maximilianfragglebottom
80906
4216
240
Aug 20, 2019 1:42 PM
maximilianfragglebottom
80906
4216
240
BebbybbeB
It's obviously a joke, but I wish it wasn't.
DangerDaveHiggins
One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the Danish will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new Scandinavian overlords.
DukePhelan
I love how most of this post is my fellow Americans crying ' Please save us!' since we can't save ourselves it seems.
PeteTusk
Sauce: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us
ErynGalen
Okay, okay, we'll buy you, but you have to learn Danish then. Say after me: "rødgrød med fløde"
SchizophrenicMC
I for one welcome our new Danish overlords.
WorthEveryPenny
Pls
JasonMomoaMakesMeMoanMore
Det er nok at have dem som turister om sommeren...
DissidenceTSB
Isn't Denmark the happiest place on Earth? I for one would like to welcome our new Denmark overlords.
Schaade
That's not Denmark, that's Disney.
ATravellinOwl
I thought so too, but actually Canada has had number 1 for the last three years. Denmark is still number 2 though, so that's not too bad.
RubberChickenGoD
My body is ready!!!
LSUguy
AzgarOgly
I've being on that street, it is beautiful.
Pepout
Hope you enjoyed the beers too....?
AzgarOgly
Too bad, I had to drive back to Dragør fort.
Harveyq
I'll learn denmarkian asap!
robpaschal
Eye vud lyk un Danish, por favor.
CannotFindUserName
*No refunds*
TakoYani
Yo I fucks with being a Dane
qwerty0xf
Oh crap! Another data migration project then. I need a real project !!!
Everyothernamewastaken
I would be OK wit this but with a GDP of 325 mil gonna be tough to get much. The US GPD is 19.4 tril so 325,000,000 v 19,400,000,000,000
geraint616
It’s like you don’t understand what a joke is
GnomeDeGuerre
The offer is to unfuck the major systems while getting a grib on the runaway dept. Payment would be symbolic.
RonniRambo
Not really.. US debt almost 144% of it's GDP / DK debt are around 20% of it's GDP.. and if we buy you, we get the money back.
yomommakenastun
We're not much but please buy Malaysia too. We need all the help we can get
Endlogic
We have oil and sun, Denmark please. <3
Schaade
The US has oil and sun, on the same beach. Wait your turn.
TheOfficeAssistant
As a Dane, I'll do what I can to persuade the government to buy Malaysia.
TimeAndMemeLordOfGallifrey
Saudis, Chinese & Russians: Buying America? Get in line.
Eleshar24
More like "Saudis, Chinese & Russians: Buying America? But we're not sellin' "
blackrasputin
They’ll turn the US around just like they did with Africa.
TheOfficeAssistant
Well, Denmark abolished slavery 17 years before the US. Suggesting Denmark treats people worse than the US is wrong by modern perspectives.
PeteTusk
Confusing Denmark with Holland?
blackrasputin
Yeah Denmark was never in Africa or involved in the slave trade right?
PeteTusk
It was, but not to the extent of the Dutch.
blackrasputin
I don’t see how that’s relevant.
PeteTusk
It's just a matter of degree, but you have a point. I should better have asked you how the past was relevant compared to the present.
ProfessorPoopyButthole
As a citizen of the US, I'd be happy to live in Denmark.
GreedyJungle
I think we’d all be happier honestly.
FuzzyX
Yeah they do have an average higher wage, more tolerant happy society, prisoner reform, free healthcare & education. Best place in Europe.
szepasszony
me too
thatssnotmyname
You'd be welcome! First thing to learn: Pretend none of the people you see in public exist
shyriath
Already done, my friend, already done.
SpinningButholeattack
thats only in copenhagen
LordDenmark
Im not allowing this. We already gave you Scarlett.
Daerred
...and the wonderful Niels Pedersen
mikeatike
Fever?
FuzzyX
Fever... https://youtu.be/EYxoAJ3Boyc
coop61gt
Booooo
OctaviusClausewitz
That.. would actually improve many parts of US.. hmmm
doctorbocker
Enh. Country's still full of Americans.
DerKonig
You know, except for the massive 150% tax on gas. Americans use on avg 4.5 liters a day while people in Denmark is 1.
ztygs
Think of all the money you'd save on education and healthcare tho. No more life crippling debt for either of them.
RadicalLeftist
What makes you think they'd implement that with no concern for citizens, they have proven through social services they car about wellbeing.
