BoogiesOogie

116745 pts · December 7, 2013


Often I find myself mauled due to kitten malfunction, and unsolicited rubs of the belly. Occasionally I enjoy a good chuckle at my own expense, and rarely do I count higher than 72 (it's not that I can't, I can totally count really high, I simply find the numbers between 73 and 81 to be off putting and generally uneventful). I am self employed. I write, produce and perform things of the musical sort. I am a strong supporter of my facial hair, I think it has what this country needs and I have no doubt that it will go places in the future. I really don't care who you are or what you look like, so long as you have a decent noggin filled with delightful tales and anecdotes for me to enjoy. My previous careers consist of: Ship Captain of a wayward bouncy castle, which allowed me enough experience for my next job as the Captain of the dreaded pirate firm of Crimson Permanent Insurance. I spent neigh over a year soliciting bribes from a cornucopia of rodents and tree dwelling creatures, which I re-routed into a slush fund for lobbying higher taxes on less environmentally minded mammals. I am proud to say that I spent 3 years working with learning disabled bits of metal and have helped many reach oxidation (as a result I have had many Tetanus shots, however the amount is in a range of number that I would just as soon not count to), and most recently I was the curator of a splendid collection of out of date oddly colored button up shirts from the mid 90's. Clark Griswold is my hero, I have an affinity for armchairs, I drink a Tim Hortons double-double every morning and my nick name in high school was the first verse of The Monster Mash. Ok, That should be sufficient.

NO

Points 16
Comments 3
Views 1155

Eat a hundred horny gophers’ assholes business daddy

Points 26
Comments 5
Views 330

Shamelessly double dipping with cleavage and a cat so I can get my fake trophy

Points 33
Comments 5
Views 343

Farted and woke my geriatricat up.

Points 39
Comments 3
Views 903

Side-effects of Randy, include loss of hearing and the itus.

Points 26
Comments 25
Views 1453

Amy wins 2025 before it starts

Points 22
Comments 0
Views 785

Happy Hanukkah, don’t forget to wear your PPE

Points 477
Comments 21
Views 7683

The best out-of-town post-op wellness crew

Points 16
Comments 0
Views 786

Me too dog, me too

Points 20
Comments 1
Views 841

Even though my left foot is non-weight bearing, my vote IS!

Points 20
Comments 2
Views 282

New York’s hottest club is, Toyology. They have everything; toys, gifts, gadgets, a baby, MTV’s Dan Cortez…

Points 20
Comments 3
Views 1004

Dave would like to thank @thefreepizzadude and all the pizza angels

Points 30
Comments 6
Views 680

Some people need to get the pointy end of the pineapple

Points 31
Comments 8
Views 512

For my 10th cake day, here is my mom trying to convince her dog that her new harness is okay!

Points 50
Comments 13
Views 1898

National Sandwich day

Points 17
Comments 2
Views 353

Depression be dammed!!! I did an Art!

Points 30
Comments 4
Views 1447

For craft day here is my wood

Points 15
Comments 1
Views 939

Clean your workshop they said, it will be fun they said!

Points 28
Comments 7
Views 393

Detroit stray litter that need homes please!

Points 930
Comments 22
Views 64768

Bella is a very dangerous terrestrial shark

Points 43
Comments 11
Views 1793

Why does it look like they are about to battle?

Points 13
Comments 13
Views 2049

It’s my cakeday. I got burglarized this weekend while out of town. Here’s my first favorite.

Points 16
Comments 4
Views 1142

Large knives and large women

Points 7
Comments 13
Views 707

Last attempt to please the 29th gods

Points 25
Comments 0
Views 383

July 29th

Points 11
Comments 1
Views 146

Love, mental illness, woodwork, and animals.

Points 46
Comments 13
Views 2366

Finally found a video of the Uvalde PD response

Points -2
Comments 16
Views 976

Outside cat

Points 26
Comments 5
Views 2117

I had a terrible day, so I made some stirfry to make me feel alive!

Points 79
Comments 35
Views 4669

Watching white lawmakers get deposed is a form of birth control.

Points 0
Comments 2
Views 211

Best hand cuts yet, still running into issues though. Need advice.

Points 1496
Comments 122
Views 74302

Amateur wood worker looking for advice!

Points 13
Comments 14
Views 779

No

Points 0
Comments 0
Views 667

Hindsight is 20/20 but I’d still need glasses to see it

Points 1
Comments 8
Views 653

I did it guys!!! I made the WORST comic!!!

Points 39
Comments 6
Views 3680

Merry chrimmus from Detroit you bunch of yokels

Points 15
Comments 1
Views 168

Splash Sploth I’m Takin’ A Broth

Points 23
Comments 9
Views 810

What does Captain Boomerang do?

Points 0
Comments 2
Views 1090

A Steven King line that always stuck with me, accompanied by my cat.

Points 6
Comments 3
Views 819

I suck at this, but I finally cut something passable!

Points 70
Comments 29
Views 1756

Xmas poochies desire wrapping paper

Points 15
Comments 4
Views 155

I missed my cake day by one day, so here are my glorious cats

Points 20
Comments 19
Views 1212

The other 6% is Don Lewis

Points 1
Comments 0
Views 1543

Has zero ability to feel remorse, wakes me up by screaming.

Points 27
Comments 2
Views 1527

I’m in the most destitute spot I’ve ever been in my life, and this is what I do with my time... terrible covers. I could use a friend.

Points 15
Comments 46
Views 770

I made my mom a cherry end table for her morning coffee

Points 25
Comments 9
Views 849

HE HAS RETURNED!!!

Points 10
Comments 4
Views 952

Whatever we have to do to help protect our fellows is a worthy cause.

Points 20
Comments 43
Views 1610

When you decide to eat Taco Bell for the first time in 8 months.

Points -4
Comments 1
Views 144

This dude is a vampire right? I mean, thanks for your service and all but… you is a vampire

Points -4
Comments 2
Views 579

INSIDE DI’FUCKIN’MENSIONS >:[

Points 9
Comments 6
Views 1833
Next page