Solobolt
54052 pts · August 26, 2013
Little Timmy was walking to school one day in New York City. All of a sudden, a homeless guy ran out of an alley, grabbed him, shook him, gasped "purple box!" and collapsed. He was dead. Timmy was a little shaken up, but he continued on to school, where he arrived a few minutes late. He saw his friend in the hallway, and his friend asked him "Hey Timmy, how come you're late?" "Well," said Timmy, "I was walking to school when this homeless guy runs out of an alley, grabs me, shakes me, says two words to me, and dies." "What were the two words?" asked his friend. "Purple box," replied Timmy.
His friend ran away screaming. That was strange, thought Timmy.
When he finally arrived to class, Timmy's teacher also asked him why he was late. "Well, I was walking to school and this homeless guy ran out of an alley, grabbed me, shook me, said two words to me and died. Then I told my friend about it and he ran away screaming." "What were the two words?" "Purple box."
"What?!" shouted the teacher. "Go to the principal's office! Now!"
Now Timmy was really confused.
Timmy had always been very well behaved, and the principal was surprised to see him in his office. "What are you doing here?" he asked. Timmy repeated his story. "I was walking to school when a homeless guy grabbed me shook me said two words to me and died. I told my friend and he ran away screaming. I told my teacher and she sent me to you." "What were the two words?" Now, Timmy was understandably a little hesitant at this point. "I don't know if I should tell you..." he said to the principal. "Well," replied the principal, "I'll make you a deal. If you tell me, I promise not to give you detention." This sounded good to Timmy. "Purple box," he said.
The principal's face went red, and he said to Timmy, "That's it! You're expelled! Pack your things up and go home." Timmy did as he was told.
When he got home, his mother asked him why he was home so early. He told her. "I was going to school when a homeless guy ran out of an alley grabbed me shook me said two words to me and died. I told my friend and he ran away screaming. I told the teacher and she sent me to the principal. I told the principal and he expelled me." "Oh my!" said his mother. "What were the two words?" Well, Timmy figured he could trust his mother, so he told her. "Purple box."
She gasped, and then yelled "Go to your room and wait for your father to come home!" He went.
A few hours later, Timmy's father came into the room and said "Son, your mothers all worked up about something. What happened?" "I was walking to school when a homeless guy ran out of an alley grabbed me shook me said two words to me and died. I told my friend and he ran away screaming. I told my teacher and she sent me to the principal. I told the principal and he expelled me. I told Mom and she sent me to my room." "Well, what were the two words?" "Uh..." said Timmy. "Look son," said his dad, "I'm your father. What's the worst I can do to you?" "Well....OK. Purple box."
His father's eyes bulged from their sockets. "Get out of my house," he said. Timmy didn't wait to be told twice.
Fortunately, his family was fairly well off, and Timmy himself had quite a bit of money in the bank, at least enough for an airplane ticket to Europe, where he could stay with his relatives. He caught a cab to the airport. The cabbie tried to strike up a conversation. "So what's your story, kid?" "Huh?" "How come you're goin' to the airport, is what I'm askin'," clarified the cabbie. "It's kind of a long story." "We got time." "Well, I was on my way to school this morning when some homeless guy runs out of an alley grabs me shakes me says two words to me and dies. I told my friend and he ran away screaming. I told my teacher and she sent me to the principal. I told the principal and he expelled me. I told my mom and she sent me to my room. I told my dad and he disowned me. Now I'm going to stay with my relatives in Europe." "That's rough," said the cabbie. "What were the two words?" "Well, I'm not sure I--" "Listen, kid, I'm a cabbie. I've heard everything. Just tell me. What am I gonna do?" Timmy sighed. "Purple box."
*screech* "All right, get out of my cab. Go!" Timmy walked to the airport.
The plane he took was a small one, with only a few passengers. He was even able to go up to the cockpit and chat with the pilot when he got bored. "So," said the pilot, "if you don't mind my asking, what brings you to Europe?" Well, Timmy figured that he had a long flight ahead of him and the pilot would get it out of him eventually, so he got it over with. "I was walking to school, and this homeless guy ran out of an alley grabbed me shook me said two words to me and died. I told my friend and he ran away screaming. I told my teacher and she sent me to the principal's office. I told the principal and he expelled me. I told my mom and she sent me to my room. I told my dad and he disowned me. I told a cabbie and he kicked me out of his cab. Now I'm going to stay with my relatives in Europe." So, of course, the pilot asked him, "What were the two words?" "..." said Timmy. "Come on, you can tell me. There's not much I can do to you up here, you know." Timmy reflected on that, and decided the pilot was right, so once again he repeated the words. "Purple box."
"There are parachutes in the back. When I turn around, I don't want to see you."
Timmy put on a parachute and jumped.
As luck would have it, Timmy landed on a very small, nearly uninhabited island in the middle of the Atlantic. It had a hermit living on it. "Hey, what are you doing on my island?" asked the hermit. Timmy took a deep breath.
"I was walking to school when a homeless guys ran out of an alley grabbed me shook me said two words to me and died I told my friend and he ran away screaming I told my teacher and she sent me to the principals office I told the principal and he expelled me I told my mom and she sent me to my room I told my dad and he disowned me I told a cabbie and he kicked me out of his cab I told the pilot and he kicked me out of his plane and now Im here."
"That's quite a story," said the hermit. "What were the two words?" Timmy looked at the hermit, and figured he could probably overpower him. "Purple box."
The hermit looked at him for a while. Finally, he said, "You don't know what 'purple box' means, do you?" "No," said Timmy, surprised. The hermit gave this some consideration. "All right," he said, "listen closely. Here's what I want you to do. Take my raft, and go back to New York. Then go to the top of the Empire State Building and look north. There will be your answer."
So Timmy took the raft and paddled until he finally reached New York again. He ran to the Empire State Building and ran up the stairs all the way to the top. He looked north, and he saw a huge billboard with the words "purple box" and an arrow, pointing to a building across the street. He ran down the stairs all the way to the bottom, and as he was crossing the street, a truck ran into him and killed him. The moral of the story is always look both ways before crossing the street.
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http://www.ironworksforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=96683
If this gets posted to front page, I'll laugh at anoyone who reads it.
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