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17432 pts · August 7, 2016


I'm officially "Get off my lawn" old. and hate you all. Not personally, just helps with the general crankiness vibe.

But how will my landlord survive if the people in my neighborhood aren’t giving him 20k a month?!?

1 day ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 2

NO, you monster!! Each letter in a different font with random spacing or you get no torture! Preferably going between extremes as often as possible: light/dark, large/small, etc.

3 days ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Doughy lasagna? You couldn’t find that in Australia? Use any old lasagna and soak garlic bread in there, you won’t notice the difference.

1 week ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

That bastard!

1 week ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Okay hear me out: this quote as a really low situated lower back tattoo, and no last word.

1 week ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

Those 10mm. They’ll get away from you.

1 week ago | Likes 37 Dislikes 0

I like it

2 weeks ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

I like the heart shaped astigmatism, cool. Mines regular old circular astigmatism.

3 weeks ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

It was probably listed on Fox News as a Mexican country…

3 weeks ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

Where are these stickers??

1 month ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

I’d be more forgiving if this ass hat stays out of the Senat—- wait, no, that’s actually a tortoise, nevermind. Keep improving Johnathan!

1 month ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

But they also don’t mention how collections could stop you from getting some jobs….

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Saturday! You’re going to quote Saturday? The story changes in real time and you’re doing Saturday? Who do you think you are, Michael Che? Colin Jost?

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Idk, using days as a measurement term for how long a day is seems wrong. Wouldn’t all answers be 1? How many days does it take for a day to pass? 1.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 2

But the 15th version of Skyrim is coming!

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Now everyone get a squirt gun, then show the people in your house stereoscopic 3d….

1 month ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Must be a perspective thing, it looks like six. Where do you start measuring from?

1 month ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I’ve lost a few times, but I’m no sore loser, I’ll try again.

1 month ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I sure do like the fences I put up to keep all the deer on my field, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why this herd gets that zombie deer disease….

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

And other countries are really good at protesting

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

And should have been disbarred and jailed for the trump bribe when investigating trump u.

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

The lengths you go through to hide giving her chlamydia…

1 month ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

It’s not paranoia if you’re right.

1 month ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

No, some are people.

2 months ago | Likes 32 Dislikes 0

Sure spring can do it, but when I come quick it’s all “premature” and “why did I even bother?” And “just clean that up and go away” and other mean things….

2 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Someone is better at McDonalds themed sex puns than me, and I throw down the gauntlet with my “robble” joke. Think you got better? Let’s see ‘em.

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The clowns all over the wall, the 2 foot hamburger guy, red hair. Maybe she was waiting for you to Grimace and get in there and robble robble robble….or something about McCheese or Frykids. I don’t know….

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The orange is what changes the flavor, the vodka makes it more liquid like a shake. A protein screwdriver. Totally a normal thing to want.

2 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Like a good idiot, I looked knowing they said do feet, and was like did they hide the dick part????

2 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Sometimes, some things are worth the slapping….not that I’ve ever done anything like that.

2 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0