Chowphat

3592 pts ยท July 27, 2021


Heavy irony - the president who was assassinated, asking about the files of the man who may have been assassinated, during the presidency of the boob everyone wants assassinated. Deep thoughts...

12 hours ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Sure, American bread is bad for you, but it took the French to make it into French Toast.

1 day ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 3

In the above video, we are shown an example of:
A) Hydrogelation,
B) Occlusion, or
C) A Cat

1 day ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

I parked my Chevy near my Levee but my Levee was tired.

1 day ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Mmmmm... Apple fritter.

Apple fritters are one of the few things in the pastry universe that are almost as good when they're a day old. Not that I've ever turned my back on a day-old doughnut.

1 day ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

If you've ever seen a goat crew that is used to clear overgrown areas, goats eat almost anything. Grass. Weeds. Blackberry bushes. Leaves. Kudzu. Small pine trees. Poison sumac. Raw beans. Asbestos. Nuclear waste. They can't eat rhododendrons, hemlock or laurel, though.

Farming scientists have often suggested we need to switch our tastes from cattle to goats...

1 day ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

#6 Perspective is important. While a massive, civilization destroying comet striking New York City is horrifying, pausing at about 60% in order to draw a tiny red arrow labeled "Trump Tower" changes this video to a thing of gentle whimsey.

Even the soulless universe is compelled to sh*t on his f**kery

2 days ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

I'll agree on three conditions: 1) It's catch-and-release, 2) I don't have to go back to the office until tomorrow, and 3) It's an apple fritter.

3 days ago | Likes 14 Dislikes 1

A human being trying to live their best life? Such a radical idea. We must stack the government against them in order to suppress their pursuit of happiness, or we will surely be forced to ... uh ... Leave them alone?

3 days ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Thus proving that, even among the highly educated and trained aerospace elite, there are some people who are compelled to fudge D&D rolls.

4 days ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Very nice, my old studio professor would have given you full credit for the lines alone. People don't appreciate the skill watercolors require.

4 days ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Please recover the 2016-2020 presidential file boxes from the spare bathroom first. I'm like most people, I like having something to read while I'm taking a dump.

4 days ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Cheese - a dog's natural food.

When I make myself a ham and cheese omelet my dog becomes unhinged.

4 days ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I'm bald, I look really stupid in eye shadow, and I know almost nothing about the natural sciences. Would it be acceptable for me to double up on the slut part?

4 days ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Saw the same thing, upvote for someone who knows what kerning is. Although I admit that InDesign and Quark are great ways to make a two page newsletter take 6 hours.

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Jeez, dude, I could almost hear Yoda admonishing you in the background. Remember, hate leads to suffering.

1 week ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 2

There is no 'i' in 'team'. But there is "Met 'em at ate me tame mate meta meat" in 'team', which is super confusing when you use that to reply to people who say, "There's no 'i' in 'team'."

1 week ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 1

My dog is a poodle / whippet / greyhound mix and I'm exhausted.

1 week ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

That's what winners do with an opportunity - they make it theirs and run with it.

1 week ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

When a smart leader is in over his head, the first thing he tells his senior staff is, "Tell me privately when I'm doing something wrong. Try to intercept my mistakes. Until I'm comfortable I'm going to call you in to answer questions, so be prepared.

Hegseth: "You're fired, n3wb. So p0wnage."

1 week ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

#3 I cannot afford the amount I'd be willing to pay for you to shovel my walk.

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

However, a strong support group, including family and friends, often means it will arrive sooner. Being surrounded by helpful people makes any venture easier.

1 week ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

From Earth. Headed around the moon. /s

1 week ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

I heard someone say to a Karen-type woman, "Do you remember when you spent $500 on your tattoo? Do you remember how cute your daughter looked when she died her hair pink? Do you remember your aunt freaking out when she found your cousin's dildo? Then shut-up about trans people, in 2020 they are no different from you." I'm a cis male, but the images in those statements really helped me focus what I already believed. Live your own life, and be good to people.

1 week ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 2

I am reminded of "The Truman Show". How awesome would it be to create "The Trump-man Show" and leave him in his own world-leader-pretend sound stage, where he could be and do and say anything, and we'd fabricate fake events from the nation and the world? And we could watch him be an orange cock-up on a 24-hour cable channel.

But even better would be to convince him that we're doing that now, and his money has been given to Melania and his cabinet and Secret Service detail are all actors.

1 week ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 1

I am reminded of a vendor at a local farmers market who would bake salmon or trout and sell it in little two-inch squares for people to take home for their cat. He would also add a bean-sized side of fresh basil, catnip or valerian, and he had lots of fiddly Etsy-type things for cats. I asked him if this was profitable, and he said, "Yes, a lot better than baking cookies or bread."

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

"Hello, Hooman. I'm not sure why you're sitting at your desk in front of the fizzy window, but I have come to sleep on the clicky-bed."

1 week ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Honestly, after 14 months of Trump while totally unmedicated, I'd prefer to be high on heroin.

1 week ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

"And by the way, we're looking into refinishing the White House. White is too submissive for the leader of the free world. A reporter said that might be unpopular, but I've asked the American people, and they all agreed with me. Very positive replies, even the Democrats like it, it's going to be beautiful."

1 week ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

It makes so much sense now. I thought it was the rich, not the boomers, that were constipating our economy. But now I see that the problem is a dragon!

We'll need a thief.

1 week ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0