but wanted to do it, when i brought it up to my mates they were unsure but down
SJ1351
Too cool? Vin Diesel plays dnd, you arent cool enough.
OldIronsides
I'd like to, but have not friends...
toast667
It's real fun when you figure out how to break the game. I'm the stealthiest rogue, I can look you jn the eyes and you can't see me
justherefortheshitposting
I played D&D with a group of rich jocks once, DMed by a madman. Trust me, playing with D&D nerds>being cool, even if you RP while being cool
Kappa043
I play with my Army buddies. Turns out if you act like it's cool, people just assume it is.
Sirscrap
i dont have friends
MartyAdams
You can be cool and play dnd for sure. The cool part is not giving a fuck about what people think. And a leather jacket helps too.
HumanFlag
Freaks and Geeks
Enoan
Leather jackets are great, AC 11+Dex mod, 12+Dex mod if it's studded.
Llama7
A leather trenchcoat on the other hand...Results may vary.
JamaicanSauce
Lmao, Thanks bruv! I think it's cool knowing others do too. I need a new leather jacket now
ducklingsuck
Same. I just don't know any one.
PinkyandtheBane
Roll20 bra. I've been looking for another group, my current one doesn't meet up that often.
blueflyingbear
Roll20 son. Google it. And start a discord acc.
barbwirelove
if you got skype, i can put you in touch with a lot of people that play online and have all the resources to send you shit for free
LaforgeMRA
I wanted to try after listening to The Adventure Zone but the 5E books were like $50 each
MisterFifth
If Google 5e starter books ,there should be a Google drive with a couple of the starter books in it ,if not pm me email and Ill share it
adobesubmarine
Pathfinder (aka edition 3.75) is the way to go. Materials are cheap or free, and there's SO MUCH material written for it.
BandmasterBootysnatcher
I recommend playing with 3rd edition books.
LaforgeMRA
That's what I was thinking I would have to do
HailtotheGM
I picked up paperback versions of the Pathfinder Core rulebook & Bestiary from my local game shop for under $50. Everything you need to play
Elembiuos
3.5 . . .
khaozknight
The 5E SRD while limited, is free. For Pathfinder there's a lot of material on d20pfsrd.com. You can try Roll20 to find games online or 1/2
khaozknight
You can go to your FLGS to try and find some Pathfinder Society play. All you n̲e̲e̲d̲ is 1 Core Rulebook. 2/2
LaforgeMRA
Thanks, I'll look into these
DevilsShad0w
Listen to a dnd podcast or watch a youtube/twitch show. You'll pick up the basics quite quickly. I recommend Critical Role. Its on YouTube
shirtlessteo
I suggest Glass Cannon Podcast. Great 1 hour shows with invested players and lots of hilarious moments and awesome role playing
JamaicanSauce
Will do
OopsImAPumpkin
I also recommend Aquisitions Incorporated, also on Youtube
DevilsShad0w
I still havent watched Acquisitions Inc. Have too many other series to catch up on him :(
OopsImAPumpkin
Acq Inc is good, but its been on for like 10+ years (one every year) The best place to start is the web series they did recently
DoctorWhoots420
I imagine critical role's character Grog doing this, I assume it would turn out a lot more hilarious( if you like d&d watch critical role)
SomewhatOxygenated
I was imagining Pug from Roll4It's first Shadowrun season
JMcLellan
I WOULD LIKE TO RAGE
CheerilyTossesRum
I... would... like... to... SNEAK
DoctorWhoots420
*rolls - 2*
BarMatt
Bidet.
DoctorWhoots420
Buhday.
Kerviel
https://www.twitch.tv/geekandsundry Every Thursday night at 7pm PST / 10PM EST
ImAPenguin13
That's basically what he is now, except he's also good at punching. Who needs lock picks when you have siege gauntlets
DoctorWhoots420
Dem titan stone knuckles tho
ImAPenguin13
They made doors his favored enemy
DoctorWhoots420
That's actually the whole groups worst enemy in my opinion lol. Grog shouldn't have too much of a problem, unless he rolls really shitty
BarMatt
Grog's intimidation attempt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOaslxt8wyc
DoctorWhoots420
This is perfect <3 buhday
Jessitca
Look, it's Orion! Omg that seems so long ago now!
DoctorWhoots420
I'm thinking of rewatching the series after this vid because I miss him too ;(
exponentiallymusical
Too bad he has shit charisma though lol
Pegussu
The DM houseruled that Intimidation can use strength b/c a hulking, monstrous, goliath barbarian being bad at intimidation is dumb.
CheerilyTossesRum
He has better charisma than Keylith
exponentiallymusical
But his intimidation rolls are almost already crap, which doesn't make much sense considering he's a Goliath barbarian.
DoctorWhoots420
He's a teddy goliath
JMcLellan
Yeah but in terms of social interaction Keyleth is borderline autistic so that's not saying much
DoctorWhoots420
HAHAHA okay I laughed way too hard at this, I hate how she is some times, but it just proves how they're perfect role players
CheerilyTossesRum
Keylith's character annoys me so much, and the fact that Marisha never reads her spells just compounds it
Enohpoxas
What is critical role? (I know shit about D&D)
urustai
Critical Role airs on https://www.twitch.tv/geekandsundry every Thursday at 7pm PST where a "bunch of nerdy voice actors play D&D"
SP00BLES
Holy shit, I've been binge watching it, IT'S GREAT. I knew close to nothing about D&D, and now I'm addicted. I just made the halfway mark :P
DoctorWhoots420
When I first watched it I was amazed at how Matt Mercer sculpted his little world, and made it Soo... Beautiful. Enjoy!
SP00BLES
He's truly talented. The range of voices he can do, and how he has the ability to immerse you into the world...he's frickin' awesome.
DoctorWhoots420
It's the first five I've ever "watched" a movie that completely happens in my mind. He's truly talented
DoctorWhoots420
Here's a link to their first recorded episode on twitch. https://www.youtube.com/shared?ci=RitTOHBf1mU
ShippityShop
.
PhilTheGoron
.
theozzir
.
FrogsForHands
Neat, thanks!
imadethisaccounttotellyouthis
Mind the shitty audio, it gets better.
DoctorWhoots420
Once you get past the shitty audio, and hear the amazing story they tell, it makes it all worth it lol
SamuraiChemist
Great show. Sometimes so hammy I wonder if they get mistaken visits from animal welfare. Sometimes deep enough to bring me to tears (1/2)
SamuraiChemist
"Is there an inscription?" "Yes....I have passed through fire" Still gets me.
ivoryashes
I highly suggest you watch it. I know a lot of people watch it and don't even play. It's just entertaining.
DoctorWhoots420
I didn't either before I watched it but it's so awesome. It's a live series on twitch, still going to this day, voice actors play d&d.
ArdentSlacker
Very very GOOD voice actors. The GM has been in everything. As everyone.
TheyCallMeATree
you may know him as McCree from overwatch
Birdco
Matt Mercer is a great voice actor and just as great DM
DoctorWhoots420
I'm so surprised how many Crit roll fans are commenting on my comment. THIS IS AWESOME! Btw Matt mercer makes that whole show in my opinion