TorquemadaJones
Because Denmark has a decent public transit system, and we keep taking money away from public transit
EADimgur
Ya but Demark is smaller then several states and is much more urbanized overall. Rural America simply is to remote for public transport
GnomeDeGuerre
Stuff would need to be calibrated for another set of realities.
DerKonig
Meaning, it would cost be about 4 times as much per week to fill up just to get to work. Which would be about $120 a week.
Navrodel
In what world does an added 150% equal 4 times as much? It's 2.5x at most. You use some fuzzy math, sir.
ICarpeYourDiems
2.5x would be 250%
Navrodel
If it was 2.5x "more", yes. 2.5x "as much" adds the original amount to the 150% tax - 250% in total.
OctaviusClausewitz
They'll invade Venezuela, dressed as Vikings! Problem solved.
DerKonig
To Valhalla!
OctaviusClausewitz
If they have oil, them too, yes!
Navor
Is this because trump asked to buy greenland?
GnomeDeGuerre
The long joke includes the sale of the US Virgin Islands in 1917.
PeteTusk
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/denmark-offers-to-buy-us
manamanamdududududu
NO! Maybe...
PeteTusk
Yes it was a reply.
causality
Much as I hate the cheeto, he didn't ask to buy Greenland. He asked one of his aides if it would be possible to buy Greenland.
glaug
I miss when we had a President smarter and more tuned into world affairs than me
Datsinginguy
I don’t see how that’s much different.
kellyxx
Today he cancelled next weeks trip to Denmark, he said since Denmark will not sell Greenland there is no reason to go. /2
kellyxx
https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/20/politics/trump-cancels-copenhagen/index.html
2good4hisowngood
I wonder if he realizes how small Greenland actually is...
Exousa
Or if he realizes that iceland and greenland are opposites
dreshi
Wait what
ScottaHemi
for it's size Greenland has a lot of resources though like rare earth metals, a key component in electric cars!
ScottaHemi
also off shore oils, the northwest passage potential. a good place to set up anti russian missile defense systems.
HogWashDiddler
As an american, i would be ok with this
manicmalki
I refuse to be owned by the Dutch.
OpossumJesusHasRisen
I'd be in.
bazookasoup
As a Dane, I dont see us wanting to pay to get all those problems..
Mustakraken
To bad, no refunds, we're your problem now health care daddy!
Dontwatchmespotme
Then you good Sir/Ma'am are no American
CaffeineManic
Maybe we could just hire them as managers?
zapbranagan
Emigrate, you have the freedom.
zapbranagan
It’s going to really hurt your feelings when you realize they have a much tougher, merit based, immigration policy. Much tougher than the US
DerKonig
To be owned by a strictly liberal country that prohibits people from eating raw bacon under a full moon.
BradleyJon
Lol some people need tip have out written down not to do dumb shit
magicrhombus
If that's what it takes to get a functional education system and national health care, okay.
unkiereamus
I never thought I'd be eager for Trump to auction off the country.
CaffeineManic
It'll happen if he can profit.
JLaP01001
Seconded
wrenchhead
Now we just gotta wait to see if China accepts the offer.
Venger2
Sold “as is”
vildgut
AgentWienerDog
Nah Moscow Mitch already sold it.
FistingWithJalapenoDoritoFingers
People! people!
MisterD90
Well yeah....
westsidewizard
But for one fleeting moment, us Americans, we felt hope.
cousteau
Oh, I wouldn't have realized otherwise!
sakm
Andy Borowitz is a comedic genius who's been writing for the New Yorker for a very long time.
Efreeti
We gotta get over! Before we go under!
Elroydb
I would have thought the name "Andy Borowitz" would have let you know you shouldn't take it seriously
shesaspacecadet
God damn it
poultryprince
IndyAndyJones
But how do we make it real?
AttackOfTheSpaceBat
/a/BDA2Fzy
tReasonoustRump
IsntThatAaronic
That is a great feature. Not many satire sites do this and trick boomers and dumb folk into thinking thay are the real news.
Schaade
"Trick" sort of suggests some effort was required...
orangeyougladitsnotbanana
Wait so there is actual fake news...Trump was right all along!
doopiedonger
NO SHIT
oddoregano
AlkeneThiol
I used to like this but now I hate it because I hate ignorance.
alwaysupvotedogstuff
BatBruce
*saved to favorites*
Oxymuncher
Pretty obvious, since Trump was talking about the possibility of buying Greenland... And that wasn't satire. He's going mental
OrgasPandaCat
The protocol should already be in place from when Reagan went senile in his second term.
