Please Stand By . . .
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561
Now that they know what Banksy looks like, they're pursuing the true identity of Angine de Poitrine. I prefer not knowing. The unknown is uncharted territory. It should be left to unwind on its own.
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805
I want an honest review. Has anyone had success with the new MOTT & BOW'S anti-fart-butt technology? My Tinder dates never return my calls. There is a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach that this might take me to the next level.
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510
This fake head was used as a decoy during the 1962 Alcatraz prison escape. It was crafted from soap, toilet paper, toothpaste, and concrete dust. It bears an uncanny resemblance to Mark Zuckerberg. I wonder if Mark is made from the same material.
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807
Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles—the greatest comedy ever made—has now been thoughtfully modernized for viewers too fragile for actual classic humor.
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1043
Is it better to gamble or not to gamble? What are the odds on that?
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793
The canine biomechanics and gait analysis of a dog while in heat.
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1245
Lindsey Graham sounds a lot like a loud-mouthed, bombastic, and overconfident anthropomorphic rooster.
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494
A nifty sign language interpreter video overlay can be incorporated into actual news stories by using any of Britney Spears' video selfies. (sound)
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62
BANANA is a Wild West adventure about Donald Trump and his children, who are descended from different mothers. They run and defend the White House ranch while pretending to help out the surrounding community.
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276
By the power of Grayskull... I have the power!
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45
This is a TikTok challenge everyone can participate in and not get hurt. Take a selfie of yourself passed out in a yard filled with deflated Christmas ornaments.
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303
The future holds the possibility of Big Brother digging up our graves and converting the space into apartment dwellings. I wonder if forensic facial reconstruction will predict the appearance of Ariana Grande's skeletal remains in her current state?
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269
Two decades ago, we were introduced to the Twilight saga. A possible reboot is being talked about. It's all fun and games until politics enters the picture.
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85
The game of life can sometimes draw you an unlucky card. Zombie Santa's here to the rescue. Strike that. Reverse that thought. Never mind! Good grief, Charlie Brown!
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929
The many possibilities of Bad Bunny wearing a dress at this Sunday's Super Bowl are limitless.
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111
'Plant Machete' by David Bowen. This installation allows a live philodendron plant to control a machete by using a system that reads the plant's electrical signals.
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People often stop me on the street and ask why the actors in WICKED look so thin. This is actual food being served on the set of WICKED.
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129
Breaking News: Trump's MRI brain scan comes back empty. The White House Medical Unit becomes radically alarmed when they are unable to locate the brain in Trump's head. A full-body scan revealed Trump's brain is actually in the head of his penis. (sound)
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485
Going to the gym has really paid off for Taylor Swift. By using upper body brute force, Taylor manages to remove Travis Kelce's detachable head. (sound)
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98
When one door closes, another one opens. I'm now the Prince of Darkness. (sound)
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141
Erika Kirk's emotional wiper blade of a hand is at it again. This time it's intense, like a mouthful of Red Hots kind of intense. (sound)
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497
Sanae Takaichi, the Japanese prime minister, threw Trump around like a rag doll during a Japanese game show. (sound)
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465
Why isn't everyone talking about that hideous video backdrop being displayed as they present the 'Piece Of What' prize? It looks like a video exam a gastroenterologist would assess in order to diagnose Trump's bowel movements.
8
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412
When Rosa Luisa DeLauro is representing Connecticut's 3rd congressional district, what does she often say to herself? "Arg-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah!" (sound)
0
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199
The Trump administration declares nursing as a non-professional degree. The Education Department’s list does include chiropractic as well as theology. If the Blue Fairy can make Pinocchio a real boy, she can turn nurses into professionals again. (sound)
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221
She will always be known as the wife of Charlie Kirk. "What's that, Charlie? You still want them to release the Epstein files?" (sound)
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212
If mediums can communicate with the dead, imagine what a large could do. (sound)
13
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685
Don't meddle in something that is currently peaceful unless you're part of some kind of supergroup that specializes in the opposite of that kind of lifestyle.
20
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569
Why does North Carolina look a lot like a guy stuffing a burrito in his red speedo?
4
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420
Elon Musk's fundamental principle is to populate the world with his DNA.
14
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566
The Zohran Fortune Telling Machine can predict your future for one dollar.
9
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843
It's time to revisit Jack Thorne’s adaptation of 'Lord of the Flies.' This time we peek into the minds of a bunch of young prepubescent MAGA boys while they're stranded on an uninhabited island. The descent into savagery is near.
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599
Rebooting this classic musical horror makes more cents.
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126
Dan Scavino, I don't think that's how you take a selfie.
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552
Cahulawassee River's natural beauty has been restored after the dam was decommissioned . . . and all hell broke loose again! Deliverance 2 - starring Jon Voight and RFK Jr. (sound)
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481
It's time to unsilence the silence. Release the Epstein files. (sound)
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529
Alaila Everett in IDLE HANDS 2. Coming soon to a theater near you.
3
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206
The Epstein Files are still on everyone's mind. A security officer demonstrates the added benefits that a chain-link fence provides. Kristi Noem is even getting in on the action. Kristi proposes a new name for this sexy establishment: Glory Hole Alcatraz.
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219
traffic lights
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49
This is what the Wizard of Dr. Oz hears when RFK Jr. speaks.
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209
Kristi Noem is painting Trump’s border wall black, hoping it will burn migrants who try to climb it. As a result, Mexicans are now dressing up as ninjas and scaling the wall without being noticed.
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582
I thought I was well-versed, but I don't recall this episode of The Electric Company Word Blend.
5
1
548
Is Anti Flat-Butt Technology just an abbreviated way of saying Anti Flatulence Butt Technology?
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119
The secret ingredient for success will always be more COWBELL!
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481
ICE should think outside the box to remove undesirables. A quicker and safer approach to eradicating illegal immigrants is subjecting them to endless amounts of pan flute music. Ten minutes is usually the allotted amount of time for permanent departure.
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64
Once SpaceX tackles space travel to Mars, there will be a new game in town, and that game will be called . . .The 150 Million Mile High Club.
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169
Nobel Committee head Jorgen Watne Frydnes has a dry sense of humor and a phone that can handle the demand of today's technology. (sound)
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722
There is no way to compare Mike Johnson's Johnson with any other Johnson.
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343
Pumpkin season is upon us. An all-natural self-lubricated solution can be found in the stringy, gooey, fibrous strands of pumpkin guts.
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929
Lauren Boebert makes that irritating mouth face as she aimlessly seeks attention from the general public. (Sound)
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330
It is my pleasure to confirm that I have the original uncropped photo of that famous picture of Barron and Melania.
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588
Let's put an end to all the distractions. Release the Epstein Files.
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Exciting times are ahead for the 51st season of SNL.
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159
Putin shows off another one of his parlor tricks. As a result, the crowd goes wild.
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287
Steve Cheung is like a hard-boiled egg that's rotten on the inside. (sound)
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457
Do you want to hear a secret?
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501
This is the perfect birthday gift for your 'Jewish mohel friend'. His enjoyment will be even greater if he is authorized and trained to perform the brit milah.
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138
A movement that starts and ends at the same point is said to have "come full circle." It looks like the Milk Crate Challenge is back! Dr. Homer's Miracle Spinal Cylinder to the rescue.
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497
The Vegas Sphere is the number one attraction in Vegas, and now it's coming to DC. Donald Trump has officially planned to erect not one but TWO Vegas Spheres next to the Washington Monument. MAME - Make America More Erect.
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452