Zcarsnarl
Actually purchasing land is a pretty good option. It's how America and some others were created in part. It's also better than other ways.
DooksandPooks
I think Trump was mulling over purchasing strategical areas of Greenland. US has bases all over the world, so not that strange to expand
MizuNoMark
You think he was that smart
ZombieJonSnow
You think it was HIS idea?
greenlandic
We'd rather stay with Denmark, unless our stupid politicians decide otherwise
Schaade
How about exclusive lease for basing and mineral rights--you good with that?
greenlandic
We've actually tried to get that deal for some time but as part of the deal, we wanted USA to pay for cleanup up in the Thule airbase
Schaade
This President is at least interested; throw in fishing rights and keep trying (we should lease those back on a non-transferable basis). 1/
Oxymuncher
Yeah I saw both responses from denmark and on greeenland being more or less offended and saying it was completely out of the question
3Davideo
I figure if it was going to be anything other than Danish dependency or full independence, give it to either Canada or Iceland.
ellyllon
"going"
cousteau
I think they meant, like, MORE mental.
Oxymuncher
Still holding onto a shred of hope
MizuNoMark
Hahahaha hes been senile since before his presidency
TheGhostofLionelHutz
going.... gone.
ZombieJonSnow
Hes like the 8th president to try and buy Greenland. We like to buy stuff.
Taxicat
I, for one, welcome our new Danish overlords.
Streiquer
This comment really should be higher.
McFancyPants
Zavash
Now we celebrate with leverpostej and frikadeller with remoulade. And for desert rød grød med fløde.
KnightWhoSaidNi
Selv tak. Men vi gider ikke have ham den orange narrøv
ProcrastinateAndThenSome
Taxicat
And I obviously need to add Danish to my Duolingo curriculum...
KnightWhoSaidNi
Held og lykke med det! Dansk er noget lort at lære
itmightbeamemorableday
But China already bought it...
brownribbon
China owns less of our debt than Japan.
alwaysupvoteprincessbride
justtruth
I think in typical American fashion we've settled on the "come try and take it" approach.
thekawalopy
In all honesty, yeah pretty much
justtruth
It's more hilarious how many people got offended by this post.
yourbowelmovement
barf1189
wait really? i know they bought poland more or less
goflyblind
IAmNotTheImgurianWhomYouSeek
The real puppet master
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
You mean Russia
Mrgetdown
Here it is.
MeltingFaceGuyFromRaiders
Owned by China. Managed by Denmark. Works for me.
FixedsysLabs
Actually, it’s been rented out to Russia
cepacolusmaximus
Well co-bought it, really. China owns the land and Russia owns the political system.
cheeseguy3412
Debt? The rich care not for this... when its their own.
secretoaster
And japan
tReasonoustRump
And Russia
tReasonoustRump
https://www.politico.com/story/2019/07/31/mcconnell-staffers-lobbied-russian-backed-kentucky-project-1442550
dogsarebetterthanhuman
Just because as a country, its morally bankrupt, doesnt mean China has put it up for sale
JCentauri
madrush
I love that movie
omnipotentpasta
Yoink
daguq
Perfect gif.
ScooterBoii
*y’all
pianoNoodleTraveler
If this is referring to debt, currently Japan holds the most US debt by a foreign entity.
thetruthisoutthere86
See if we charge Japan for security than we wont owe them anytning
LeBigBadBill
Hmmm
AccidentalPhallacy
And all together foreign debt holders account for less than 30% of the total.
DobbyLivesHere
...so we really do owe it to ourselves.
borocanuck
And Israel have the photographs.
DukeDarkwood
Which is still not a spot on what we owe ourselves. I believe Social Security is still the single largest holder of our debt?
oldguyexlurker
$2.2 trillion the last I looked. Made me mad to hear people saying it was bankrupt. That's a llot of years of funding.
GriffinMann41
Don't the most recent estimates say that SS will run out of funding in like 2050 or something?
pianoNoodleTraveler
Sooner at current rates.
Elroydb
It's paying out more than it takes in and will continue to get worse. That $2.2 trillion won't last long
oldguyexlurker
It depends on several factors. The 1st year of deficit was only $78mil. Demographics, rate of increase in deficit annually, policy changes
ILikedTheirOldStuffBetter
Alright, you can buy the U.S. if, in exchange, you agree to make Volbeat start rocking hard again. Not into this soft, mainstream sound.
Mezmerizedbybiguns
They never did
hisholybeardness
Ahh. I see you're a man of culture too. Let's engage in polite symphonic bashing of Volbeat's albums of late.
Maultasche
manamanamdududududu
I will make it happen
HetIsBob
Username somehow checks out
MildlyConcernedTV
Volbeat=chainsmokers of rock ever since their last day under the sun crap. The same 3 cords with the same 5 words
SmeesNotVeryGoodTwin
Username checks out.
samtherat6
Huh, I’ve only ever known it as a Pokémon. Til.
hetnkik999
Legit was confused because I thought this was a Pokemon comment.
Krellebabz
Hey, watch out. They are our national treasure!... They are up there with queen.
IAmACyberneticOrganismLivingTissueOverEndoskeleton
Haha they've never been hard stop confusing your pop music with metal.
ILikedTheirOldStuffBetter
Come on, at one time they rocked hard enough for Napalm Death to record that badass live version of Evelyn together. That's something.
ApparentlyImaPsychopath
OldGreyBeast
So right. I was real disappointed in the latest album. I miss the "strength/sounds/songs" sound.
TrumpRapesChildren
Huzzah! A man of culture! I was just jamming to Volbeat on my YouTube playlist!
THEBOUNCEHOUSE
I'm still counting all the assholes in the room.
ILikedTheirOldStuffBetter
I'm definitely not alone...
barbarian818
not alo-oh-hone.
soundhound86
ZAA!!
LiteralVampirePotBellyGoblins
Neil Fallon from Clutch just posted that he did a guest vocal on one of their new songs, so they can't be that bad at all.
Ryebread91
Is Volbeat from Denmark?
thetof91
They even sing in danish.
FuzzyX
Volbeat are a Danish rock band formed in Copenhagen in 2001. They play a fusion of rock and roll, heavy metal and rockabilly.
CrippledCrab
There a pretty cool Canadian band that has a rockabilly sound called July Talk. Make and female singers with a wildly cool contrast in 1/2
CrippledCrab
Their voices, check out a song called 'Guns + Ammunition' if you feel like it, hope you enjoy
iamteaya
I loooove July talk! My only regret is I have but one upvote to give you.
Snugglywumps
Also headsick is a really good one to hear the contrast
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
Buy the UK! There's an opening and we need help too
Aardvarksneedlove
Wait until November it’ll be a lot cheaper
Xanatos86
Username checks out
Datsinginguy
The EU can wait for Scotland, Wales and Ireland to secede from the UK, then buy the UK for super cheap and reunite them again.
ViciousOtter
UK is trying to freelance but is only paid in "exposure" https://imgur.com/SKAY3xP
daguq
I think the UK has passed its sell by date.
ChloeRed
Definitely now past the best before date.
LasciviousHedgehog
As frugal parents would tell me, cut off the bottom bit and the rest is fine
daguq
And cook it really well.
OctaviusClausewitz
So you can have a second brexit after that ? You've still haven't ended this one !
mwoodman
I don't think he knows about second brexits, Pip.
MrJimmyC
It doesn't seem like it's ever gonna end.
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
The EU are being dicks, but Denmark? Denmark has always been cool
shorey66
The EU are not being dicks. They're betting very patient with us. We deserve worse for all the crap we're pulling right now
Northerntwit1
The EU is well within their right to be dicks given the shit show going on with british politics!
ThereWillBeDownvotes
Every similar situation I can think of historically would have had the EU declaring war and making you pay for it after.
ThereWillBeDownvotes
Their not he dicks in this situation.
LordDenmark
Plus we have won more European Championships than England.
MetaSomma
Another username checks out
chocoooouuuuh
Uuuuuhhhhhhh
MorkyT
I'm British, and if I were the EU I'd be a dick too
JamJarre
They're being so much less dickish than if the roles were reversed
OctaviusClausewitz
.... For the... It's like saying "England is a shitty cunt, but Londoners always been cool, So I want to be part of London BUT NOT ENGLAND!"
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
EXACTLY
OctaviusClausewitz
https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/697/828/3e9.jpg
davebeastly
London is actually the part filled with shitty cunts.
JamJarre
Live in London. Can confirm
OctaviusClausewitz
So the Liverpool is deserted now ?
DownvoteSpearToTheChest
Dude, we literally attacked you on a monthly basis and forced ourself on your women in the Viking age.
SnowpersonHitInTheFaceWithALackOfCreativity
Yeah.. but... well... yeah
JamJarre
All the brave, handsome Danes invaded and settled in England. You're just what was left
DownvoteSpearToTheChest
No they laid their seed so you were only half as ugly.